Million and One
by Bew0G
Summary: New darvey fic, a follow-up to 8x16. From cuteness to angst, Donna and Harvey are on a journey, and I don't know what kind of journey you and I are in for or maybe I do. (rated between T and M) and POV switches.
1. Chapter 1

**Million and one**

_A darvey fanfiction_

_It was never the matter of how I love you... You're the trouble, you're the noise that keeps breaking through what used to be the dream. And you've been that for so long I can't even remember why I thought this could go any other way. __I'm past the nail polish Donna. So solid, digging in my spine, scratching my shoulders.__ I'm willing to hurt my own flesh, multiplying my senses because it's all I've ever needed: you haunting this night. I know what you're thinking as I lay you down beneath me, I'm right there on top of your skin, feeling your heart pressing up against my own. I'm feeling all of you, so much so, I don't even need to see how beautiful and sexy you look. I feel it only all the time._

_This isn't about overwhelming your neck, I'm merely seeking appeasement, 'cause it's all too much. Sensing you quiver, and writhe against the bed; writhe against me as I pull you to me with the rhythm of my hips, coaxing you into that faith I thought we'd lost. Faith that we would kill the dream of being best of friends forever, break those years of not having it all. __I'm not sorry for running to you, kissing you and losing control. I want to tell you not to touch me, that you shouldn't have slid your hand up and down like that. But it wouldn't change a thing. Keep showing me you need me. _

_You know I won't let go of your hand as I'm reaching the sky for it is clearing beneath me._

_Now's your turn, let me do to you what you're doing to me._

…_but a question of when. I'm a million and one women. I know __I'm all of them, Harvey. __I was hoping for a miracle, for all the pieces of a heart that I'd called my own so long ago. I couldn't take the nights, couldn't fight the fear that maybe you really didn't want me like this. I can't see your eyes but I've been seeking them for too long anyway. And the outline of your body moving heaven and earth to bring me to you is enough to reel me back into your arms as this moment right here unreels past and future. I need you rocking me hard for this is about letting go. Just let go, it's okay. I fantasized about that. And it turns out the day you'd let go of it all for me would lead to tonight._

_This isn't about getting revenge on you, I'm barely hanging on and yet trying to claw my way back to reality. Because this isn't real, it can't be. You're right here, losing yourself into me the way I needed you to. So don't you dare lose that rhythm, don't go gentle on me because I won't do that to you. I didn't mean to hold you tighter, closer; barely giving you space and a chance to cling to your wave. But I can't let you go. You can just keep me where I am, I'm more than satisfied. Your ragged breath tells me you want to say it, that stupid apology and more. But save it for another time, be still and keep your hand down here._

_And you do, you're asking me to join you as you kiss my swollen lips to give me a taste of my own medicine. _

_I'm not sorry for trying to move on. I'm just sad I didn't trust I was your million and one._

They'd given up on time. It was of no essence.

"Donna," he whispered, crawling back up to press his mouth to hers. He didn't know whether to feel release or relief from the tear she'd shed. But he felt like his heart had stopped anyway. He cupped her cheek, drew a small line with his thumb. As he was staring into her barely visible face, he opted for the first thing that came to mind. "I didn't remember your lips being that salty."

The sweetest of crackle escaped her throat: "That's because you haven't kissed them like this in a long time."

"Are you ribbing me… babe-y?"

"Are you kidding me… Reginald?" she challenged him.

"Fair point." He remained still, both elbows propped up on each side of the bed, making sure he wasn't crushing her. As she ran a hand through his hair, he couldn't help but press himself closer to her and revel in the feeling of chest against chest.

"You're heavy."

"No, I'm not."

"No," she said before running her other hand over the hair dusting his forearm and then up onto his flexing bicep. "But we can't stay like this forever."

"Well, the door to your hallway's still open but I don't think you expect me to bail out on you this soon so the real question is –"

"What do we do now?" she asked but he wasn't finished.

"Are you okay?" His voice softened.

She took a moment to take in his question, keeping hers in the back of her mind. "I'm not okay, Harvey."

He felt her words ripple through him and couldn't help but hate the question he was asking: "What do you mean?"

"How can I be okay when all I want is for you to never leave me?"

"Why are you saying that?"

"Forget I said that, it's just the down side of me."

"No, there's more to it."

"You're it for me," she said louder than she had intended to.

"Donna, I never left you,"

"Are you saying I did?"

"Inside," he began, taking her hand in his and pressed the palm against his heart, "you never did."

He felt her move beneath him, reach out to him and rest her forehead against his. Hearing her say with assertiveness to ask her again brought a smirk to his face and many other sensations.

He closed his eyes, brushed his lips against hers and asked: "Are you okay?"

She smirked at the touch. "Are we going to stay like this all night?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm more than okay."

Feeling responsible for leaving a salty trace only a kiss could tell, he realized she only cared about telling it just as it was: happiness.

* * *

This one is for all my fandom friends cause I'm the happiest fangirl in the world right now and I think you guys are too. Feel free to review this.

Hey, by the B-way, I love YOU.


	2. Chapter 2

**Million and One**

A darvey fanfiction

Part 1 – The Other Side

_I don't want to live in a world without you. I don't want to remember what it was like. I used to be buried in a broken dream. I can't help but enjoy watching your sleeping form. Those two moles really are huge. I'm trying not to chuckle too loud; wouldn't want to wake you up this soon. I don't want to get up and bring you coffee. I know you'd probably want to get me one just to thank me for last night as I surely provided you with the most exquisite sex there is but I wouldn't want you to. Who am I kidding? You made love to me._

_I never got to experience the other side of my love for you. The peaceful, returned one. And now I can. I want to imagine that it is as peaceful as this; just as wrinkled to show the length of time passing, you securing me in your arms, leaving me just enough room to breathe something other than the exhales of your nostrils. I feel protected, needed so much so the problems that could crop up, the uncertainty of communication between us wouldn't have a place in this new configuration. But you're waking up and my confidence can kick back in later. I am no different than my female counterparts, I'm forever a teenager. All I have to do is pretend I'm asleep just to see what you'll do. I can hear you inhale sharply and move. This seems to be taking forever. I wonder if you're staring at me. Quirking my eyebrow mentally here, there's no other place you can look at. No, Harvey just because a woman's unable to suppress a smile in the morning doesn't mean she's glowing from your mind-blowing moves. No, I am not reminiscing. Am I panicking now? He couldn't… Should I just – God your lips._

A small whimper escaped her mouth at the contact. She numbly parted her lips and sought out his tongue. He surprised her by placing his hand over hers and urging her fingers to close under the sheets. She could feel him smile as he pressed himself closer to her.

"I took a wild guess and I was right," he said, tilting his head back to watch her open her eyes.

"You woke me up," she groaned.

"No, I didn't."

Her eyes shot open but the daring look she hoped to convey was gone. Two dark marbles glancing sideways were piercing her own. She lowered her gaze to his mouth. His signature smirk – with that exaggerated sense of self-worth was tightly wrapped on the lips that had engulfed hers a second ago.

"Fine," she exhaled, "you didn't."

He chuckled, unwrapping the knot she desperately wanted to kiss. Cupping his face, she sandwiched her lips between his fast, enough to catch him off-guard and rolled him on to his back.

She didn't waste any time and climbed on top of him. As she began sliding her lips and tongue between his mouth and jaw, across skin and morning stubble, he pushed the sheets aside, cupped her cheek and ran his other hand down her back.

"Hm, not that I'm not… enjoying this but I need my morning coffee," he managed to say between kisses.

She plucked her lips away from his.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Sh-sh-sh," he uttered as he began to tap her lips a few times with his thumb, bearing a pensive look on his face.

"Mmm, yes," he admitted. Feeling her relax while his need grew, he moved his thumb across her lower lip as if talking was the most futile thing there was on this planet. He hadn't expected her to lick it though.

_I am knee-deep in you. I know you so much and yet I can't control myself with you like this, glorious and unpredictable on top of me._

Playing with the tip of it slowly, she bit him gently and sucked again. The thrilling sensation had him deepen his presence in her mouth.

_I almost got out of bed with the plea of bringing you coffee just so that I wouldn't have to explain myself to you: coming over last night, knowing Thomas might still be in the picture. But you haven't said anything – only that you don't want me to leave you. So I won't ask because all I care about is you rocking against me, showing me you want me like you accepted me last night. You may not be mine but I'm definitely yours. There isn't any war of hearts. One look at you and I know, I get to love you. And it feels like home with your hands first on my chest and then stroking my hair, warming me up, thrilling me with a promise I'd so willingly and mistakenly associated with plain sexual arousal for over a decade – just to forget you. Shadows of exes could creep, I wouldn't notice. You're the center of it all, riding me as hard as I am for you. I can't help feeling the years we've missed; my breath quickens and I start thinking even though I try not to. Thoughts of what I wasn't to you. Who I wasn't. All those men you dated could break me this very instant, including the last one I moved heaven and earth for. Jealousy's crawling back into our safe place like dead Virginia creepers on walls. I'm hanging on to you, touching you everywhere I can. But I'm losing sense of who you are. You slowly become another, moaning and sweating because of somebody else's touch. I can't see your face. Dancing with another. All I see is red, cascading strips of auburn swaying for another. And then you stop._

"Harvey, what's wrong?"

"Do I have all of you?" he asked, out of breath and shaking.

"Harvey…," she pondered for a moment, searching his eyes. "I broke up with him yesterday."

_You're back to stroking my face. You don't know the half of what I need. I'm a bottomless pit when it comes to you; in every goddamn sense of the word. _

He grabbed her waist, anchored his heels in her bed, and she nearly choked as his hips lifted upward, seeking her insides out. Retreating as quickly as he'd thrust into her, he launched into the uncontrollable back and forth rhythm that could erase all the creepers, exorcise the redhead woman whose past didn't belong to him and replace her with Donna.

_I've never been so focused in my life and yet, so out of control._

"There's only you, Harvey," she breathed before crying out.

* * *

If you don't like the direction this story is taking - knowing my other fics, I suggest you stop reading. I've been touched by the cuteness, hell I'm still on cloud9 and you'll get to read that too. But I also know the show won't touch on such angsty subjects, so I guess I feel like I can.

This one is for all the darvey-fans out there and dedicated to my best "darvey" friends.

And by the B-way, I love you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Million and One**

_A darvey fanfiction_

Part 2 – At The End of One's Tether

_You and I aren't laid out with perfect symmetry. There is no orderliness. But you're pleasant to the eye, to the ear and you're everything to my heart. I know because I'm looking at you as I walk into the kitchen. Staring, actually. The light of day's barely allowed through the shutters. Yet you're in full view. I hadn't forgotten how good you looked; it was just forbidden. I'd pushed away the thought of you penetrating my stare, disheveling my hair, heckling my rapid breath and feeling like the headboard falling over our heads would be the least of my concerns. Because I'd fallen head over heels for you; I'm glad I was ready for you that day, barefoot and willing to explore all that flirting nonsense that I had invited too. Nonsense, it was definitely not. _

_For now you're here, in my kitchen, standing practically naked with just a towel around your waist. Trying to make breakfast it seems. And you're just too damn hot to be one of my dreams. There's no guilt in pleasure. And the way we engaged last night and again this morning makes me want to wrap my arms around you again. Why do I decide to interrupt this moment by the time I see you scratch your balls? That chuckle wasn't intended but I'm glad you're finally noticing me. _

"Donna?" Harvey turned his head in her direction.

"Hey." She walked up to him and joined him by the counter.

"Hey." His smile crushed the memory of a thousand he'd sent her way before.

"What's all this?" She beamed like a grown-up woman would never allow herself to.

"I wanted to surprise you," he said, pouring her a cup of coffee.

"You don't have to bring me breakfast in bed, you know."

"It's way past brunch at this point –"

She frowned and pointed her thumb at the nearest window. "Is it that late?"

He nodded before handing her the mug. "I'm not going to do it every morning."

"Of course not," Donna smirked not expecting less of him.

"But I want to," he admitted, tilting his head back as he leaned beside her against the countertop.

She eyed him suspiciously and examined his chest and flexed muscles. His body would only choose her but it would feel like the wrong kind of victory if she let his sex-appeal fool her.

"No, you don't."

He brought his face closer to hers. "I need to?"

"How does it feel knowing you can't lie your way out of this?"

"I'm a changed man, Donna," he waggled his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please."

"Okay, maybe not."

"I want you, Harvey. Hard truths and –"

"Vanilla."

"What?"

"I forgot the vanilla."

She noticed how lost in thought he seemed to be.

"It's okay, Harvey. It's just –"

But then a smirk formed on his lips.

"Are you saying I'm your vanilla?" She raised an eyebrow playfully, testing his sweetened self.

Harvey shook his head. "Do you hear yourself sometimes?"

_But of course you're still you. So you challenge me. And I'm glad. Not everything's disguised as a breakthrough. _

She noticed him take a deep breath before he brought his hand close to her clavicle. He lifted a lock of hair from her shoulder and ran it between his thumb and forefinger.

_I don't think I'll ever be able to understand how much you love me, Harvey. It goes beyond reason. And I know this because I feel that way too. We're picking up the pieces of a puzzle, no matter how bittersweet the taste of us used to be, I guess. _

"What made you do it?" Her eyes shot up to his.

"You mean me making you coffee and –" He began but she cut him off.

"Come over here last night."

He sighed and the way his chest moved as he breathed in and then out sent tingling sensations that could make her forget the six figure question.

"I don't know where to begin," he said, staring at the coffee mug in her hands.

She placed the mug back on the kitchen top and said adamantly: "Look me in the eye, Harvey."

"Honestly Donna, I don't know where to begin. So I'll just…" he paused, doing what she'd asked him to. "I'd rather be showing you again and again why it was the right decision than having to admit to everything."

"No, don't start Harvey." She turned her head to the side, shutting her eyes to stop anything close to a frown from setting on her face.

He cupped her cheek, gently inviting her to look at him again.

"I have so many regrets." He didn't hold back the sob stuck in his throat.

She saw a small tear running down his cheek. "No, Harvey, that's not what I was asking."

"Yes, Donna, it is." His jawline was tense. He swallowed before adding: "I had to see you, I –"

_Your voice is breaking and I just can't see you like this. So, I shut you up, kissing the pain I want you to stop feeling. And it's my fault again for wanting to know. Why do I always have to ask? Why can't I just let you be you? Or decide that smelling my shower gel on your skin is enough to tell me you've come to terms with the fact that you and I are like this: naked, breakable and bound to feel each other's pain. I want to go back to the comfort of the bedroom; take your hand. But you won't have it. You power me up again with your tongue; hold me between your lips, sweeping away all fears as you let a moment take place. I reach for your face with both hands as you grab me. My __waist forgot what it felt to be alone. You set me up on that kitchen island. And with every kiss from a friend, how can I not be content?_

_I hope this – us, can share violent noise and silence years. And with each beat, we do. I rise and I gasp, feeling you destroy my neck with the softest suction. And now I run out of strength as I go out of me, lose sight of the world outside and pretend all the things lost weren't. _

_You were never my friend, were you? _

_Your secret's safe with me, Harvey. The taste of vanilla's treacherous anyway._

* * *

M&O

M&O

M&O

Hello again, sorry for the wait. I know, I'm being slow and posting short chapters but that's only because darvey messed me up big time writing-wise. I'm using that 'precarious gait some call experience' Emily Dickinson mentioned once in a poem and see where it leads me. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If so and if you want me to continue this story and get a faster update like this weekend (I got nothing else to do but write for once), please review on . We fic writers live off these.

And by the b-way, I... wait, Blue? I know how much you're loving these POVs. Think about Harvey saying "I'm moving my butt just to please you, dry humping the shadows of a life without you away..." (amazing writing, right?) How does that make you feel? ^^


	4. Chapter 4

**Million and one**

_A darvey fanfiction_

Part 3 – Embedded in your skin

_Ache. It's all we know. I want to watch it go but I don't want you and I to change. The fire I feel when I touch your skin and the way you lay your eyes on me go to show how precarious I am; what you do to my body is indecent in the most convenient way. I like you immodest, I like you wrapped up in rapture. When I feel like the greatest man alive – ready to grunt – you make me moan. I remember pushing your panties aside and losing that towel faster than I could reach your neck. I was semi-hard and yet I couldn't wait to take you. I stroked your clit because I wanted you there. I got firm and then you kissed me, thanking me for the way I made you feel._

_Panting against my neck, it seems you're starting to realize I chose you over me. You're still catching your breath as you begin kissing that spot on my shoulder. You know I'm still hard but it's just like my license, Donna. I need you more than I need myself. I can still feel you convulse around me: no apologies need be exchanged. You trail kisses up to my neck until you can whisper something in my ear._

"Your turn."

_And bite._

_Why are you like this? I feel like the luckiest man alive when you put your hands on my ass, press up closer against me and begin rocking back and forth. You're moving your hips side-to-side, finding different shapes as your eyes lock on mine._

_I feel reckless. I secure you in my arms, hoisting you up to my waist. A whimper escapes your mouth as I beat a path to the table behind. I know you hurt for a moment but don't ask me to stop now. You don't bolt and this feels like our genesis when you say: _

"Fuck me, Harvey."

_The way you devour my dick is such a rush. I feel like I'm dashing out of myself, my arm reaching across the table to grab the edge for support. My breath quickens; I pant and I groan with every thrust, kneading your breast as I build my end. I can't close my eyes because it's all I want to see: eyes fixated on mine, breath getting stuck in your throat as you feel all of me and watch me come. And go back to the time I should have known was when I had it all._

_And now I know we can never go back. I don't want to go back. _

"Thank you," he said, panting and feet barely anchored to the floor as he laid himself on top of her. His mouth felt hot, soft and thankful as he rested his head on her chest.

"You're welcome," she answered gladly. Being pinned down was of no consequence. She felt like shore welcoming wreck.

_Maybe it's because I feel responsible. I can't help but be dazzled by the way you're reacting to me and yet sense that this isn't just lust talking. It's everything else too. Harvey… love doesn't mean we should give up on these feelings, right?_

"I'm sorry… I'm crushing you." He rubbed his thumb over her upper-arm.

"It's okay, I like it that way," she said, massaging his scalp to help him ride off his orgasm.

"Are we ever getting off this table?" Donna asked after a moment.

He chuckled. "I thought we'd already done that."

"Harvey come on, there's only so many pounds I can handle."

He turned his head and kissed the flat nipple closest to his face before getting off of her.

_I jumped the gun and followed your movement by standing up straight, catching your face and kissed you. I kept my eyes open and my lips sealed for the longest time. I don't know if it means what I think it means but I could kiss you every way there is and feel like this is our first and last kiss. The inner-workings of my mind are a complete shambles. Welcome to how Donna can't disguise how much she needs you._

"Don't go to work."

"What?"

"I don't want you to go."

"Donna, do you know what time it is?" He smoothed her hair from her face.

"Do you?"

"I knew maybe twenty minutes ago," he knitted his brows playfully.

"Are you saying you're losing track of time?"

"I'm saying I didn't go to work and I don't plan on going."

"Good."

"Good." He winked at her. "But now I'm famished. So I hope you and I can eat that brunch soon."

She nodded and freed him from her grasp. He picked up his towel and waggled his eyebrows suggestively and said: "I need to shower again. Want to come with?"

"How could I not want to revel in your sweat for another 24 hours?"

"If it suits you…"

She slapped his shoulder playfully. "Just shut up and get me off this table."

He was about to say something but stamped his cockiest look on his face instead.

_You grabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom as if you'd been here all this time. You're in front of me and if there was anybody out there watching us, they'd think we'd always been like this. But this is all new. Not even our one night stand 13 years ago ended like this. I'm trying my best not to remember how it ended. Because it still hurts. And what hurts me hurts you too. And we can't have that. I know this is the part both you and I blocked out. I set the rule but we haven't discussed how we'd left things. Does it matter? Probably not but I have my own regrets to live with, Harvey. _

_It's funny because looking at you, looking at us makes me realize how much we've changed. I still think you have the most gorgeous arms and the strongest back. But you used to have more abs and now your belly's rounder. Is it because of our incessant drinking? I chuckle and you notice. _

"What?" Harvey asked.

"The water's tickling my face," she lied.

"That's because you're only getting half-hit by that shower spray." It was an invitation to move closer to him. "Unless you want to keep staring at me," he half-joked.

She sought his neck with her fingers, first feeling her way towards his biceps. "I'd like to go watch you boxing some time."

"Will I get to watch you do yoga if I agree?"

_I bite my lip in response and I can't help but wrap my arms around your neck and close in on you. Adrenaline's coursing through my veins as you start touching me; hands brushing past my breasts before you start running your hands down my sides to my hips under the shower spray, eyeing me intensely. Why do you have to look at me like you could say you love me a thousand times? What gave you the right? You've done it before you know? Right before you said you loved me that one time. You'd tilted your head to the side, exposing your neck. It's been a telltale sign of yours for years. You wonder how I know things sometimes, well, that's one of the ways. You've taken my heart with those truths about me and you. Now, I'm getting lost in that neck again because I want to bury myself into now. After so many years of not so much unavailability but physical and so, emotional distance, I feel as if we don't need to get to the talking yet but then you start nudging my knees apart with yours. I'm feeling confused again because I know where your hand is going and I know it would confirm how possessive you are; and it would make me feel good again but I can't let you. And as you get ready for another plunge and attack my lips, I turn my head to the side and you have to stop yourself._

"Donna?" She could feel everything: from muscles getting tense while his grip on her got loose, to him swallowing hard with his Adam's apple bobbing on alert.

She moved her arms to cup his face. "I tried not to Harvey. This feels so good I don't want to ruin this."

"But?" His frown was the least of her concern.

"What changed?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, taken aback.

"Why did you come over?"

"I already answered that," he sighed. "I wasn't going to split and run when you were the only one I wanted to share this with."

"I get that but –"

"And you weren't answering your phone and everybody was talking about sharing things with their loved ones and I –"

"You chose me."

"It wasn't a choice, Donna and you know it."

_And there goes that head tilt again. Just because you assume I know everything doesn't mean I do. I'm not in your head. So, excuse me for not letting this go. _

"So you're saying it was a decision." She thought he would yank her hands away. He didn't.

"Donna, it really feels like you're trying to get into a fight with me." He felt pestered to do so and he didn't like where this was going one bit.

"I could have been with Thomas," she suggested, bluntly and dropped her arms to her sides.

"You're seriously bringing this up now?" He let go of her too and scratched his head. "Okay, you know what? I just… I decided that I didn't care anymore."

She felt like a train on a collision course, so she kept pushing. "Why _didn't_ you care just as equally when I was with Mark?"

"Are you saying I waited too long?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I'm saying!"

Harvey couldn't disguise that one particular truth. He'd led her there anyway. Donna had won this one and he didn't feel like interrupting her.

"After you broke up with Paula, you didn't do anything either."

He'd rarely seen her openly jealous of his exes. But she sounded bitter and Paula did seem to hit a nerve. He couldn't blame her.

"Because I was pissed at you for letting me know you wanted to be with me after all these years."

"So that was just pure revenge?"

"You can't blame this on me, Donna. I played by _your_ rules. And then you just _had to know_."

"You were moving on Harvey…"

"Then understand that this is what I felt with you and Thomas. I tried, Donna. I tried to protect your relationship with him. And I did. But in the end, I don't know… for the first time I wanted to fight for you – only for myself. I wasn't thinking about your happiness. I didn't want to give you that choice anymore."

"Why didn't you do it back when we first slept together?"

"What do you mean?"

"I need to know why you left without saying a word that day."

The look on his face told her he knew what she was referring to; she couldn't believe how the other time, that moment that had been hanging over their heads for all these years was the one thing she needed to go back to.

"Come again?" There was darkness in the tone of his voice.

"I need to make sense of it all, Harvey. It's been eating away at me."

"Then let me ask you this…Why did you tell me to go, Donna?" His accusation felt like a hundred pens were piercing through her heart. She was trying to fight a lawyer after all.

"I said you _should_ go."

"Are we really debating emphases?"

She crossed her arms. "What do you think I could have said?"

"I don't know, something like: 'This was nice, let's get together again!'" He practically shouted.

He hadn't raised his voice until that moment; not like this. "Why are you getting mad at me now?"

"Because you didn't give me a reason to stay even after I'd kissed you goodbye."

"Well, I couldn't. I was scared of how I felt Harvey and let me remind you that you weren't the most stable of men."

"I wouldn't have gone off to another woman, Donna."

"How could you know that?"

"Because I hadn't felt like that with anyone else before."

"This is just a decade talking here Harvey."

"That decade just confirms what I've always known." He licked his lips. This was edginess talking and he hated that. "And it was the _wrong _time to decide to protect yourself."

She inhaled, trembling as her disbelief escalated. "You can't blame me for doing that! I–"

"You're damn right I blame you!"

"Harvey, I –" she tried to say but he cut her off some more.

"And why do you think I came back with that job offer?"

"What do you think I thought? I thought you'd occasionally want to fuck your secretary too. Hence my rule!"

He put a palm on his jaw, scratching his morning stubble; another sign he couldn't help taking offence at her words. "I would have preferred to ask my non-secretary on a fucking date if you ask me."

"But then I wouldn't have been your secretary." She shook her head. Her lack of assertiveness didn't go unnoticed on her; or on him.

"This is a fucking nightmare," he cursed, rolling his eyes. "I need some air."

She watched him beginning to head out of the shower. "You don't know how to answer that, do you?"

_I pushed so hard I thought we'd finally break. Most of this didn't make sense anymore. I felt as if we were just doing that push and pull because there wasn't a right or wrong kind of answer. Just anger because of what we'd been missing out on. _

"Is this what we are, Harvey? Some deliberate mistake? A misguided and somehow now faulty act gone wrong?"

He stopped himself. "You tell me, Donna." And turned around before saying: "What's left to feel if we think our entire relationship is based on mistakes?"

_It shut me up._

He stepped in front of her. "'Cause all I can feel – _right now_ – is regret."

She inched closer to him and stroked his cheek. "Harvey, I'm sorry, I should –"

"There's nothing you could have done." He towered over her looking like his senses were overloaded. "You have no idea how many times a day I'd think about you."

She could sense his heart was racing as fast as her own. This wasn't reason talking. "Actually, I think I know, Har –"

"I wanted to have you on my desk and against that glass wall, even when I was with someone else –" He grazed her breasts with his eyes as if he could touch her with them.

"Harvey…"

"And definitely not like a goddamn trophy secretary –" he added gruffly, breathing heavy.

"I know that –"

"But to remember how you felt in here," he said grabbing her hand to press it against his chest.

_I can't get over you doing that._

She held her breath waiting to see what he would do next. The thought of him kissing her crossed her mind. He was so close. Letting go of it all and being just them felt like the best alternative at the time. He stroked the back of the hand touching his heart with his thumb. The light touch made her shiver.

_Do you know that moment when you realize your skin doesn't feel like home unless you can feel somebody else's touch? That same skin is the one thing that can betray you. I wish I'd been blushing, gotten aroused or given myself a black eye for waiting on you to do something other than give yourself time to escape. But no, I had to show him I was getting cold. _

The shower was running out of hot water so he turned the shower knob off.

_I don't want to break down and feel alone. But when you leave that shower for real this time telling me I should dry myself and put some clothes on, I want to._

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That was one long a** chapter compared to my smaller ones. Yeah, I know it's not the 5,000k+ words I used to post for TMT or DGITTF but it's a start and since it's not easy writing darvey right now considering how HAPPY they make us feel, I'm feeling sorta proud right now. Anyway, I'd like to give you guys my usual by the b-way thanks for reading, for your constructive criticism, for putting up with my existential issues. I wouldn't be here writing without my dearest Blue so here's a shout out to her. This is un-beta-ed bc, you know, I happen to be the only one without a life right now. Anyway, enjoy this one and if you want the next installment fast, you better review the hell out of this one.

Bx


	5. Chapter 5

**Million and One**

_A darvey fanfiction_

Part 4 – Not my name

_I don't know why I'm leaving you like this. I don't feel like an ass but I know I will pretty damn soon. I pick up the towel that'd gotten lost on the kitchen floor when you were making me all that I was meant to be. There was no life after you. I know that. There is none to think of either if you and I aren't on the same page. As I walk back into your bedroom, drying myself and my hair, I feel like a stranger – like a fucking one night stand whose place isn't here. Maybe there's no shortcut, maybe we're just supposed to hit a wall. I made you cry, and I can't stop the crying inside my heart either. You don't want our relationship to be what it is, I get it. But there's no going back and you know it as much as I do. So why bring it up at all? I'm not in denial, Donna. I have 13 years of experience in the matter. As I put on my boxers, I wonder. Should I just buy myself some time, get dressed and pretend I have to run some imaginary errand?_

_My legs couldn't drag me anywhere but to that bed again. As I sit down, I see you come in, bathrobe on; with that unaffected look on your face. And yet you seem frail, shaky. I wince internally, aghast at my cruelty. I miss the way the sun lit up your face this morning. This is so far away from where we are right now. You know I'm watching you and yet you're pretending I'm not here._

_Why do you have to question everything? All that matters is how we feel about each other. Isn't this new beginning good enough for now? But I know the less I have to say, the better I feel about myself. I know you want me to show you that piece of me. I tried to find myself for so long it seems I'd lost track of where to look. Is this what you want me to show you? How ashamed I am? How I feel like I've let us down? How I'm afraid of you giving up on me for it? _

_My love for you was never blind. I could see all your faults. Just as you could see mine. I can't help but look at you because I never want to stop seeing everything there is to see about you. _

_I'm watching you go through your drawers. You pick up various pieces of clothing. I guess, unlike me, you know how to make decisions. _

_Your back's turned when you begin to disrobe. You're not asking me to leave. God, you're doing so many things to me. But I'm hitting a new low cause it just looks like you don't want to tell me to leave but you don't want me to think about you that way either. _

_But I can't help it. Your hair's wet – most of it put to the side. It's not rational, I know. You were naked in front of me only five minutes ago. But I've been on the sideline for so long – staring at you that way when you weren't looking, that it's just all coming back to me. Your shoulders and your collarbone are exposed and this is where I can't help but begin constructing thoughts; except there is no garment to remove. _

_As I lower my gaze to your back, I think about how my fingers find solace in the groves of the ribs. And then I begin not to see with my eyes but with my dick, thinking about spooning against your ass. Unlike other parts of your body, it's not thinner and when you part those long and amazing thighs of yours, you grant me that space and send me over the edge. Even seated, Donna, you're making me thick and heavy against my belly. So what is it going to be? I guess you've won. I'm breaking that damn silence. But by the time I'm done with what I intend to say, I hope that boner will be long gone. _

Harvey stood up and walked up to her slowly. She stopped unfolding her jeans when she felt the thud coming from his heavy footsteps. She sighed feeling she didn't have it in her to talk anymore. But for a moment she thought the ghost she'd been chasing after was chasing after her and ready to let it all out.

He rested his neck in the crook of her neck and pressed himself against her back, his skin covering hers like a second one. Amidst the small flow of tears dripping from her eyelids, she couldn't help but raise a brow when she felt just how turned on he was. To say she was shocked would be an understatement.

"I'm not doing this, Harvey."

"Doing what?"

"Not everything can get resolved this way."

"Who says I want sex?"

"Harvey..." She felt him inhale her.

"I can't control it, Donna," he admitted bluntly.

She chose to dismiss him but she understood how one step away she was of caving in under his touch. "You're not asking me where I'm going?"

"I don't think you're leaving."

"I'm going to buy something to eat because, in case you haven't noticed, I'm hungry for something other than sex," she half-quipped.

"You're not leaving, at least not until your hear me out."

_Get over yourself, Harvey! You left me hanging in there and bossed me around only a second ago and you expect me to hear you out?_

"There really is nothing to –"

"I'm sorry," he said barely above a whisper.

"Harvey…"

"I'm so sorry."

She didn't think she'd ever hear him sob.

_Why couldn't you realize you wanted me like this before?_

"I'm fucked up, Donna."

_Why do I suddenly feel like I'm responsible for that? I'm such an idiot. _

She immediately turned around and hugged him. "No, you're not. I'm sorry too, I should have told you I wanted to be with you. I thought you weren't ready, I –"

"No, you were right; I would have messed up, just like I did in the shower, just like I have a hundred times before."

"Maybe, I was wrong –" She began, tilting her head back to look at him before he cut her off.

"You've always been right about me, Donna," he stroked her shoulder with his thumb. "I trust your judgement, remember?"

"You know I'm not always right," she shook her head.

"I don't care, Donna. It doesn't change the fact that I switched myself off around you. I told myself not to feel."

_Harvey, stop looking for my pain or my desire. They're one and the same. I know you're feeling it too._

"I did the exact same thing, Harvey," she sobbed too.

"Then you felt it too – the longing – that break in our usual rhythm?" He was searching her eyes.

_The longing? A break in our usual rhythm? Come on, Harvey… damnit you're actually serious here. _

_Somehow, I don't have it in me to joke about your wording. I'm not okay hearing you say all this. And now… all I want to do is shut you up with a kiss to let you know we don't need to keep going. But then I nod and all my thoughts clear out because you're doing exactly what I asked of you. _

"You know how I keep saying I'll always protect you?"

She nodded again.

"It wasn't always the case… at least not until I realized my loyalty was to you alone. No matter what. This wasn't about falling on my sword for you."

"What do you mean?" He looked so vulnerable, her concern transpired in the tightening of her jawline.

"I didn't care about being disbarred. I wanted you to feel like you could still count on me."

"What about the firm?"

"There's no firm without you."

"Being a lawyer is your whole life, Harvey."

"It's not." There was no quiver in his voice. His unwavering stare got to her; piercing and soft to the point where anxiety sets in.

She gulped at his words. Her heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, the two orbs staring at her became a whirl of memories.

_We just made partner._

He cupped her cheek, looking worn out. "It's just my name on a wall."

_You and I are like this._

But she sensed his strength too and immediately reached up to touch his hand, trying to keep her own from trembling.

_Two adults who care about each other don't move on at all._

"I know I can't change how and who we were," he paused, licking his lips. "But surely, you must know… it's always been your name that mattered."

_I can't cut you out of me. _

_And right there, I break, I burn and replay that moment in my head long enough to make you wait in the same fashion you made me wait earlier. I guess, I'm fucked up too, Harvey. You're looking at me like you're expecting something of me. But you're not asking me to say anything. So, I touch your face and feel a chill course through me as I feel that wetness under my fingertips._

"I love you too, Harvey."

_God, you're barely breathing. I hear you whisper my name as if you were saying it for the first time. If there were ever a perfect declaration of love, it wouldn't even measure up to this one. You took it back to the start and made me discover who we are. And you know, as I press my lips to yours, that I find meaning in your name too: my whole world._

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I hope you guys enjoyed this one. It's unbeta-ed again because I felt some of you wanted a quick update. I have to be honest here, that chapter made me tear up a bit. I'm still open to constructive criticism but I have to be honest here, I'm just trying to write what I want to write and this is on interpretation of Harvey & Donna. It's not supposed to be what's going to happen on the show. But I guess, a part of me wishes that their feelings here are somehow connected to the way they actually feel about each other in canon realm.

I'd like to thank my B-friend for supporting me through this chapter even though she was busy and didn't get a chance to read the end. :P If it sucks, just lie to me, lol.

And by the B-way guys, I love you and your reviews on ff. *winks* And now, onto ch.6!


	6. Chapter 6

**Million and One**

_A darvey fanfiction_

Part 5 - Executor of my make-believe

_How you got your hands in my boxers again, I don't even know. I was just kissing you, showing you all of that faith you put right back in me. But you're right there, stroking me, getting me ready again – slow, tantalizing. Torment me with your kiss, tongue darting in my mouth. I'm the one who cornered you against that chest of drawers and yet I'm the one trapped in you. A minute ago we were slow dancing to that feeling of romance, measured in our kisses, sedating ourselves, hitting those imaginary breaks to slow down our hearts. You're a bit of a pain right now, you know? You won't let me take care of you; I'm allowed to touch you it seems, everywhere except there. And the frustration is growing._

"I thought we were getting break… lunch, is it dinner yet?" He smiled against her neck, before sucking on it.

"Stop talking."

_And I stopped because you're so hot; all I see is the fire emanating from you – actual flames turning your eyes into amber orbs. You finally had me. I was going to get down for the count. But then your phone started to ring on the bed nightstand._

"I'm not getting that," he said, kissing her bare shoulder.

"I don't want you to get that." She breathed in between kisses.

"Haven't people heard of texting already?" He asked before trailing his lips up her neck.

She applied more pressure on his head, urging him on. "Focus, Harvey."

His hot breath quickened and sent waves of heat against her neck as she began stroking him faster.

The phone stopped ringing and he lifted her off the ground, carried her to the edge of the bed before flinging her onto it and landing on top of her. He stooped down to catch her lips in a hasty kiss. In a hurry to have her again, he frantically started pulling his boxers down. She couldn't help but laugh softly at his antics.

"Are you gonna give me a hand?" He panted.

"No," she mouthed.

He raised an eyebrow, allowed himself a moment to take in her wicked grin and suddenly propped himself up, sat on his knees, grabbed her hips and made her lay flat on her stomach. A shriek of pleasure escaped her. He was staring at her back as he arched over her. He managed to slide his boxers halfway down his hips, just low enough to free his hardened penis.

Feeling it nudge her bare ass, she realized she wanted nothing more but to lean back for a look. But the heat was enough to give her plain sight.

He leaned back for a look and guided it between her butt cheeks before burying it between her barely parted thighs. Fully aware of the effect he was having on her, he pressed himself on top of her and whispered in her ear.

"You're into me," he teased.

"What's that? I'm not sure I heard you right?"

"Say it," he said, kissing her upper back.

"You're one to talk. Have you felt that limb of yours?" She chuckled.

"It's easy, really. Just say: 'Harvey… I'm into you.'" He kept pressing, placing a hand under her stomach to lift her up slightly, and descending it to her groin region.

"Fine… I'm into you," she said hoarsely and paused before readying herself for another tease and stating matter-of-factly: "But you're not."

"Soon." He grabbed the edge of the mattress with one hand, feeling hers immediately connect and intertwine with his. With his hand acting as a barrier between her and the mattress, he began rubbing himself against her entrance.

She was clutching the torn ends of the sheets in her trembling fingers and yet loosening her grip on his hand. He could feel himself reach that point of no return despite his effort not to. He squeezed his cock, moved lower and rested his head on her back and kept pleasuring her with his hand.

The phone rang again.

"What the fuck?"

"Don't pick it up…" she panted against the pillow, clutching his hand more tightly.

"I'm gonna send that damn caller to hell, you mean." He removed his hand from her and heard her groan in disbelief. He grabbed the phone from the nightstand without moving from on top of her and his heart stopped seeing the caller ID.

He swiped his phone and answered: "Mom?"

Donna chuckled. The receiver's end was loud enough that she could hear their conversation.

"Harvey, honey. I'm so sorry to bother you, you must be busy at work."

"Yes – I mean no, I –"

Donna almost burst out laughing right there. She patted his thigh as a sign to move and he gave her some room to turn around. He noticed how her neck was covered in sweat and almost hung up the phone at the sight of her. She couldn't believe how his mother could leave him this speechless.

"How are you?"

He sighed, watching Donna's face as he placed a hand on her cheek, stroking the heated flesh with his thumb.

_Like I'm living in a dream and she's taking me to the paradise in her eyes and she tastes just right. This is how I feel, Mom. _

"I'm great, Mom." His voice was stern and assertive, but his tone was one of the softest Donna had ever heard coming out of his mouth.

"I'm glad to hear that." He could tell she was smiling.

"So why are you harassing me on the phone?" He rolled his eyes.

"What do you mean?" She sounded surprised.

"Didn't you call me like 15 minutes ago?"

Donna mouthed, correcting him: "More like five."

He tilted his head to the side, playfully warning her that going on like this wouldn't bode well for her.

"No, I didn't," his mother said.

He pressed mute on his phone and asked Donna: "Who was it then?"

"I don't know, just check your last received calls dumb–"

He hushed her before she could finish her name-calling foolishness. He checked his phone and said: "It was Louis."

"Harvey?" He heard his mother call after him.

"Why didn't I think of it?" Donna rolled her eyes.

Harvey pressed his index finger to his mouth, asking her to keep quiet before unmuting his phone.

"Yes, Mom," he said, I'm sorry what were you saying?"

"I'm calling to tell you we're throwing your brother a party for his birthday and you know how it's been for him with everything that went on with Katie…"

"Yeah I know," he said barely above a whisper, searching Donna's eyes as she ran a hand through his hair – soothing the turmoil she knew he felt about his brother's imminent divorce.

"I'd like for you to come," Lily stated.

"I'd like that too," Donna whispered, trying to suppress a laugh again.

His eyes went wide. She could really turn the worst memories into fleeting, distant ones.

"When is it?" he asked, trying to dismiss her and yet thanking her for the distraction with a smile.

"This weekend… I mean, it'd be great if you could join us on Friday for dinner."

"We'll be there."

"We?" Donna said out loud, astonished.

"We?" His mother echoed Donna's words. "Oh, you're not alone, I'm –"

Like a stallion racing the rain, he cut her off: "Mom?"

He could hear his mother try to regain some form of composure. "Yes, Hon?"

"There's someone I really want you to meet."

He noticed Donna's facial expression had changed from playful to questioning. His eyes were so focused on hers, she felt a thunder inside of her heart.

"I'm bringing her over."

_Friday… as in tomorrow? We've only been together a little over half a day._

"I can't wait to meet her."

_Friday's tomorrow. I'm meeting his mother. _

"Good. See you tomorrow, Mom." He hung up.

"Harvey…" Donna began.

_There's no time to think for you're still on top of me and quickly throw the phone away. You shut me up, taking me by surprise with a long demanding kiss. You're carving your love into me, your tongue piercing through what would have been a wall of words. Had I dared bring up the invitation, found some pitiful excuse or just argued that you couldn't force me to do anything, I'd have missed on that sweet taste of your mouth and the feeling of your dick pressing against me. The rush of your hips has me part my thighs aside because I need you entering me hard. And you do and I gasp. You're better than American money, the pursuit of happiness and all the popular culture that's been so loud at telling me what love should be like. You're better than everything I could have asked for. You feel so good I'm about to reach kingdom come with each thrust. And you groan and pant your way up my breaking point. I can't help but grab your face as your strength sinks deep into mine and binds us one more time. _

_I'll stop pretending you're not my lover for life, Harvey; even though for thirteen years it's all I've ever wanted you to be._

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I'd like to thanks my sweet B-friend for this one. And all the people who supported me and helped me writing this with their words of encouragement. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I personally can't wait for ch.7 when Lily gets to meet Harvey's special someone. ^^

Thank you for all the reviews guys. Don't forget to leave me a review on ! I live for those.


	7. Chapter 7

**Million and One**

_A darvey fanfiction_

Part 6: These steady hands.

_After, literally hours of spooning, you and I are finally sharing that meal. Never once in my adult life had I thought I'd say that. My stomach is full of that shitty meal we just ordered in. You'd think that with all the money you and I have we'd go out to dinner, leave that bubble and just buy the most expensive meal there is but no. This seems to be our safe place. I never thought my apartment would be that for you. I guess you really wish you'd stayed that other morning. I can't say I don't fantasize about wrapping myself in your sheets though. Who am I kidding? Wherever you and I are – as long as we're together – feels like our bubble. _

_We had sex and then you showed me how much you loved me. I started doubting it all again and I stirred up a fight. We made up and had sex again. And now you're looking at me, calling on my tired smile. And I feel like my heart could burst while I'm watching you smiling right back at me. You lead me to the couch and as we stare at my – albeit – smaller view of the New York Skyline, it seems like we've accomplished so much. Have we really conquered it all together? Or is there much to be done still? It feels as if my life ends and starts with you. _

_Is our connection greater than us? It feels so big out there now, Harvey. You could have lost it all because of me. I remember watching you staring at your large clean designer office window every day for so long, thinking you could achieve anything. Was I ever your anchor? The person that could pull you back to reality? Or was I dreaming alongside you for something that I knew wasn't mine for the taking? Seeing our reflection now in my small apartment window, I can't help but ask. _

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hmmm," Harvey said, kissing her temple.

"What do you like about the New York Skyline?"

He eyed her suspiciously. "Are you trying to get me to do some soul searching here?"

"It's up to you," she softly said.

He sighed and scratched his stubble. "You really want me to answer that."

"Hm – hm," she nodded.

"Okay," he paused. "It seems… quieter. It gives you this sense of power; a reason for being. But I like it best at night, when the work day's over and it seems like even at the worst of times, I can get some sort of power from those million tiny endless lights. They just fuse into a source of strength allowing me to fight off the darkness, live to fight another day. That sort of thing."

He looked at her seemingly dazzled face and added: "Happy?"

"God, you're a poet," she joked.

"Or… you know, I could just have easily been thinking about the next person I'd share the evening with," he waggled his eyebrows at her.

"That's more like you."

"Is it?" He asked, staring back at her.

She looked caught off guard. "What do you –"

"There isn't a night I haven't allowed myself to look at your reflection. Whatever that entailed. No matter what I'd do, no matter whom I was dating or going out with. You were always there."

"Not always," she admitted.

"I wasn't either but at some point you really weren't there anymore; so I'd try to find a way to see you."

"But it wasn't the same."

"No, it wasn't… but it was just as good. Cause every time you'd drop by, I was reminded of why none of those lights mattered."

"Are you saying I was your light in the dark?" She asked nonchalantly, arching an eyebrow.

He imitated her. "I'm saying you needed me."

She smirked and decided to press him to dig deeper. "Noooo, what you're saying is –"

But there was no need to because he shut her up with a kiss and smiled against her lips. She giggled feeling his stubble against her jaw.

He was working on her cardigan and about to trail his fingers under the hem of her tank top when his phone shimmed in his pocket.

"Not again…" she lamented against his cheek.

He pulled it out, sighing. "It's Louis."

She kissed him one more time, letting her fingers linger a little while longer and said: "I'll be in the bedroom."

"Eavesdropping?" He smirked.

"Harvey Reginald Specter, who do you take me for?"

"Is the living room bugged, Roberta?"

"I'm not answering that one," she concluded, closing the bedroom door behind her.

He chuckled and finally swiped his finger across the screen.

"Hi, Louis."

"Harvey, where in God's name have you been? I've been trying to contact you all day."

"I noticed," he quipped.

"I called Donna, she hasn't answered me either."

"She noticed too."

"And she's about to have her hands full with IT, ops and Finance…" There was a pause but Louis ended up dismissing his comment. "May I remind you Robert just got disbarred to save your ass? So we need to come up with a press release STAT."

"Samantha and Alex can take care of it with you."

"They can but let me remind you that our names are the first on that goddamn wall and we need to secure Robert's clients."

"Louis?"

"I know I told you to go home last night but I hadn't thought about all that we'd –"

"LOUIS!" Harvey warned, louder.

"WHAT?" Louis followed on his partner's tone.

"I'll come by tomorrow morning. But we need a break."

"We?"

"Listen buddy… is the firm in immediate danger?" Harvey put his phone on speaker.

"Well, I wouldn't presume –"

"Good, so is _us_ dropping by tomorrow any comfort to you?"

"Yes," Louis admitted.

"Then we'll be there. But Donna and I are going away for the weekend."

"Let me get this straight… Us, we, wait what?"

"See you tomorrow, Louis." Harvey said before hanging up. He switched his phone to airplane mode and set it on nearest table before walking to the bedroom.

The door was half opened and he noticed Donna leaning against the wall to the right. She'd been waiting for him.

"Poor Louis." She smiled up at him.

"So you _were_ eavesdropping."

"I just finished booking our flight by the way." She dismissed him and immediately stressed: "And used your card."

"How early is our flight?" He played into her little theater-style aside.

"It's not. I'm not gonna leave the firm hanging out to dry."

"I knew you wouldn't."

"We land at 6."

"Right on time for dinner," he said.

"So, I'm going to meet your mother."

"She's going to meet _you_," he corrected.

"Should I book a hotel room too or –" She sounded slightly in panic.

"Let me take care of that tomorrow, okay?" He reassured her, stroking her cheek.

"Okay," she leaned into his touch.

"So about you listening in on everything," he repeated, with a devilishly handsome look on his face.

She looked at him sheepishly. "You're the one who put him on speaker!"

"I knew you'd want to hear his reaction." He slowly moved up to her, closing the bedroom door behind him. As he cornered her against the wall, setting both his hands on her waist, he added: "God, I'm exhausted."

"We should sleep," she said, putting her arms around his neck.

"How come I want you like this?" He asked, nudging his face in the crook of her neck and circling her waist.

"Not my fault if you're a sex addict," she chuckled.

"I don't want to have sex. I just wanna touch you and feel you," he kissed the crook of her neck, hugging her close. "Just like this, all the time."

_Why are you shaking, Harvey? You got steadier hands than me. _

She stroked the back of his hair, soothing him and inhaled sharply, "God, you really have your way with women."

_I know you can sense how vulnerable I am. It's really like you to make a joke and I love it. It doesn't take more than a second for you to make me walk backwards in the direction of the bed and that's when gravity ends. I'm falling onto that bed in slow motion as if I were diving in between those buildings, taking that risk, that plunge; wishing, hoping I could be who you wanted all the time. My fingertips burn every time I touch your freckles; the smell of your skin is intoxicating. It captures my mind and I reminisce. Was I really staring in the distance? Or was I looking your way, seeking out that understanding; catch that moment where you'd say I shouldn't worry, that I'd get there – back to my everlasting light. _

_I want Mom to know just how real you are, Donna. You never were special. You never were different. You're just the real thing in this fallacy I built for myself. There's no point in going to work or stare at that billion dollar skyline if you don't walk up to me and call my name. _

_And you let me crawl inside your skin and I need nothing else. Before I catch your lips, my name's on your breath just as your name dwells on mine. _

_And to say I almost let my real light burn out._

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Hi guys! Sorry this one is unbeta-ed. Don't worry the "Donna meeting Harvey's mom" is coming. I'm just feeling a little under the weather right now so I can't write more tonight. But I'll update when I can. Don't forget to leave me a review. I need them:))))

I can't thank my B-beta yet on this one bc we haven't had time to chat and I'm sorry for all the mistakes but I really wanted to give you guys an update.

Thanks again for all the reviews, guys. They mean so much to me.

Yours,

B


	8. Chapter 8

**Million and one**

_A darvey fanfiction_

_(This one is unbeta-ed, you've been warned – sorry for the mistakes, I wanted to upload this one for you fast)_

Part 7: On the corner where someone used to live

_You can make me feel something, even when you're not around. I looked at my clock and saw that it was just past seven in the morning. I heard the door closing on your way out. I hope you kissed me. I'm sure you did. There's a piece of paper under my hand. Is it a note? You're full of surprises, Harvey. I smile and I unfold it and understand just how hard it was for you to leave me._

"**Hey, didn't want to wake you up – **

**I wouldn't have gone to work otherwise. **

**I'm going home to get some fresh clothes **

**and prepare my bag for the weekend…**

**Don't forget to do the same and bring your suitcase to work. **

**Those 34 hours together (not that I'm keeping track)…**

**Let's just say, it hurts me more than you know to leave you.**

**See you at work. I love you so much Donna. **

**Harvey**

**(Ps. Took me at least 10 minutes to write this, **

**I hope I did it right)"**

_You did and I giggle and feel everything. _

It was sometime around 9 AM when Harvey walked the floor of Louis's office. All he could think about was Donna, the morning they missed out on and their upcoming getaway. He couldn't suppress the desire within him.

_I want to text you now. But I shouldn't. I'm restless. I need to focus. And then call Mom. And focus again. But you just make me feel down to my bones – eyes opened when we talk, eyes closed when we sleep together; you make me feel everything I wouldn't try to give into before. It's so intense I want to run straight back to you. No one's ever done that to me. No one. _

After a few minutes, Louis showed up.

"Harvey, right on time!" The managing partner moved past his friend and behind his desk.

"Louis!" Harvey got taken away from his thoughts and put his hands in his pockets. "So, read me in. How's it lookin–"

"First, I gotta ask… are you and Donna…"

"Together… yes," he nodded, smiling.

"I'm so happy for you." Louis quickly moved from behind his desk to hug Harvey. "And for her."

Harvey accepted the hug – although huge displays of affection from Louis always scared the crap out of him. "Thank you, Louis."

"Don't mess this up, okay?"

At some point in his life, Harvey was sure he would have argued as to why Louis thought he'd mess their relationship up. But he simply chose to reassure him – believe in his own words and erasing all the doubts he would have once had.

"I won't," he said, patting his friend's back.

"Good." Louis broke the hug, gripping his partner's arms firmly. "She needs this, she needs you; you know that, right?"

He felt heaviness in his throat, like there was something stuck in it. The weight of their relationship was somehow more important than themselves – Harvey and Donna – as individuals. Harvey patted Louis's back reassuringly and could tell he seemed on the verge of having a runny nose that had nothing to do with sickness.

"Are you crying?" Harvey frowned.

"No," Louis said, trying to act natural. He moved back to his desk and concluded their personal talk: "Right, let's get to work."

* * *

Donna got into work later than she hoped she would. It took her longer to prepare her suitcase, trying to get all the essentials for her first romantic – slash birthday slash meeting Lily – getaway weekend in years.

_Try and catch a glimpse of him soon? Hard to resist. Heels that kill my feet but are to die for? Definitely. Embodiment of sexiness? Check. And yet professional? Always. _

_Why can't I stop smiling? _

The first person she saw as she walked out of the elevator was Gretchen.

"Of all the street lights and passing cars I saw this morning, this red light I'm seeing can't be real. What happened to you, Red?"

_What kind of metaphor was that?_

Donna turned around and buttoned her lips. It wasn't a fight but she was blushing beyond repair and it was the only way for her not to get read.

"You're drawing a veil over something… it's not unpleasant. It's the stark opposite," Gretchen mused – narrowing her eyes at Donna.

Through tight lips, Donna begged: "Stop reading me."

"In all the time I've worked here, you've never missed a day of work."

"Gretchen…"

"Love's found you, Red."

Donna tried to form something coherent but was cut short by the best secretary she'd ever had the pleasure of working with.

"Save your breath, Donna. I listened in on Harvey and Louis's conversation this morning."

_Oh you're way more than good, Gretchen. _

"Oh, and what did they talk about?" She asked, eyes wide with mischief.

Gretchen arched an eyebrow. "Harvey's a very needy man."

"I hope he and Louis hugged it out," Donna joked, knowing all pretenses to be gone.

"They did," Gretchen sighed. "It was an awful sight."

"See, love's found Harvey too," Donna winked before walking away.

"Hey Red," Gretchen called after her, grabbing Donna's hand in the process.

It caught her off-guard. Her gaze took in Gretchen's suddenly teary one.

"I'd hoped for this. For you two to..."

"Now, I need a hug too," Donna said, not downplaying it in the least. She gave the woman the warmest of hugs.

"Oh Red… aren't we an awful sight?" Gretchen chuckled through her tears.

"Nope, we're a beautiful light my friend."

Katrina's voice interrupted them momentarily. "Can I get in on that hug?"

"Of course," Donna said, gesturing for the senior partner to get in.

"Good morning, Katrina," Gretchen let out.

"Good morning, Gretchen… Donna… What are we hugging for again?" She asked, genuinely.

"Harvey got lit up real good," Gretchen sniggered.

_I can't believe we spent another twenty minutes in the kitchen lounge discussing my new status with Harvey as if the firm's well-being depended on it. Seeing the look on Katrina's face as she realized Gretchen was talking about me and Harvey was a sight to remember. I knew it meant more to her than she'd let on. She aspires to be me and to find that kind of love. I really hope you will find it too, K. I want to know it will but I can't promise anything – not when I thought my happiness would be damaged for the rest of my life only 38 something hours ago. _

"So… what's with the gorgeous Rimowa suitcase?" Katrina asked, offering Gretchen a cup of coffee.

"Thank you," Donna winked at her colleagues' great taste for fashion. "Harvey and I are going away for the weekend. It's his brother's birthday and... I'm going to meet his mother."

"Isn't it a bit soon?" Katrina looked more worried than Donna had over the span of 12 hours.

"I didn't really have a choice. He kind of forced it on me," Donna acknowledged.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Katrina pressed.

"I met Carl's mother 15 minutes after we were done fooling around," Gretchen shrugged.

"Really?" Katrina let out.

"She was an old hag but she never had a say in who her son should date."

"How come?" Donna was intrigued.

"I was his first and last," Gretchen laughed.

"I don't think Harvey's mother is like this though…" Donna's voice faltered.

"Aren't you the least bit apprehensive?" Katrina continued.

Donna scanned the glass walls to make sure Harvey wasn't in sight. "I trust Harvey. I just don't know what to expect from this weekend. Am I a terrible person for thinking that?"

"Everything's going to be fine, Red," Gretchen sighed.

"You don't know Harvey's history with his mother," Donna reasoned.

"I don't. But just like me, I don't think she knows the half of your history with him either." Donna glanced back at Katrina who gave her a feeble smile.

"Gretchen the wise has struck again," the young lawyer said.

Donna finished up her coffee and checked the time on her phone before saying, her voice clipping: "Would you look at the time… I should get to work. I have so much to do and no idea where to start."

"Relax, I got the secretaries and reception covered yesterday." Gretchen looked like a mafia boss.

"And I the paralegals, so I'd say now you need to take care of everybody else," Katrina winked.

"Thanks you gals." Donna smiled even though she knew today would probably require a lot of convincing.

* * *

_It's already past one in the afternoon and I'm getting that itch that needs scratching. I have to see you. You're not in your office. I won't dare check the bathroom. Or would I? God, I'm useless. Why can't I act like a regular boyfriend and text you? I'm trying too hard to surprise you. So I take the elevator and hope you're on the IT floor. But if you're not, I have to go meet up with one of Robert's clients anyway. As the door opens, my heart skips a beat and my breathing's on hold. I see you coming in, maroon dress hugging your curves, deep in your files; that Bic four color pen stuck between your teeth. You're not looking up, definitely not acknowledging my presence. You don't even notice me. Maybe it's because I forgot to put on some cologne this morning. What about my famous male scent? I'm disappointed in you, Donna. Still, I feel like it's my lucky day. I let my fingers graze lightly against your own, pressing the button going down as you press the one going up and I give you the most casual "hi" I got. That's when you realize it's me; you turn around and I get lost in your revelator eyes. I barely have time to admire the shift in them that you drop everything – files, pen and driven professionalism – to secure my mouth with yours. You're backing me up against that elevator wall as the automatic doors close behind us, cupping my cheeks. You're the warmth I missed against my skin, the perfume that kept tickling my mind with the memory of you for years on. I feel unsteady, floundering like a fish trying to find the water of you. We fuse as you make everything turn within me and let work turn without me. You suck on each of my lips and set back into my arms. You take my goddamn breath away._

"Hi." She smiled, feeling him kiss her jawline.

He tasted her lips one more time before saying: "Hi…"

"I love you so much too," she uttered bringing his lips back to scrape hers while grasping his hand.

"I take it you liked my note," he smiled into her lips again.

"You writing skills need some improvement but yes, I did."

"Ouch, that hurts."

A frown quickly formed on his face only to disappear within seconds as he tilted his head to the side and smirked. The way he kept staring intensely into her eyes gave her shivers.

_My spine probably looks like fairy lights on a Christmas tree from the inside. I'm thinking about telling you to stop looking at me this way Harvey because all I want to do is push that Emergency button and have you right there. But I can't get enough of your lingering gaze. Work. I need to talk to you about work. _

"Did you manage to get a hold of Robert?"

"I did. He called his clients yesterday to tell them to stick with us in exchange for a small yearly compensation as well as 75% of his buy-in."

"He's keeping part of his investment? Even though we can't keep his name on the wall?"

"Yes," Harvey sighed. "I owe this man everything and I told him he should be asking for more but he wouldn't listen."

"So he's truly retiring." Donna's own gaze flickered down.

"He is." Harvey started searching her face again. He cupped her cheek to get her to look back up at him. "But he's right, you know. None of that matters. It's the people in our lives who do. And you're my people."

She briefly lingered on his lips as he said it, devouring his moving mouth with her eyes as if she could see the words themselves. Still visibly shaken, Donna chose to nudge her head in the direction of the automatic door even though they'd left the IT floor a while ago. "Well, speaking of people, I managed to reach a deal with the accountants and the IT department. They're asking for more allowances but it was to be expected."

"Donna?"

Frustration flared up on her face. "And I tried my best not to give in to their demands –"

"Donna?" He pulled her closer to him.

"Yes?" She asked, her hand now resting on his shoulder.

"I trust you," he said, pausing for a moment before adding: "I need something from you though."

"Harvey, whatever it is, can't it wait?" She then tried to clarify, babbling more than she wanted to. "I've got a lot on my plate for the rest of the afternoon and we have to leave at –"

His lips engulfed hers before she could even catch a glimpse of mischief in his eyes. He had effectively shut her up with the shock of his uninvited and urgent tongue. She felt helpless and her eyes clenched shut. The taste of vanilla appended itself on him, mixing with his own, discarding the bitter fragrance of morning coffee for the both of them. The steamy kiss overpowered her senses, demanding compatibility. Her perishable breath didn't stop her from returning his pleasure as she started wiggling her own language and choosing to be rid of today's anxiety.

She hadn't realized they'd reached street level until she heard someone cough behind them. Mouth still opened against his, she felt his lips sucking on hers one last time. She lifted her eyes, noticed how her lipstick painted his lips now. By the surprised look on his face, she realized the make-out session was over – his red lips branded with a loud and yet distant loss of control – and turned around. Samantha was standing at the threshold of the elevator, one of her hands resting against the frame.

"So, I take it that's where – or should I say, who – you ran off to the last time I saw you."

Donna felt Harvey step aside slightly and gave him enough space to walk out.

Harvey chose to ignore her remark. "Your timing's perfect. I was just about to go secure one of Robert's most important clients. Care to join me?"

"He's put a list aside for me. I'm good," she shrugged. "Besides, some people have to do some actual work around here."

"And some people have been _busting_ their asses to make things right… for everyone." Harvey didn't take any pleasure in throwing that verbal jab at the name partner.

"Harvey!" Donna glared at him as she started picking up her files.

"It's okay Donna," Samantha began, "I called Robert, I know he did."

He picked up Donna's pen and handed it back to her and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"I'm not apologizing for that one!" He snarled before walking past Samantha.

Samantha chuckled. "I'd never hold my breath."

She then proceeded to join Donna inside and saluted her: "Donna."

"Samantha." The redhead followed suit.

"You look flushed."

"You look like you could use some of that color too," she taunted.

"Oh you little minx." Samantha said, amused.

"50th, I suppose?" Donna bit the inside of her cheek and pushed the button.

"Yes. And then we go straight to my office… I need details."

"We don't have time. I'm on a tight schedule."

"Oh this won't take long," Samantha eyed Donna carefully as the elevator doors finally closed for good. "First, let's talk about _that_ kiss–"

* * *

It's quarter to four when he drops by her office.

"Everything taken care of?" He asked, knocking on her open door.

"Barely," she sighed, not looking up from her file. "You?"

"It went well. Had three meetings. Got two of them to stick with us," he explained.

"Jensen Pharmaceutical and Tri-ANGLE?"

"How do you –"

She looked up at him, fluttering her eyelashes. "Are you really asking me that?"

"I know you love it when I praise your skills," he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I do," she admitted, lingering on the last vowel.

"So, what do you say we continue this conversation slowly walking away from work, move our non-workaholic selves downstairs and get to the airport?"

She lowered her eyebrows. "I really wanted to finish this up…"

"Donna… are you that scared about this weekend?" He asked, suddenly heavyhearted.

"No... no, Harvey," she hesitated, "okay yes. But work isn't an excuse, I really want everything –"

"To go smooth. I know you do… so do I but I haven't planned a weekend in so long," he began, fidgety hands buried in his pockets. "I mean, this is important for me… to be with you."

"_And_ to meet your family."

"Why do you think I want you to meet them now?"

"That's what I don't get."

"Because I want you to know this is it for me. I'll never be able to be with anyone else."

"You don't know that, Harvey," she sighed, closing her laptop.

"I do," he said moving to get her suitcase for her. "Now leave everything on that desk of yours and get your coat," he added, placing his own bag on top of her suitcase.

"You travel light," she pointed out.

He gave her a boyish grin. "I intend to be naked a lot."

She smiled, shaking her head at the beaming confidence in front of her and asked, raising an eyebrow: "Can I bring my purse too?"

He chuckled and waited for her at the threshold of her office. "Do you intend to put any of those files in it with you?"

"No, Jeez…" She rolled her eyes at him.

She picked up her iPhone, placed it in her bag and strutted to the coat rack by the door to grab her coat.

Her demeanor suddenly changed as she watched him watching her.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Donna..."

"I'll never get used to you walking into _my_ office," she let out, putting her coat on slowly. Despite his quizzical brow, she continued her ministration.

He surprised her by leaning in for a kiss and smiled into her reciprocation before walking in the direction of the elevators.

* * *

_I don't remember spending an entire flight to Boston holding someone else's hand for so long – if ever. First, because I never brought a girl – a woman home and second, because I don't know, it just feels right with you. You slept during most of the flight; I sort of take pride in knowing I've tired you out. The good kind of exhaustion, I hope. Watching you sleep, I realized that the pretty face I'd met thirteen years ago had become a career-driven woman. I've told myself that love hadn't come too late. But in its physical form it had. And knowing what you and I can have now, I wish I could go back. Our situation is a dream I want to wake up from and I hate myself for that. Because I know I've always wanted all of you. The liminal state of pleasure – embedded in pain and time lost makes me want to shriek. _

_The twenty-minute drive went by pretty fast, the sound of the radio turned up to a minimum. We didn't talk much. But it's not soothing my hesitant feelings. Reasoning, rather than emotion, is distilling my experiences of thirteen years into a complete sham of an autobiography. Who am I without you? _

_Sometimes I just can't believe how good you are at making plans. I want you to understand that you shouldn't worry. And that I'll do everything in my power not to mess this up even if we have to go through quandaries, quarrels and what not. I know you love your job as COO. You've earned it. But to me you'll always be an unknown: the midtown waitress, the off-off very off Broadway actress I've barely seen act. As well as the best onymous chapter of my life: former legal secretary and a boss's secret fantasy. You moved up the chain and I can't believe I still make you feel things despite our complicated history. _

_You've invested so much in me. Let me invest all that I am, trying to make up for everything. You're surprised when I tell you to stop stressfully rummaging in your bag for your phone again on our way over to my parents' house when I know it's in your coat. I sigh when I say it 'my parents' house. Because it still is even though Dad's well… I don't need to think about that. You've allowed me to find my way back to my mother and I'll forever be grateful to you. This is why I want her to meet you. I can see it in your eyes as soon as you realize I'm full of apprehensions too; you're probing me. I'm letting on so much and nothing at once. I know. But somehow, I hope you can read all of me. _

_As I park the rental on the other side of the street, I hear you exhale sharply._

"I take it we're there," she said.

"We are." He squeezed her hand before pointing at the house in sight from the driver's side window.

He turned to her. "This is where I grew up."

Donna took in her surroundings. It was a quiet dead end street and the house was located at the far end of it. It was a fair-sized house, white with dark green wood shutters, slate roofing and a vast front porch, the upper-middle class kind that was well kept.

"Where you started rebelling?" She teased, running a hand through his hair.

His eyebrow shot to his hairline.

"Your dad," she clarified. "He mentioned that to me once."

It took several seconds for it – the mention of his father – to sink in. He huffed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, grazing her neck with his fingertips. "I haven't been here in a while, not since the funeral. I mean, although she and I are finally on speaking terms again, I just haven't able to –"

"Harvey…"

"Yeah, I know what you're thinking –"

"No, you don't," she nodded in the direction of the house before adding. "I think your mom's coming out of the house to greet us."

Harvey turned to his window and saw his mother walking up to them, arms ready. He sensed Donna was exiting the car so he did the same.

"Harvey." His name remained on her lips long enough for her to pull him into a hug. "I'm so glad you made it."

He watched his mother's expression as she tilted her head back to look at Donna.

"Hi," Lily said, waving her hand shyly.

He loosened his grip on his mother and introduced the slowly approaching redhead: "Mom, this is Donna."

Lily turned her head slightly to face her son, wanting to study his eyes. "Is it…?"

_Whatever she just said to you, Harvey… Don't think for a second I didn't see you nod._

"I'm sorry, where are my manners," Lily apologized. "I'm Lily but you must already know that."

"I do," Donna said extending her hand to the older woman, "I'm very pleased to meet you."

Lily dismissed her hand gave her a strong and relatively long bear hug. Donna's bashful air changed to pure stupefaction. Harvey buried his hands in each pocket as she searched his eyes, eventually shrugging.

Donna didn't have time to send her signature death glare his way that Lily grasped her hands, affectionately and took a good look at her.

"Donna," Lily repeated, "such a beautiful name."

_I usually have some good quality repartee for such a comment but somehow, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. _

Donna smiled. "Thank you."

Harvey walked to the back of the car. Donna heard him open the truck and turned on her heels. "What are you…"

"I'm bringing our stuff inside." Harvey grabbed her suitcase.

"I thought we were staying at a hotel," Donna

"Aren't you supposed to notice such things?" He taunted her, carefully placing his jacket on top of her suitcase before picking up his bag. "I mean, I would have stopped by to said hotel first, wouldn't I?"

"Harvey called to say you guys would stay at a hotel and I asked him if you could stay here, so that you wouldn't have to travel back and forth," Lily admitted and added, uneasy, "I hope it's okay."

"It's perfect," Donna said, noticing Harvey was back beside her.

"I'll see you back inside," Lily told Donna and kissed her son on the cheek, "I have to go back inside and get your pie out of the oven."

"The Strawberry pie?" His eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store.

Lily nodded, cupping her son's cheek one last time before hurrying back into the house.

Harvey took a moment to breathe. He felt Donna's stare – observant, heavy and intent on decrypting everything.

"It's not like you to be quiet,"

"I'm just… I wasn't expecting any of that," she admitted. "She was so welcoming."

"She's already back in the house," he shrugged.

"Please, like I should be scared of a woman running away to take care of her son's eating disorder."

"More like food fantasies, no?" he pondered.

She looked at him as if he were just out of the looney bin. "My hair may look like that fruit, but I'm not it, Harvey."

"I knew you'd pick up on that."

"Your issues run deep."

"I know," he chuckled. "But you _did_ pick up on that which means –"

"Let it go, Harvey," she warned him.

Like dreaming about food in a dieter's world, he kept teasing her, "I'm not so sure you made such a good impression…"

"I think I did pretty well," she countered before trying to pick up Harvey's bag.

"I got this," he stated, dragging the suitcase behind him.

She walked up beside him.

"By the way, is this one of those rom-com scenarios where I have to sleep in your tiny pre-pubescent single-bed?"

"As long as this scenario isn't PG-13, I'm perfectly fine with it."

Donna shook her head, walking up the steps leading to the front porch. "I knew I should have booked that hotel room."

Trailing slightly behind her, Harvey grabbed her hand and stroked the back of it with his thumb. "Hey, I'm really happy that you're here, with me."

She squeezed his hand protectively with her other one. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Their eyes locked and he thought he had an opening for a kiss her but she warned him instead. "You're not getting _any_ of this", she stressed, drawing the contours of her body with her now free hands before adding, "until I get to see that lair of yours and what those sleeping arrangements are like."

"Hey I'm just as frightened as you are," Harvey sighed with a hint of devilry in his eyes, "I don't want to know what she and Bobby did to my rebellious years either."

_I let you go in first. I watch you take your coat off at the threshold, trying to take in all of you, desperately trying to slowdown my heart rate just so I can get to stare at you a little longer. I hope I can get you to see down to my bones. I take a deep breath and you're now out of focus. I take a chance glancing at a memory – the untrodden and untethered lawn to the right of the house. That empty ground… that dead end I would escape to. This isn't easy for me to be here. It never was. But I'm hopeful. See Donna, my family's about to meet the girl I didn't know back then; the one I used to dream of as a teen, the one that would always get away and yet come back, invisible and yet around; the made-up fantasy on the corner of the street where I used to live._

* * *

M&O

M&O

M&O

M&O

I hope you like / review this one guys. I hope you're in for the ride. ;) I promise I'm gonna update soon. So hit me with your reviews. I need them.

I dedicate this one to my B.

Spoiler alert: next chapter is going to be called "_When it hurts you, it hurts me too." _


	9. Chapter 9

**Million and one**

_A darvey fanfiction_

_(Again, this is unbeta-ed, you've been warned – sorry for the mistakes, I uploaded fast again yeah!)_

Part 8: When it hurts you, it hurts me too

_I'm shaking down the dirt on my pumps. I wonder how many times a day you could stare at me. I'm not complaining but it's making me feel anxious. You're way in too deep right now Harvey. This is only the lengthening of our morning after bliss. What you're feeling right now isn't logical. It's instinctive, primal and long coming. That's why I didn't say no to meeting your mother, that's why I can't say no to you taking care of things. Maybe this is happening too soon. Maybe it isn't. I don't even know anymore with us. _

_I can tell the kitchen's to the right as I take of my coat off. Your mom's signaling to us to go settle in your room. She tells me it's the third door to the right upstairs and that we can freshen up using the clean towels she placed on the bed. If I didn't know so little of her, I'd say she's quite organized. _

_I let you take the lead and finally pick up that bag of yours when you're not looking. Your eyes dart at me and you knit your brows before thanking your mother. I say the same and watch you walk your pert ass up the stairs. Ridiculously perfect._

_You open the door for me and I instantly realize my focus hasn't been where it usually is. I walk into the room and drop your bag onto the nearest chest of drawers. I'm sure I heard you coming in with me but I'm feeling a little bit mixed up. I'd be lying to myself if I didn't expect your bedroom to look like the youngest possible version of you with that stupid single bed. But at the same time I'm glad I don't know all there is to know about you._

"I told you it was hard for me to come back each time," he sighed. "But I grew up and so did my room. I hope you like the double bed."

She heard him close the door behind her.

_Of course, you'd come home from time to time, even when you were in college. And each time, you'd see your father, your brother and even your mother. This room, is so you still. Its beauty lies with old car photographs and movie posters that are plastered over the walls. The whole room's atmosphere feels surreal. I can see everything despite the fact that the night's setting. Darkness matters they say but the dim and blue shades give me a good enough view of what you'd stare at. There are a couple of little league trophies on the desk by the window and a saxophone set by the desk's legs. I feel like there's coolness blazing in the shadows until you start breathing down my neck. It's you, it's hot, it doesn't tickle and it has me shut my eyes. You circle my waist with your arms and I let myself lean into the safest of embrace. You sway me a little and leave kisses on my flesh which is calling for release. The driving intensity behind your mouth tends to easily hide the chaos and hardships you've had to endure. But I'm not a fool. You could kiss the crook of my neck and my shoulders a hundred times I would know when something's wrong or when you might look for some sort of solace. I rest my hand on your neck, sliding my fingers through your hair, encouraging you to continue debilitating my knees. My eyes shoot open as you apply pressure on that tense spot of mine and I anchor myself deeper against you, grinding my back down on your groin. I feel your hands move to my breasts, groping and testing my lack of resolve. _

_I feel the floor shake beneath my feet accompanied by the sound of someone banging on it. It's coming from under us; someone must be hitting the ceiling with a cane or a stick. I realize you're tapping your foot to answer the incessant knock, as if on instinct. _

"Dinner's gonna be ready soon," he explained, kissing her neck.

"I should freshen up then," she sighed.

"Give us another minute," he insisted trying to drag her to the bed.

He managed to get her to the foot of the bed before she wriggled out of his hold. Purposely and unabashedly, he threw himself on top of it, burying his face into the pillows.

The corner of her eyes crinkled and a smile played at the corners of her mouth. "You're such a child."

He turned around to lie flat on his back and placed his arm under his head. "This is my prepubescent lair after all. I'm in character."

She growled, moving to the head of the bed. She bent down and her hair flopped onto his forehead. He gently tucked a good chunk of it back into place behind her ear, and rested his hand at the back of her head.

"Thank you," she uttered softly.

"My pleasure." He gently pushed her head back down to his.

She smiled warmly and plunged in for what she thought would be a sweet lingering kiss. He was holding the back of her head like he had no intention of leaving this bedroom anytime soon. His mouth had rarely stretched out for her this way before. He pushed his tongue deep into her, pulling out only to do it again – tilting his head to one side, angling his mouth one way and then the other. His nose quickly brushed against each side of her face. Breathing through the nose was becoming a mission. She grasped the edge of the bed for support and stroked the hand he'd placed on her cheek with her other hand. She adjusted her position by kneeling down on the side of the bed to allow him better access. His kiss tasted different. Hungry, long and hard almost to the point of lacking experience. But he seemed in control while her heartbeat was – as expected – out of it.

_How is it that I feel so much from a kiss? What are you trying to tell me, Harvey? Besides the obvious._

He held onto her bottom lip for a moment, allowing her to catch her breath. The last suction had her moan. She opened her eyes, firmly fixed them on his open mouth. She saw him gasp a couple of times and lick away her saliva. He was immersed in his own mental space, and not the kind that would end up with them practically writing on the bed. The tension his lips had left still reverberated on her own. The way he was panting, eyes shooting up to the ceiling again and the rise and fall of his chest told her something was off.

She cupped his cheek immediately, "Harvey, what's wrong?"

"I'm okay," he explained. "I'm just tired, I guess."

He barely looked at her. "You know damn well I can tell when something's –"

"I just told you…" He calmed himself before continuing, "I'm fine! We should go."

She watched him move out of bed, get one of the towels his mother had laid out for them and quickly followed after him. He was about to open the door when she placed her hand on top of his.

"Whatever hurts you, it hurts me too, Harvey."

"Donna…" he pleaded, turning around to face her.

"Look at me, Harvey," she searched his eyes but his were sluggish so she changed tactics: "Eyes down here, mister."

It seemed to have the desired effect.

"I'm sorry," he uttered.

"It's okay…"

"I can't wait to be alone with you again tonight," he reassured her.

_You clearly don't want to bring up whatever's going on through that head of yours. I understand that you want me to let it go. I want to pressure you but your mother's waiting for us and I won't do that to her. _

_You end our conversation with quick peck on my forehead._

"The bathroom's to the right if you need to go."

_You leave the door open but I close it anyway. I turn around and lean against it, trying to find some sort of footing again. I kick off my heels and walk over to where you placed my suitcase. I put it on the bed, drag the zipper around and take my sneakers out. As I sit down on the bed, I take a peak outside your small window and take note of how appeasing it must be from the inside looking out. It's just as quiet a view from up here as the one back in your office. I hear you run down the stairs. _

_The walls in this house are thin. Seeing your mother isn't the same as being here; as being reminded of it all. _

_No wonder you couldn't look at me._

* * *

Donna came back downstairs a couple minutes later. She saw Marcus coming through the front door with someone she didn't recognize.

Marcus looked up at her. "Hi."

"Hi," she replied.

"Donna?"

"In the flesh!" she blushed.

"This is so great meeting you, hm," he gestured at the man beside him, "Bobby, this is Donna… Harvey's former –"

Donna couldn't help smiling seeing the younger Specter scratch his head.

"Secretary," she finished.

"Mom told me he was bringing his girlfriend over, I didn't know –" He walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Bobby joined in on the conversation, "Well, it's very nice to meet you Donna. I'm Lily's husband."

They looked at each other awkwardly until he suggested they hug it out of the way before adding: "Really nice to meet you too."

"Harvey told me you're their COO now!" Marcus added.

"And she's the best there is." They heard Harvey's lawyered-up voice.

Bobby coughed and broke the hug slowly.

"Hey big brother," Marcus said.

Donna turned her head and saw Harvey in the hallway, leading presumably to the living room. His tie was now out of the way, collar buttoned down and his sleeves were rolled up.

"Harvey," he nodded.

"Bobby," Harvey let out, hands buried deep in his pockets.

"How are you?" The older man asked.

"Never been better," he said.

_I don't know why but I feel like there's an ocean between you and me right now. You're keeping your distance. You want me, I want you but you're not being boyfriend material. _

"Where's your mother?" Bobby asked.

"She's in the kitchen and she's been waiting for that parmesan for over an hour," Lily said all the way from over the kitchen.

"I'd better go help her."

"I'll come with you," Donna offered, giving Harvey the kind of look that conveyed some kind of hurt.

As soon as she was out of the way, Marcus walked over to where his brother was. "So… Donna."

Harvey nodded.

Marcus continued, making sure no one could hear them. "So, all those years ago when I asked you whether you were banging her or –"

"Language," Harvey warned.

"You really wanted to," Marcus smirked.

"Come here you idiot," Harvey said, pulling his brother into a hug.

"I'm not jealous but I gotta say I don't know how you did it," Marcus began before adding, giving his brother a boyish grin: "She's really hot."

"She's mine," Harvey put his arm around his brother's neck, concluding with a back-slap before leading him to the living room.

Marcus stopped in front of a bar and wine cabinet. "What's your poison tonight? I think mom got you some Macallan." He looked through the cabinet.

Harvey eyed his brother, curious. "I'll have whatever you're having but… I thought you'd want a beer or something."

"Let's just say, I need something stronger."

"Is it because you're finally becoming an adult tomorrow?"

"Haha, very funny." He poured two glasses of what Harvey recognized as Brandy before handing one to his brother.

"To your happiness, Harvey. About time." Marcus raised his glass.

"And to yours, brother," Harvey said.

Marcus stared at his drink. "Mine's over, Harv'."

Harvey felt like he was on shaky grounds. "I don't know what to tell you."

"It's okay, I'm managing."

Harvey saw Marcus down the liquor in one go. "Looks like it."

"Don't judge me, Harvey."

"I'm not judging you, I'm just worried about you," Harvey stated.

"Let me worry about my life, you worry about yours." Marcus laid down his empty glass on the nearest tray.

"I'm not _worried_ about mine," Harvey stressed.

"Strange… you looked kind of frozen to the spot earlier," Marcus shrugged. "That's not how I thought you'd introduce your girlfriend to us."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harvey frowned.

"Actually nothing until now. Defensive much?" Marcus developed, pouring himself another glass. He was being a little too aggressive for Harvey's taste.

"You of all people should know it's not easy for me being here," Harvey explained.

"Then why did you come? Or even bring her here for that matter?"

"It's your birthday, man. I want to be here," Harvey replied.

"It's just a birthday, Harvey. You weren't around for the last decade. So why now?"

"She's the reason… for everything," Harvey let out.

Marcus gulped down another one. "Well, understand this, Harvey. _My_ everything's gone."

"You don't know that, Katie could –"

"It's a divorce, Harvey. It's messy even if we're being cordial about it. Think about my kids, how they're feeling. Think about how you and I felt."

"I remember," Harvey acknowledged.

"She's coming over tomorrow with the kids, you know? Mom invited her… I don't know how to be around her anymore." He was about to pour himself another one when Harvey pointed at his brother's glass, concerned.

"Just how many do you plan on having tonight?"

"None of your business," Marcus warned him.

"Dinner's ready!" They heard Donna's voice come through.

Harvey turned around and saw her walking over to the table, bottle of red wine in hand.

"Finally," Marcus let out before whispering to Harvey: "Let me give you some piece of advice. You got everything now, so get your head out of your ass and let her in on whatever you're going through."

Marcus picked up his glass and added before moving to the table: "I know I should have."

* * *

_Mom conveniently asked that you sit next to her, effectively taking you away from me. I'm right in front of you, and you've barely glanced my way for the past twenty minutes. I see the two women in my life deep in conversation about everything chicken. I feel like it's not the conversation you want to have with her. This is just about being polite. You're on your third glass of wine. _

_At some point, things could get interesting. And it better come soon enough. _

_Bobby's trying to make small talk with me while Marcus keeps on drinking. He's barely touched his salad. _

"I read that Chris Sale just signed for another 5 years with the Sox. He's gonna earn 145 million dollars for four seasons, that's just one unbelievable amount of money," Bobby said.

"Yeah, and let's not talk about all the additional money he's going to make doing commercials and such," Marcus joined in.

_I'm a huge baseball fan and Bobby knows it. But I haven't kept up with sports news for a while and I'm definitely not interested in this conversation. Ever since that talk with Marcus, I either want to beat the shit out of him for being an idiot or get some alone with you. _

"Marcus, you've barely eaten anything," Lily said.

_Glad you're finally noticing that, Mom. _

"I'm saving myself for that sweet pie of yours."

_Typical Marcus; lying his way through everything._

"So, Marcus, how does it feel like to turn 40?" Donna cut in.

"Well, it sucks," Marcus began. "How did it make _you_ feel when you did?"

"That's not something a gentleman should ask," Donna countered as jovially as possible.

_You just antagonized him. You're mad. I'm mad at him too. I don't know why I didn't say anything. He's just not himself. Why are you looking at him like that? He's not worth it right now._

"But I'll tell you anyway," Donna stated, "I wanted something more. I felt like I was stuck, alone, unwanted. I wasn't dating anyone, investors wouldn't take me seriously and… nothing else was moving forward."

_Breathe. Don't you let your face start to show just how miserable you feel about that, Harv'. _

_I feel like I'm losing faith in all I do._

"So, about a year ago, I came to Harvey and told him I wanted a seat at the table." She turned to Harvey, "It's the least I could have asked for since you'd forgotten it was my birthday."

_I'm so sorry, Donna._

"The bastard here forgot your birthday," Marcus shouldered his brother, "that's no way to treat the woman you love, Harvey."

"Marcus, let it go," Harvey sighed, trying to remain calm.

"Like you can't let go of me? You've been glancing at my liquor ever since we started eating," Marcus placed his hand on the back of his brother's neck.

"Get your hands off me." Harvey took his brother's hand away.

"Fine… fine…" Marcus turned to Donna again," I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, Donna." Marcus licked his lips before adding, "Us Specter men aren't really gentlemen."

"Marcus will you stop?" Bobby warned him.

"He actually drunk dialed me once and I got him to say how he felt about secretaries and trust me it involved a lot of bending over his desk," Marcus spat out. "It's no surprise you two got together really."

"That's enough, get out of here and come back when you're sober again," Harvey rose from his chair.

"No, he's staying," Lily warned her eldest son. "He can't drive in that state."

"I apologize, Donna, I didn't mean it as an insult," Marcus stated, "as you can see, I'm slightly drunk and I know it doesn't excuse anything. But turning 40 when people keep judging you every day for the mistakes that you've made – sometimes forgetting that losing your wife might be a little more complicated than just losing your house – well it makes it not as fun as you hoped it would be."

_I can't deal with my pain, let alone his. I shouldn't have come. Nor should I have brought you into this. What does it say about me? About my family?_

"I'm so sorry for this, Donna." Lily grasped Donna's hand reassuringly.

"I'm a big girl, and I can see he's in pain," Donna muttered under her breath.

"He's been a little on edge lately." Lily looked more sad than ashamed.

_Stop downplaying it, Mom. He's a fucking wreck. _

"Oh I'm a little on edge, is that it? The only reason Mom invited Harvey here is because she thinks he knows better. That he's more mature; it's always been this way, even when he wasn't around." Marcus turned to his mother, "But I don't want to get my life back on track, Mom. I want either my old life back or to simply forget."

"Marcus, that's not –" Lily tried but her cut her off again.

"It's okay Mom, I still love you."

"Okay, who wants some pie?" Lily asked, trying to change the conversation.

But no one answered.

"I'll just go get it." Lily rose up from her chair and picked up the salad bowl, "Bobby, can you help me with the dishes?"

Bobby nodded and started picking up the plates and cutlery.

_You're eyeing me carefully now. And I know it means you're about to say something. This has nothing to do with you. Drop it now. _

"I'm terribly sorry about what happened between you and your wife, Marcus." Donna rose up from her chair and went to sit next to Marcus. "But I think you've had enough to drink for tonight. It's not helping and you know it."

"I screwed up on my own." Marcus moped about.

"Well, that's just it. Sometimes you screw up and sometimes things that… are just out of your control happen and you don't know what triggered them but they change the dynamic you are in." She glanced at Harvey for a split second: "And the person you think you know just flips."

"I gambled, I didn't cheat, I mean… I just want things to go back to normal in my brain," Marcus swallowed hard.

"Normal's overrated but trying to stay sober seems like a good start," Donna said.

"Not for us though," Harvey cut in for the first time in what felt like ages. "I mean she and I started drinking trying to find our new normal at some point."

"And look where it got us," Donna quirked an eyebrow.

"In the sack apparently," Marcus cut in, cracking up.

Harvey shook his head in disbelief but eventually smiled up at Donna. "Probably wouldn't have taken as long had we not been trying to salvage what was left of before."

"Before?" Marcus asked, intrigued.

_When everything used to add up, when you were my secretary and I'd shredded any hope of ever being with you; any hope of you feeling the same way about me. _

"It doesn't matter anymore." Donna looked at Harvey one last time before pouring Marcus a glass of water. "Now, drink up."

_That kiss in your office will always matter, Donna. _

"Do I have a choice?" Marcus grinned sheepishly.

"You do but I know you're going to make the right one," Donna concluded.

Harvey rubbed his neck and sighed with relief when he saw Marcus drink the water.

* * *

_Your mother sure knows how to bake pies. Those strawberries were so good that the taste isn't leaving my mouth anytime soon. I can tell you savored every bite too. I don't know why but that thing that just happened with your brother triggered something in you. _

_An hour's gone by and you and Bobby decide to drag Marcus upstairs and get him into bed while I give your mother a helping hand. I just clear the table, moving in and out of the dining room and back into the kitchen as I go. Until she stops me on my track. _

"Thank you, Donna," Lily broke the comfortable silence they were in.

"For what?" Donna asked, uneasy.

"What you said to Marcus, despite all the horrible things he said to you." Lily stopped scrubbing the pie plate. "I was prying… I heard everything."

"I do that too," Donna smirked, "sometimes."

"I didn't know tonight was going to turn out this way," Lily stated.

"It's not your fault, Lily. None of us could have," Donna frowned.

"I should have," the older woman sighed, "Marcus is right; I've always made Harvey my primary focus. But I had my reasons…"

"Because he knew," Donna said, with a deadpan expression.

Lily's eyes brightened at the red head's reply.

"Of course it was because he knew. I love my sons equally, Donna. But Harvey was older and I didn't want to see Marcus go through it too," Lily explained.

"But he did anyway."

"What Harvey feels about cheating, Marcus feels about gambling. It's different and yet one and the same. I feel like I'm responsible."

"I know it's not my place to say but…" Donna paused, licking her lips before saying, "you are responsible."

_Okay, Donna, you just said that. No, I won't start Donna myself. There's no turning back now. _

Lily swallowed expectantly.

Donna continued. "I should know, because part of me waited for your son for years because of his insecurities. But I'm glad things turned out the way they did."

"You're a strange woman, Donna." Lily's went wide.

"I know." Donna remained calm.

"Why do you think this way?"

Donna sighed. "Because I probably wouldn't have been with him hadn't it been for your mistake." Tears threatened her eyes, "And I could have just as easily been that kind of secretary."

Lily cut in, trying to reassure her. "Donna, it was just drunk talk between two brothers, I'm sure –"

But Donna dismissed the rest of the explanation entirely.

"_Your son_ has helped me become the woman that I am today. And if it hadn't been for you, no matter what that says about my taste in men," Donna chuckled in harmony with Lily before adding, "I don't think I would be this in love."

A teary-eyed Lily pulled Donna into a hug, "But are you happy, Donna?"

Her question took the COO off-guard. Donna tried her best to hold back the tears that were gliding down her cheeks. "I just know that whatever happiness is, it doesn't qualify a thing if he's not in my life."

"You have no idea how grateful I am that you are in his," Lily let out between sobs.

_And that one just makes me want to hug you even tighter._

* * *

_I'm about to head into the living room when I see you coming down the stairs. You tell your mother Marcus is sound asleep in his old room and wish her a goodnight. She says something to you that I can't make out. But it's okay, I don't need to know everything. I'm not even sure I want to talk about what happened earlier in your bedroom. Your mother is long gone by the time you offer your hand, suggesting we turn in for the night. _

_I accept it and it feels just like earlier, only this time your bedroom is almost pitch dark, except for the window's small opening that is struck by the silvery light of the moon. I kick off my shoes and try to find the light switch but you hold my hand back and close the door. _

"I owe you an explanation," Harvey said, his voice soft.

_Okay, maybe I do want to talk about it all. _

"You do," Donna challenged him.

"First, that night I told Marcus about you –"

"Wait, I thought this was about more than one secretary," Donna mocked.

Harvey sighed, "Trust me, this was about you. But not that it matters… I was drunk and I think you'd done something to piss me off."

"You're not helping your case, Harvey," Donna warned him.

"The point is… He doesn't know about the other time. And that night, I wanted to fuck you out of my system. Think of you as just an employee; use you in that way instead of confronting my feelings head on."

_I don't know why but the fact that I'm so close to you, thinking about the way you wanted to have me, and that I can feel that hard-on in your pants, arouses me. Who am I kidding? You make me feel that way all the time. _

"But what Marcus didn't tell you about that story was the fact that he'd asked me why I just wouldn't try to have my way with you." Harvey sighed, cupping her cheek.

"And knowing you, I'm pretty sure you didn't answer."

"You're right, I didn't," he gulped. "But I definitely want you to know. So…"

He let go of her hand and her cheek and moved to the window. She leaned against the door, and crossed her arms tightly against her chest.

"Here comes my second point," Harvey began gesturing at the window.

"About a window?"

Harvey nodded, "Yes… You asked me about the glass window in my office. I've had some time to think about it and earlier today, I remembered just how much time I would spend staring at this window here, trying to daydream my life away. I'll leave out the details for now. But the point is that I should have opened the door you're currently leaning against. I should have faced my fears sooner and confronted Mom in this very house."

"You were too young, Harvey."

"Maybe… but I should have told her how I felt."

She didn't speak, letting him continue as she realized he was slowly moving back to where she stood.

"Just like I should have walked straight to your cubicle instead of waiting for you to show up," he finished, barely a feet away from her. "You need to see that what happened earlier had nothing to do with –"

"Harvey," she rested her hand on his chest, "you showed up in the end."

"Donna…"

"Shhh, it's all dark now. There's nothing to see anymore," she uttered before kissing his lips slowly.

She gradually fell to her knees, sliding her hand down his chest to increase his anticipation. She stroked him through his pants and began to unzip them. One of his hands settled on the back of her head. He began caressing her hair. She grabbed his erection and it didn't take long for him to be ready. This would be a battle of the senses – eyesight excluded. Strawberry flavored tongues guaranteed.

She let him go and he pulled her back to him. He searched for the zipper at the back of her dress; the sensuous caresses Harvey was trailing over her back were driving her insane. His hand rubbed her shoulders possessively until he could unclasp her bra. As desperation hit, he ripped her dress off her shoulders. Soon his hand crept inside her bra and teased her breasts under the fabric. She quickly got rid of it and began unbuttoning his shirt up to the point where she'd just had enough and tore it from his body. Without a warning, he scooped her into his arms and crushed her against his chest. Her nipples tightened against him. He took her lips with his, nipped at them and felt her smile with pride before kissing her hard again. The moans he elicited as a response from her had him groan into her lips. She began lifting the hem of her dress up to her waist. He bit and sucked on her neck to the point of leaving bruises, burying his head deeper than her flesh could allow. Her palms slid up to his neck.

"Fuck me like you wanted that night," Donna asked, gasping for air.

"What?" He asked, dumbfounded.

"Fuck your secretary," she commanded, folding her arms around his neck.

He stilled for a moment, searching the face he couldn't see.

"Okay," he said, barely above a whisper before he grabbed one of her legs, wrapping it around his middle. He glided his fingers to her entrance, pushing her panties to the side. He squatted down a little to find the right angle. His cock, wet and slick from her mouth, slipped right in and she felt like her entire body was being torn apart. He grabbed her other leg and started a slow up-and-down movement, her back hitting the door to the rhythm of his hips. He growled a couple of times before the fierce and primal sound turned into a series of moans. She shook from the pleasure and slight pain coursing through her, unable to see, unable to think and keeping the talking to bare urgency:

"Harder."

She arched back with excitement as he sped up. From there on he was doing all the work and neared his climax a couple of times. The scent and softness of her skin was making him wild; his thoughts were taking him everywhere. He was doing her on his desk, and then on hers, in beds of all shapes and sizes; and on the loan outside his window. The way she stroked his ass would pressure him to let go; but he never did. He held on to her until the very end, panting against her skin, trailing his parted lips on every spot he came in contact with until she clenched around him.

The rush she'd felt inside her body was the result of decades of pain: home, office, cheating mother and one secretary. The greatest kind; the kind she took a couple of minutes disentangling herself from.

_Let's just stay like this a little longer, Harvey. I got nowhere else to be._

* * *

M&O

M&O

M&O

M&O

Don't hate Marcus, he's really going through a rough patch. The guy loves Donna, trust me. ;)

I really do hope you liked this one. I wanted to go back to my "personal" kind of writing to be honest. So if this isn't your thing, I'd understand if you stopped

reading.

I'd like to thank everyone who's reviewed so far. if you haven't yet, please do? ^^ Hit me with your love (or hate, haha)

And by the way, I'd like to thank my B again for her earful support.

Till next chapter, guys. Birthday, Katie, kids and bar trouble? ;)


	10. Chapter 10

**Million and one**

_A darvey fanfiction_

_(Again, this is unbeta-ed, you've been warned – sorry for the mistakes, I uploaded fast again yeah! That was a joke but I'm an idiot and had forgotten to type that last sentence...)_

Part 9: I'm looking at the same woman from the other side

_You're like a siren that screams through my heart. Here comes the moment when I realize everything in me shines brighter than this soft morning light. Watching you steer awake makes everything explode inside my body. I'm a middle aged man feeling goosebumps everywhere. _

_I'm happy._

"Hey," she smiled, opening her eyes.

"You make me happy," he blurted out.

"Good morning to you too," she quipped, snuggling closer to him. "What was that for?"

He kissed her lips slowly, parting them to demand safe passage for his tongue. She moaned into his uncalled-for and yet tender intrusion, not really trying to object.

He moaned back, putting an end to the kiss. He wrinkled his nose before holding it.

"Morning breath alert," he joked.

She elbowed him before retorting: "Fine, I'm going to brush my teeth."

"No, wait!"

She got out of bed quickly, swaying her bare butt provocatively.

"I won't ever go full-on-secretary down on you. Ever again," she huffed.

"Oh come on, Donna…" he said, rushing after her. He grabbed by the waist and added: "I was going to say I should return the favor."

He kissed the crook of her neck and she wanted nothing but to stop talking. The need to know after so many years of denial had gotten the best of her she'd realized. The omniscient Donna was barely a shadow of her former self in his arms.

"How do I make you happy, Harvey?" she asked barely above a whisper, looking at the way his hands stroked the spot right under her navel.

"Hmm…" He pretended to ponder before teasing her some more. "Now on I get to brush my teeth with you every morning?"

"And?" she pressed, turning around to face him.

He slowly took her in his arms, lifted her the way he had the night before, his left arm under her shoulders and his right hand between her legs. Her last question seemed out of focus, almost distant and similar to the way her body and feet felt. Groundless. She lifted her chin mechanically as he kissed her throat, closing her eyes when she felt him press his thumb on top of her pubis.

The next thing she knew, she was back on the bed. She shrieked when her back hit the mattress.

"You want to know…" His words ended on her lips as he pressed them against hers again. She felt his descent – a trail of kisses that seemed to be checking every part of her – would have her unraveled fast.

"… just how happy you make me feel?" He finished, planting two final kisses on her inner thighs.

"Shut up, you got something else going on right now." She grabbed his hand and guided it to her breast before closing her eyes.

"Thought you wanted to know," he teased.

"I want you more." She arched her back, teasing back.

_Because of all the guys in the world, you've set me apart. You chose to give your entire self to me. You never left. And for a self-absorbed, cocky bastard like me, being with you means I've used up all my past lives and can't mess this one up. You've given me the greatest gift of all – a life with you. I could be a million miles away from you, I'd always wonder where you are if not with me, I'd crave for your lips, your touch… everything you. You've got me wrapped around your little finger in ways you could never imagine. I promise you, I'll spend every day trying to show you the extent and truth of those ways. _

His answer never made it past his tongue as he got comfortable between her legs; saving it all up for the rest of their life together.

_You're right Donna. The only thing I ever had to get going was you._

* * *

One morning afterglow and a sneaky rush to the bathroom to get cleaned up later, Donna and Harvey joined his family for some coffee. It was too late for breakfast.

"I was wondering when you'd finally be joining us," Lily teased handing Donna a cup of coffee.

Donna couldn't prevent her cheeks from turning pink witnessing the knowing look Lily sent her. Harvey didn't seem oblivious but chose not to answer and kiss his mother on the cheek instead.

"Where's Bobby?" Harvey asked.

"In the garden, setting up some tables with Marcus," Lily replied, making herself some tea.

"I've been thinking, Mom," Harvey began sipping on his own cup.

"Have you, really?" Lily smirked.

Donna eyed him suspiciously.

"Marcus needs –"

"– a change of scenery?" Lily finished for him.

"To talk to Katie," he countered.

"What Marcus needs is his brother's help in the garden and… a soundproof bedroom," Marcus cut in as he joined them in the kitchen, sweating.

"Oh God," Donna muttered at the realization.

"Don't worry Donna, Harvey's the loudest," he continued, drinking some water from the tap.

Donna could tell Marcus's boyish grin pleased Harvey.

"As I recall you used to be louder when… oh wait, wasn't it back at Lexington High when you were with that hot brunette…," Harvey paused before adding. "What was her name again?"

"Stop it," Marcus warned him. "She's about to come through that door with my kids any minute now."

"Shouldn't you be saying 'our kids'," Harvey interjected.

"Drop it, Harvey." Marcus seemed final as he walked out of the kitchen. Harvey rolled his eyes and followed after him.

After a small awkward pause, Donna tentatively stated: "I didn't know Marcus and Katie had been together since High School."

Lily nodded sadly. "They were such a cute couple. Harvey was rarely home but every weekend, he'd come home and well – boys will be boys."

"Bantering," Donna smiled.

"All the time."

"I'm sure Harvey must have brought more than one girlfriend home." Donna quirked an eyebrow, expecting a positive answer.

"He never has," Lily stated. "You're the first."

"You're kidding." Donna was dumbfounded to say the least.

"I kid you not my dear," Lily inhaled sharply. "My forty-five year old son has been keeping me in the dark about his love life. You and the woman he was with before you – Paula – are the only ones I've ever met."

Donna gulped at the mention of Paula.

_It's going to hurt for a bit of time. Paula wasn't Scottie and she got to meet your mother. I can't help it. I was – am – jealous. A feeling of betrayal I can't shake off. She knew how I felt about you and didn't even think to help us. I know she helped you through a lot and yet I – having always known this more existed between us – I just can't forgive her. Have I forgiven you for delaying the inevitable? That's a good question. _

_I'm trembling, feeling like my breathing is about to break. _

"I know he went to prom though thanks to Marcus."

Donna smiled at the thought of Harvey dancing with his date, being affectionate to one of his very first crushes. She knew she was transferring for she remembered her own prom date fondly.

"I thought he was gay for a while." Lily seemed genuinely honest.

Donna chuckled. "Well, I thought his womanizer-tendencies were just a front for a while too; or maybe I was just trying to convince myself."

"What do you mean?" Lily pressed.

"Nothing." Donna shook her head and looked away. "I've known him for thirteen years Lily. Worked for him. I _had to_ know everything about him."

The actress she was knew her physical expression didn't felt disorganized, uncontained. And trying to downplay her words and that very telling auxiliary verb wouldn't work with the woman in front of her. But the many years she'd spent working for and with him were still fucking with her head despite the last couple of days.

_I'm going to regret saying this. _

"But no, despite my male on male fantasies, Harvey's never been with a man."

"You'd been with him before, hadn't you?" Lily shrugged off what she deemed an unnecessary confirmation.

"Before…" Donna asked, stalling.

"Maybe before you started working for him?"

_To hell with my insecurities. This woman just wants to know my story with her son. _

The red head sighed and smiled, eyes less anxious than they were a minute ago. "Do you have a box of tissues for this?"

Donna stood up and saw a box on top of the fridge. She went to pick it up and sat back down across Harvey's mother.

"You seem like a grounded and clear-headed woman, dear. I'm sure you won't need any," Lily reassured her, placing the palm of her hand in the red head's.

"They're for you."

"Oh…"

"It happened a year after we started working together," Donna began. "He was flirting with me every day – and even though he was dating other women – I couldn't stop flirting back. I didn't even hate myself for that. I'm the one who'd approached him a year earlier. And as much as I tried to convince myself I only wanted to work for him, I knew it was a lie. I had professional goals but underneath it all, he was a man and I, a woman and God, he was – I was in awe of him."

"He must have been struck by your beauty too." Lily's wrinkled eyes were smiling for the both of them.

"Never stopped me from trying to look my best," Donna acknowledged – blushing.

"I don't think you ever had to try," Lily threw in.

"Still, he enjoyed putting me on display. I should have been offended at that but I was just a legal secretary and this hot shot lawyer everyone was talking about chose me. I had no idea what I was doing."

"But you caught his eye anyway," Lily cut in.

"I certainly didn't know I was getting myself into the most profound and yet blurred relationship of my life."

"Do you think he chose you because of your looks?"

This entire conversation felt like a therapy session. Lily's last question caught her off guard.

"Do you think I threw myself at him because of his?"

"I'm not in your head Donna – nor am I in his."

"He's more than just handsome and charming, Lily. And I said everything my younger self could say not to pass off as just another pretty face," Donna paused to catch her breath. She knew she wasn't as composed as she had been with her friends when talking about Harvey. This woman – right across from her though, was the only other woman in his life. It meant something.

"I've only known you less than a day, Donna and I can tell you're not just that. He saw it too, trust me." Lily was adamant.

"Oh, I know. It took him 15 seconds," Donna quipped, shrugging.

"If marriage and then mistakes have taught me anything, Donna, it's that it's impossible to walk away from something two people want."

"Unless you have a rule," Donna let out.

"Let me guess, it was you."

"It was. I told him I wasn't interested that way. But like I said, it didn't stop either of us from showing that kind of interest towards one another," Donna licked her lips. "But I had this rule that I would never sleep with men I was working with."

"Rules are always meant to be broken," Lily smirked.

"So it happened when he and I quit the DA's office. But the next morning he called me and asked me to come and work for him again at Pearson Hardman. Let's just say, it wasn't what I was expecting."

"Idiot," Lily let out.

"He wasn't. And besides –"

"Besides?"

"I'm pretty sure he wanted to say something else that day. I just never gave him any opening because no matter how he made me feel when he said he didn't want to lose me, he hurt me."

"Donna, you told me you were glad things turned out the way they did last night. You can't possibly think my unwilling interference helped your relationship." Lily's voice was breaking. "Harvey would have come around sooner hadn't I –"

"He just asked a simple question. If one of us is an idiot, it's me because I agreed to work for him again and told him to forget about that night."

"No you weren't. You were in love with him already" The older woman stated before questioning herself, hoping she was right: "weren't you?"

Donna closed her eyes before saying her next words. "I didn't need to sleep with him to know how I felt about him."

"I have so many questions for him now. I'm probably never gonna get any answers from him but…" Lily's eyes turned red, "hand me a tissue, will you?"

Donna handed the box to Lily and swallowed back the very communicative invisible tears she knew were bubbling under the older woman's eyelids.

"I don't regret breaking that rule now, you know?"

"But you have in the past." Lily blew her nose into a tissue before adding. "Why?"

"Besides the obvious?"

"Yes, besides the fact that you had more than just feelings for each other."

Donna held her breath and then narrowed her eyes, cursing herself for giving the elder Specter many openings. "You really know when and where to press, don't you."

_Who am I kidding? I knew it was going to go there. _

"Years of therapy, my dear."

"He and I are so similar and yet so complementary that I felt like my life was at a standstill. I tried to move on. I dated; I got hurt some more, beat myself up many times because I hated prioritizing someone else over him."

"I'm sure he felt the same way, Donna."

"That's the thing. No matter what he says," she practically cried out. "I don't think he did, otherwise –"

"Don't think he did what?" Harvey's voice interrupted their private conversation.

Donna's face went blank. She rose up from her chair and took a deep breath before turning on her heels to face him. "Louis! He didn't know what he was getting himself into when he agreed to become managing partner," she lied.

"Right," he narrowed his eyes at hers, noticing how reddish they looked.

She walked up to him and asked, practically beaming "Do you need any help outside?"

"Bobby, Marcus and I set up the barbecue and we –"

"Is Marcus feeling better?" Donna asked too quickly for her own taste.

"Hm… yeah, Bobby put me to work so, the conversation I had planned was cut short," he glanced at his mother who was then sorting out utensils.

Donna suddenly kissed him on the cheek which instinctively led him to place a hand on the small of her back. He felt her shiver at his touch.

"Are you okay?" he asked, the concern in his voice genuine.

"Yeah, I'm just a little cold. I'm gonna grab my cardigan upstairs. I'll be right back to help you."

"Okay," he said, rubbing her back protectively.

She walked away and he joined his mother by the sink.

"Can you dress the salads, honey?" Lily asked, busying herself with kitchen work.

"Sure," he said, hesitant.

"And then bring the meat to Bob –"

"Don't think he did what?"

Lily dropped her fork in the sink. There was no use in pretending with her son. He knew she knew their conversation had nothing to do with Louis.

"It's not my place to say, Harvey."

"I don't care," he retorted. "You better come clean now, Mom."

"Out of respect for her I can't," she stated, averting her eyes from his piercing stare.

"Fifteen minutes ago, she and I were on a high. Then you guys have a talk. And now," he licked his lips, softening his voice, "she's lying to me. I need to know what she said."

"I can tell you're mad, you know?"

"Of course, I'm mad. Something's wrong with her and I need an answer."

"Answer this then: when did you realize you loved her?"

"I don't – I –" He was at a loss for words, having not expected such a question.

"Because from what I gather, she knew seconds after meeting you."

"Did she say I hurt her?"

_Cause you hurt me too, Donna. And you know it. _

"Yes you hurt her Harvey!"

His mother's bold statement had him lose his balance slightly.

_I can feel my heart skipping beats. I know it to be true. I guess I didn't want to think about it anymore. But I can't go back and change what happened between us. Your heart is my home now, Donna. I was a boy with my mom. I was barely half a man without you. I am a man today. A man who hurt you. _

"But don't you get it? That's not what matters to her! She doesn't think you hurt the same way she did. And of course you probably didn't. But you have to tell her she didn't hurt for nothing."

"How do I do that?" he asked barely above a whisper.

"Is my son asking for my help?" Lily quipped, trying to lighten up the mood.

"She's the one I want to give my all to so yeah… _he_ is."

Lily cupped her son's face and said, "She's the window girl, isn't she?"

"How do you know about that?"

"You were a boy once Harvey. You drew, you wrote, you talked and I…"

"Invaded my privacy," he pursed his lips.

"Acted like a concerned mother whose child was going through a lot because of her in the first place," she corrected.

"I deserved a soundproof bedroom, you know," he digressed remembering their earlier conversation.

"Is she, Harvey?" She pressed, preventing him from wandering away more.

He nodded never averting his eyes. "Doesn't mean I knew right when I met her though."

"That's not what she's asking from you. She doesn't want lies."

"What if I can't give her what she wants?" The frailty of his voice flipped a switch inside of her.

"She stuck with you for thirteen years, I have faith this isn't going to change," Lily paused for a moment thinking her next words thoroughly. This was her son's life and she wanted nothing but to say the right thing. "Show her that nothing heals like time; like a lifetime with the one you love."

* * *

M&O

M&O

M&O

M&O

Hi guys, sorry for the long wait. I hope you like this chapter. I know I promised you the rest of "the day" with Marcus's birthday but I chose to upload this part because I took too long.

We got time till season 9. I'm going to try and update more quickly this time. But I want you to remember that I'll finish this story. Whatever it takes. **So please, feed me with reviews. That'll make me want to upload faster for sure.** ;)


	11. Chapter 11

**Million and one**

_A darvey fanfiction_

_(Again, this is unbeta-ed, you've been warned – sorry for the mistakes! I hope that story is still worth your time and you don't think it's too contrived. I've been busy with work but I promise you I'll upload next chapter very soon.)_

Part 10: Earthly needs

_I recall coming down at least fifteen minutes after the fact. I picked up my cardigan. Put it on and as I sat down, glued myself to that bed. Moving on is so damn hard. Forgetting is harder on the body and soul than forgiving. At least, that's what I realized staring at the door separating you from me. I knew you'd come up. _

_I heard your steps hitting the old wooden-floor of the corridor leading up to your room. Your gait is rational, practical and determined; so lawyer-like at that moment. Nothing went according to plan. You didn't enter the room and we didn't talk. Your hesitation – personified in that strong hand of yours gripping the handle and turning it slightly before stilling – granted me the peace and quiet I needed. I haven't been so thankful for your indecision in days. That's what feeling connected to someone – to fall in the throes of passion, honesty and commitment so quickly after such a long time without it does. _

_I barely have time to look at you as I walk down the stairs and see two beautiful children run up to you. Watching you pull them both in a tight embrace does something to my heart. I've always assumed you loved children but I had no idea just how much. Those kids were glancing between your neck and I as you whispered things to them. You stood up and kissed Katie quickly on the cheek before you pressed yourself back against the rail. _

_You had to show me just how aware you were of me. Your arms are crossed and yet, the greatest punch in my guts are your eyes – always so brown, full of love with a hint of anger and that kind of desperation I want to erase. And they are so goddamn fixed on me. The glimmer in your eyes of this morning and those two wrinkles near their corners when you smile are the only kind of memory I wish I could hang on to. I'm leaving you hanging as your mother introduces me to Katie and the kids. Alleviate your stare, Harvey. It's too heavy for me, too puzzling for Katie and the little girl and boy giving me hugs I don't think I deserve. Your niece and nephew are asking for their father and it takes you a moment to land back on your feet. _

"Yes, where's Marcus?" Katie asked.

"He's in the backyard with Bobby." Harvey uncrossed his arms and ushered the kids outside to see their dad.

Katie handed Lily a bag of supplies and started up a conversation.

"I'm sorry I couldn't bring Nathan and Olivia sooner but we got stuck in traffic."

"It's okay Katie, you don't have to explain. You're here, that's the only thing that matters."

"I shouldn't be, Lily and you know it," Katie explained, glancing briefly at Donna.

_I understand she's drawing a line with her husband. Is this what I'm doing with you? I'm feeling so out of my element. I can't believe only twenty minutes ago Lily and I were discussing some of the most intimate aspects of my life. Things I thought were positive. _

_So why does it feel like I'm running away? No one should have to run. Nothing's clear in the rearview mirror that is my brain. _

"Marcus will be happy to see you." Donna realized she should have shut her mouth the second she uttered the name.

"I'm not so sure." Donna could sense hesitation in Katie's words. The brunette started to head in the direction of the garden and added before walking past Donna, "you seem like a great woman from everything I've heard and it saddens me that a week from now the idea of you and I being sort of sister-in-law will be off the table."

"What makes you think Harvey and I are a sure thing?" Donna asked, surprised at the woman's words.

"Just some joke he told Nathan and Olivia a couple of years ago." Katie was creating suspense.

To Donna's dismay, the other woman lifted that weight quickly.

"They asked him if he had a wife and he said: 'I don't need a wife, I have Donna."

* * *

_That barbecue grill is going to kill someone someday. I've been so focused on checking Marcus's reaction to seeing his kids that I almost burnt myself firing it up. I sigh as I watch him run after them. He's so happy when they're around. It's killing me that I can't do anything about everything else that's tormenting him right now._

_The moment I see you and Katie join us, I realize I have my own demons to take care of. Your office strut is gone, having been replaced with a cowgirl sort of walk. And look. There's some tightness in my throat as I can't help but ogle you. That long sleeve shirt with the top three buttons down – God, I need to take my time ripping off of you. Those suede beige ankle booties and jeans hug your calves to perfection. You're in my head, always. I want my hands on your legs. I want to run them up your thighs and settle on your waist. _

_I exhale and you blush. __It's our new normal, I guess.__ You're tilting your head to the side. I'm always calling out your name even when I'm not saying anything. Silence is not so much distance put between as it is confusion. I sense you understand my stare has switched from hurt and full of questions to lustful. That's just my physical reaction to you – to your beauty. But what I want most Donna is my eyes and ears in your headspace. _

_Seems like I'll have to settle for my brother's for now. _

"Katie," Marcus let out formally and yet with just a hint of nostalgia seeing his soon-to-be ex-wife.

"Marcus," she mimicked.

_Two seconds… Five seconds – and another ten were spent saying absolutely nothing. They were uncommunicative but their stares seemed to involve a lot of sharing. Are these two even on speaking terms at this point? I sigh and suggest we get to birthday business. _

Marcus walked past his wife almost bumping his shoulder against Katie's.

Donna sighed seeing Katie's face fall and asked, uneasy. "What do you want us to do?"

Harvey squeezed Katie's hand in reassurance. The gesture not only warmed the brunette's heart but Donna's too. "Fix yourselves a drink, we got this."

* * *

Donna and Katie inevitably went back inside and spent the better part of the next hour welcoming family and friends as well as helping out Lily and Bobbie in the kitchen. At least thirty people were invited. It was quite the gathering. Donna assumed most of the men were old high school friends of Marcus. Some were Harvey's friends. Most of them had married very young and their kids were older than Marcus's. Lily had introduced Donna as Harvey's girlfriend. She wouldn't have minded hadn't the older woman practically suggested they were practically engaged explaining that they'd known each other for thirteen plus years. Donna took a chance and told Lily that there was no need to be specific but Harvey's mother saw it differently.

"Some of them are recently divorced buddies of my boys, Donna. Trust me! You don't want to be bothered all day."

"I can deal with them, Lily," Donna assured her, walking back outside holding a tray.

"I'm not just talking about the men, honey." Lily paused, nodding in the direction of where Harvey was – serving hot dogs to some very attractive women. "They're recently divorced too."

"Wow, I guess life-long partnerships really are on the decline," Donna chuckled.

"Blame Marcus for inviting them," Lily concluded.

Donna prided herself in thinking she was always bothered by Harvey getting attention from other women but not jealous. And yet, the only reassuring thing about this whole situation was that he didn't seem interested in the least. He was focused on the task at hand as well as keeping Marcus' attention on the food that needed be served and not on the umpteenth beer being dangled in front of him.

The older couple had outdone themselves for Marcus. There were so many cakes, pies, canapés, sandwiches and pasta salads that they could feed a regiment. By early afternoon, Donna and Katie had barely eaten anything. Conversations had been struck up continuously. They'd both been hit on playfully a couple of times but nothing borderline intrusive. One of those conversations actually turned out to be a pleasant one. The instigator's name was James.

"So Lily says you're Harvey's girl," he began.

Donna arched an eyebrow. "I prefer the term woman considering my age but yes, I am."

"I'm James. Harvey and I were in High School together." He suddenly turned around and called out Harvey's name. "Hey buddy, do you mind if I ask your girl – sorry woman friend out tonight?"

Donna tilted her head to look at Harvey.

"Go ahead," he said, grilling some meat. "Just don't overthink it like you did with Stacey."

"Yeah, I got it asshole!"

"James!" Donna overheard Lily reprimand.

"Sorry, Mrs. Specter. Old habits die hard!" James waved at the older woman from afar before turning back to face Donna. "Well, I guess it means you and I can never become a thing."

"Oh and why is that?" Donna inquired playfully.

"I take it you've never heard of the Stacey incident."

"I haven't," she chuckled.

"I dated Stacey for a while but never even got to first base with her."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," she quipped.

"She just wouldn't have me. I didn't know this at the time but she was dating the both of us."

"Except she was sleeping with him."

"I never got the details and truthfully, I don't want them. But what I know is, I was the good one her parents could know about and he was…"

"The unpredictable bad boy?"

"I was going to say Harvey. Jock extraordinaire," he paused before adding, loudly. "So when I found out about them, I beat the crap out of him."

"I fought back," Harvey yelled.

"Damn that man's got super hearing," James rolled his eyes which made Donna laugh. "I thought he didn't value our friendship at all and that he was just another… well, you know but it turned out he had no idea she was seeing me."

"She'd been lying to the both of you."

"Yeah and that helped cement our friendship. Boy code and all that shit."

"Does that mean you're not going to try and hit on me?" She pushed.

"It means what he just said tells me he's got everything he wants."

"Why do you say that?"

"The man just handed you over to me on a silver platter. It means he trusts you implicitly. And that's code for 'she's the one'." James was beaming.

_This isn't new. Harvey's always been like this with me. When I was his secretary he would always leave that choice to me. Besides, even if you dudes go way back, I don't think you've seen a lot of him in years. _

His smile was a silent acknowledgement of his friend's happiness. "Hold on to him for me, will you?"

_Doesn't mean you aren't touching on something, James. _

"I got some experience doing that," she finished noticing Harvey's eyes piercing hers.

Katie was on her third mimosa and Donna on her second glass of wine by four o'clock. The old boys were playing an improvised game of baseball. Harvey and Marcus were on opposing teams. Some of the moms were playing too but it was mostly a man's game.

"Come on, Donna, join our team," Marcus had asked.

"Nah, I'd hate to help you win." she'd waggled her eyebrows at him.

"You should help Harvey then. He's going to need all the help he can get."

To her surprise, instead of taking a jab at his brother, Harvey walked up to her. It'd been hours since they were this close to each other.

"Hey," he said, circling her waist.

"Hey," she couldn't help but say back, resting her hands on his shoulder.

"Do you want to be on my team?" His tone was so soft she still wasn't used to expect it to be so.

"You know damn well I can't play," she smirked.

"You know it doesn't matter if I lose, right?"

"Why? Because it's your brother's birthday?" She arched a brow.

"Because nothing can hurt me as long as I have you." His choice of word didn't go unnoticed. She gulped at it and the way his lips parted slightly to kiss her jawline, trailing them to her ear before saying: "We need to talk later, okay?" She nodded, blinking back tears at the weight of his plea as she felt his face settle in the crook of her neck.

She'd turned her head and noticed Katie had a saddened look in her eyes. She almost wanted to shove Harvey away out of female solidarity but let him disentangle himself from her slowly instead, offering him support with a smile before he'd walked back to the improvised and quite small diamond field they'd set up towards the far end of the garden.

Marcus had awkwardly gestured at Katie and had tentatively asked: "Do you want to –?"

"No, I'm good." Katie hadn't really given him any time to finish his question.

Awkward. Uncomfortable. Donna didn't really know how to look at the woman.

He'd nodded cryptically – almost in defeat when a petite blonde joined him by the pretend field.

"Hey teammate," she'd said. Very friendly. Too friendly.

Katie had scoffed and walked back to the booze table-slash-bar.

A divorcée, Donna figured. This was another chick flick and another High School reunion in the making. Only the students involved were now middle aged adults with baggage.

* * *

Katie seemed to be cheering for no one in particular – except maybe James who was pitching. Donna, on the other hand, was eyeing batter of the afternoon – Harvey. She was equally afraid of a strikeout and the perfect home run. Was that talk he'd be seeking later too much to bear? Especially when she didn't know how to deal with this hurt she'd poured out to Lily earlier?

Meanwhile Lily was insisting Harvey should be careful. She kept calling out his name and urging him to hit it low.

"Come on, Mom. Let him play. The only window he could break would be his anyway." Marcus, who was sitting on the pretend sidelines shouted, finishing off his beer. He'd kept his eyes on the game. But all Donna could notice at this moment was where the blonde from earlier was sitting: too close to him with a hand on his thigh. It didn't seem to bother him.

"Her name's Lauren. I think… I mean now know he's been seeing her." Katie's intervention had caught her off-guard.

"How do you know?"

"It was a couple of days ago. I was bringing the divorce papers over to his place and he was sweating, shirtless and his briefs were barely covering anything."

"That doesn't mean –" Donna didn't even know why she was trying to minimize something she would have figured out for herself had she been in this situation.

"There were drinks and a woman's bag on the table, Donna. I knew this was coming. I didn't think it would be this soon."

A woman knows, Donna thought. Unless they don't want to.

Donna nodded in sympathy before asking: "Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Did he know you were coming over with the divorce papers that day?"

"What are you trying to say?" Katie frowned, eyeing the red head next to her carefully.

"How drunk do you think he was?"

"I'm not about to defend nor accuse my ex-husband here, Donna. He's a fucking grown man. If he wants to screw some former crush that's his choice."

"He's been drinking a lot. But you must know that."

"I'm the one who asked for a divorce."

"Then why look so sad?" Donna pushed.

"Guilty conscience?" Katie tried to shrug off.

"You didn't have to be here today. We could have kept an eye on your kids." Evasive but right on point. Donna hit a nerve.

"How do you think you'd react if the husband you've been in love with most of your adult life was officially cheating on you?" Katie challenged.

"Never married." She let out, watching Harvey again as he missed the ball.

"Okay… Allow me this tiny example then," she paused before stating: "Harvey's been with many women before you." Strike one.

Katie was certainly holding her own. Donna didn't really like where this was heading. Having a woman she was starting to consider her friend play on her own jealousy to avoid touchy answers wasn't part of the day she'd envisioned for herself. She didn't think it would be a smooth ride but she hadn't imagined the possibility of an attack on her. Katie was hurting – more than she was at the moment if she were reasonable.

No wrath would consume her. She would keep calm. "It's not the same, Katie. We weren't together."

"You probably told yourself you wanted him to be happy a hundred times. But did you really?" Strike two.

Some of the greatest home run hitters were notorious for striking out. Harvey was so focused she wanted to become that drop of sweat cooling his body temperature and stop thinking.

"Marcus wanted you. He still does. Harvey… he… didn't want to be with me." She reasoned.

"You think this man that I saw flirt with you some forty minutes ago never once thought about being with you?"

Harvey was preparing his swing. One wrong move and the power hitter she knew he could be would fail. She felt like a single hitter hitting for average. Wasn't she supposed to be a power hitter too?

"_Just because… It doesn't mean" was replaying in her head like a scratched, definitely worn out vinyl._

"Trust me, he didn't." She paused, heaving a sigh. "But just because I couldn't be happy didn't mean I didn't want him to be."

"He should have known what he wanted sooner that's it!" Katie practically shouted.

_Are you still talking about me and Harvey? _

"He doesn't seem like the type of man who would ever let you go anyway." Katie sighed, just as worn out as that vinyl in Donna's head it seemed.

Harvey hit that third ball hard.

It went so high up, spinning on its axis faster than the beating hearts of that uncountable number of women before her.

She could almost hear it rustling against the trees, going far into the woods – it was louder than the crowd's cheers and all the things Katie could say to her. She set her eyes back on him and she realized he'd been watching her staring at that disappearing ball.

"You're right. He chose me," Donna's own words echoed in her brain like a light switch illuminating a dark room all too brightly. "Harvey wants me."

"Are you saying I should be happy for Marcus even if he doesn't want me anymore?"

Bobby was warning the kids not to go look too far into the woods for the ball, suggesting they stay in pairs.

She watched Harvey jog the small distance between each base with a child-like expression plastered all over his face – taunting his friends and then smiling at her some more.

"I'm saying don't quit fighting for whatever it is that you want. Even if it means your pride takes a huge hit."

Donna turned her attention back to Harvey and saw him stop dead on his tracks before he could complete his home run; his brother and Lauren were kissing.

* * *

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Harvey stopped dead on his track.

His brother broke the kiss and looked up at his brother. "Not here, Harvey. Not in front of everyone."

"And kissing _her_… in front of your own kids is better? In front of your wife?" Harvey shouted, gesturing at Donna and Katie. This wasn't a threat, this wasn't personal anymore. To Harvey, this was an attack on what he held dear: his brother's family.

"Lauren? Really? So this is how you're "managing" huh? By screwing over your wife whom only yesterday you claimed was still your everything?"

"Harvey this isn't really what you think I –" Marcus tried to protest but Lauren cut him off.

"How isn't it what he thinks?" Lauren scolded him.

"Lauren you stay out of it," Harvey warned her.

"No you are going to complete that run of yours Harvey and stay the fuck out of our lives." Lauren took Marcus's hand and led him back to where some of his best friends were.

Harvey turned around to look at Katie and Donna. He looked disorientated.

"One thing I forgot to mention about Lauren, Donna," Katie began, not taking her eyes off Harvey.

Donna wasn't sure she wanted to know. The hurt in Harvey's eyes only expressed humiliation. The extent of it she couldn't fathom until Katie's confirmation. "Harvey went out with her too."

He was about to walk out of the pretend field to finish that conversation with his brother but his mother had begun following him close on his heels.

"Harvey!" She called after him.

"Not now Mom," he sighed, turning around to face her.

"Don't you dare make a scene again. This is your brother's birthday and if you don't stop this right now, I'll ask the boys here to throw you out without a minute's thought."

"Right… cheaters get a free pass in this house, don't they?"

"I know you're angry Harvey so I'll let this one slide. But think about Katie here," she paused to look at the kids who were running back to them. "And the kids."

"Uncle Harv', Ucl Harvey!" They all chanted out of breath. "We found the ball!"

He closed his eyes briefly before squatting down to thank them. "Hey… thanks you guys. Bring it to Tony so the Blue team gets the win."

"But that means you lose, Ucle Harbey," little Olivia said.

Harvey held their tiny gazes with his own trying not to yield, feeling the kind of salty water that had nothing to do with sweat rise up in his eyes. He looked up at his mother and added. "I won't complete my run. Too tired."

"Are you okay, Harvey?" Nathan asked. "Want me to go get Dad?"

_They didn't see Marcus and Lauren. Thank God for that home run. _

"Nah, I'm good. It's just my legs aren't what they used to be," he licked his lips before adding: "now go."

This left the older boy unconvinced considering the size of the improvised baseball field but they nodded and started running where Tony, James and the rest of the teams were.

"Thank you, Harvey," Lily said.

"I'm mad at him Mom. So, this isn't over." He walked past his mother abruptly and walked up to Donna and Katie.

"Did you know?" Harvey asked Katie.

"I didn't know who it was."

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Harvey pressed.

"In case you haven't noticed Harvey, he and I aren't together anymore…"

Something got stuck in his throat. A realization possibly; a broken up family he felt powerless over. "I know… I'm… Katie, he isn't thinking straight." He said more softly.

"Jeez… just mind your own business, Harvey," Katie let out, putting an end to the conversation before heading to where her kids were.

Donna who'd remained silent during that exchange didn't really know on which foot to stand. She waited for him to say something but he didn't. Instead he grabbed her hand, silently inviting her to walk with him with a head tilt.

The weather was cloudy. It had been for most part of the afternoon. He'd kept on chasing the moment he would lash out at his brother for being so stupid. Only he just hadn't realized how messy his brother's life really was. The drinking now seemed like the least of his worries. Harvey found a quiet spot by the front of the house. Not the most romantic of places. But the garden was still crowded with people and he needed to clear his head.

_Who's Lauren?_ Was the question that wouldn't leave her lips. But she trusted him enough to tell her of his own accord.

"Look, I know this isn't how I wanted to – actually, I don't know where to begin," he admitted never letting go of her hand.

"Maybe now's the time to say anything," Donna indulged him.

"Makes us a pretty boring couple if we don't," he pursed his lips. He pretended to muse over his next words. "What could we do that doesn't involve talking?"

"Harvey…" she rolled her eyes as he pulled her into a hug. Donna instinctively rubbed his back.

"Don't pull away. This feels too good," he practically pleaded. The hint of a smirk against her neck told her his intentions were undecided.

"You know I couldn't even if I wanted to," she sighed before breathing in his scent; remnants of cologne and sweat comforting her that she was just right where she was supposed to be.

"It happened when I was in college. I went out with Lauren a couple of times when I was home. It was a long time –"

"Harvey I know your track record when it comes to celibacy isn't too good. You don't owe me anything," she said, disentangling herself slightly to look at him.

"I need you to know the facts." Sincerity didn't make him look weak. But it did in fact trouble her. "I got mad because… not only is he doing this to Katie, but also because Lauren isn't the good kind of rebound."

It picked her interest despite her brain telling her to keep her mouth shut. "How so?"

"Knowing her, she wants something. And it can't be good."

"What did she do to you?" She asked, cupping his cheek and noticed how he averted his gaze, tilting his head back to stare at everything but her. She rephrased, understanding the implication behind the wrinkles forming around his eyes: "what did you do to her?"

He dared look into her eyes again: "You know me, Donna. I get away with everything." She could feel monochromatic colors starting to rain down on them. That cloudy day was turning into a bookworm's worst nightmare: the falling action or a part of a story that didn't bode well for a man's character. The reader will either stop at nothing to see how it follows through or stop reading altogether. Donna didn't have a part in this story, no lines to learn but she had to read it anyway.

"You know how most couples say they want to know how many people their significant other's slept with in the past even though they absolutely don't want to? This is one of those times."

He led her under the porch to get out of the rain. "I care about how many men you've been with all the time, Donna. Sometimes I wish I could erase them from your life. You know, I want to be the only one that matters to you. I know it's selfish and yes, I'm probably always going to be jealous of them but –"

"You want to say what you know I want to hear," she sighed. "Don't do that now. Besides it's got nothing to do with what you were going to say about her."

_You're right, Donna. Maybe I want to have both those conversations now. Maybe I'm diluting them into one and the same to soften the blow. Maybe I'm an asshole who truly wants to get away with everything all the time. _

"It has everything to do with, Donna." He held her tighter. "I loved you more than I let on. All those years… I know you knew."

"Not in the way I wanted you to," she sighed, placing her hand on his chest, trying to distance herself from the very heat that kept pulling her towards him.

"Did I ever make you a promise that I couldn't keep or at least made up for the fact that I had been a complete asshole?" He asked out the blue.

She was trying to think about it and even if she could think of something, he had her. Whatever the shit he'd pulled, she trusted him to always do right by her.

Her lack of words told him he should keep explaining himself. "I promised her a lot of things just to have her. I kept leading her on. And at some point I just stopped calling. I was away and she turned out to be one of many. And I wanted that love, that attention. I craved it. But I stopped promising what I couldn't give." He breathed in sharply, and added wonderingly as he lifted a hand to sift his fingers through her hair, trailing his fingertips along her jaw and over her throat. "It was never meant for any of them."

"And you think her dating Marcus is payback?" Donna asked, trying not to focus on the last part of his speech.

_You're a better man than you give yourself credit for, Harvey. I never expected you to be perfect._

He let his hands drift over her shoulder and brought his face closer to her collarbone. She wrapped her arms around his neck in a loose embrace and as if on instinct, rubbed her knee up the inside of his leg. "It hurts, Donna."

"What?" She hissed in a breath. Everything had shifted. Their prior conversation erased by a suckling kiss that arced straight to her center.

_Why would I want all that pain now… _

"Every time I kiss you…" He took that pause to catch her earlobe between his lips, sucking gently. "Your skin is so soft."

She curled her hands around his shoulders and caught a glimpse of his brown eyes glimmering before he inched his head back in the crook of her neck to kiss her some more. The taste of her was more important to him than the idea of devouring her.

"So soft and everything I want," he murmured at her collarbone.

Her moan of approval vibrated through him.

"It hurts to know I hurt you because I wasn't ready."

_Maybe I'll never know what you mean by that but for now, all I want is you. Holding me like this, kissing me like that. _

_Feeling your hands shaking and your grief fighting its way out of your body and soul, I'm reminded of why all my love was meant for you too. _

_A storm may be upon us but you got me out of the rain on time. That's your love pouring right through me, Harvey, and I won't let it hurt you. _

_Because nothing can hurt me as long as I have you._

* * *

M&O

M&O

M&O

M&O

Don't hesitate to leave me a review if you're still enjoying this story. That's what keeps me writing really. I can't say I'm too proud of my writing here but I'm trying and I want to continue for you darvey buddies.  
Thx to Blue for her support and for reminding me that I'm not paid to do this. Like or don't. I don't owe anything to anyone, only to myself to write the best possible thing within my current state of mind, busy life etc. I'm only writing to escape, to get to be in a different stratum for a moment and have you guys follow me on that journey.

Yours,

B.


	12. Chapter 12

**Million and one**

_A darvey fanfiction_

(This one was beta-ed by an anonymous Blue source)

Part 11: Sensorial roadmap

_Feral feelings always sway inside with us. It's a connection; something that is just a part of what makes us. I lead you back inside and realize there's no one in sight. I suggest you lie down for a second and you comply. I offer to get you some water but you grasp my hand and forbid me from going. You make me straddle your lap and I pretend I'm not interested for a moment. I pester and yet can't stop yourself from placing your hands under the hem of my shirt. The way you slowly run them on my back and up to rub my shoulders is make my skin crawl. I have a hard time stopping you from exposing us to public display of affection. 'Public' because despite the fact that we're alone in the living room, anyone could catch us. The rain's pouring so loud I wonder why none of the guests are back inside._

_And then as if you understand the puzzled look on my face, you say: _"Relax… Knowing Mom, they're all in the garage."

"Can you really fit 50 people in that garage?"

"No," _you admit with the most beautiful smirk. We both know what it means. It's only a matter of time before everyone else is back inside._

_I notice that tired look on your face. That game beat you, Harvey. I'd rather think that than it being the result of what happened with your brother, the Lauren thing and us. I run my hand through your tousled hair, letting you know I'll stay with you for as long as you need me. You tilt your head and arch your back slightly at the touch as I'm massaging your scalp._

"You got thick hair. I like it." _I flirt. _

"Your hair though… It's something else. I've always –" _you sigh and the rest of your sentence stays on your lips. I feel like you're slipping away. Whatever it is you wanted to say about my hair was charged. I decide not to push._

_The moment you close your eyes, I can feel the intensity people see in us. Your hands are now resting on my waist and all I want is for you to recuperate. I want you to let appeasement set in because I know what's brooding. We both do. Marcus isn't out of the woods yet. You'll want to knock some sense into him later. I won't be able to stop you. But that electricity coursing through our touch tells me I have absolute intimate control over you. Could Lauren do that to you? Could Scottie? Paula? I bend a little to kiss your forehead and eventually cup your face. You pull me closer instinctively even if I can tell you're dozing off. You make me feel sexy and the tiniest bit horny but I can't lose control now of all places. I gently press my lips against yours, hover for a moment. I exhale a thousand wishes as I climb off you and then lie down next to you and you start crawling up to me. You can't help it, can you? You got that flirty look in your eyes that say you would do a lot more if you weren't so sleepy. You kiss that sensitive spot on my collarbone before settling the back of your head against my lap._

"_Ten seconds ago you were about to pass out and now you're…" I bit my lip._

"_Oh I'm beat but that doesn't mean..." You say with that sheepish look on your face._

"_Cocky," I challenge._

_You lift up the front of my shirt and press a tender kiss near my navel, lingering long enough to make me want more. But it's also tender in a way that grips my guts as if you were saying something else entirely._

_And then, it's just like you to say something that brings me back to another moment. "I promise you I'll never run out of ways to show you I love you, Donna." And it shatters me into a million pieces because it ain't that simple. Just because two people want to be together doesn't mean they'll survive life. Together or apart. And it's that leap of faith I have issues with. Put yourself in my shoes Harvey. They're just as tiny as my lungs – which I know are tinier than yours. You're breathing for two; pumping for what only a few days ago was still a shrinking heart._

_Was I ever ready for that heart of yours?_

* * *

Some ten minutes passed before a little chestnut head climbed on the couch sneakily and sat right next to Harvey's head.

"Hey Olivia," Donna said in a low voice with her hand still cupping Harvey's head. The 6-foot-tall man was sound asleep with his face turned towards her belly, his left arm circling the small of her back.

"Does it tickle?" Olivia asked.

"His snoring?" Donna chuckled.

The little girl nodded yes.

"No…" She smiled. "But it's annoying."

The little girl started to giggle and Donna joined in while trying to shush her.

"Can I stay with you and Ucle Harbey tonight?" The little girl asked shyly.

It troubled Donna but she knew she had to tread lightly. "Sure, honey but why. Don't you want to be with your parents?"

"Because you look happy," Olivia shrugged. "Mom and Dad aren't."

"No they aren't happy right now." There was no point in lying to a little girl. "But I know something you don't."

"What?" It brightened up the girl's mood instantly.

"Okay, so what do you do when you're not happy?" Donna asked.

"I ask for a hug or sweets."

"Do you think your parents would like that?"

Something seemed to click inside Olivia's head. "Does Ucle Harbey like hugs and sweets?"

"Uncle Harvey likes whisky and se–" Harvey uttered stirring up, mouth dry but Donna placed her hand on his mouth to cut his message short. Not-safe-for-kids talk and household incident averted.

"He does, Olivia and I think you should give your parents just that. It'll warm their hearts, I'm sure." Donna smiled.

"But I don't have any sweets." Olivia pouted.

"Shhhh." Harvey shoved Donna's hand away and used the long drawn out sound to make it a point he didn't want to leave dreamland.

"Okay, if you can give me two minutes with Grumpy here," she said, enjoying Olivia's giggles before adding: "I'll go fetch some sweets or cookies with you in the kitchen. So go get your brother and then come back here."

"Thank you, Au't Donna!" Olivia jumped off the couch and started to run back to where she came from.

Harvey's eyes flashed open at Olivia's last words. "Did she just call you aunt?"

"I wonder who told her to do that."

A hint of a smile formed on Harvey's lips. "Oh, I know who."

"Well, you're Ucle to her and I'm queen to you so…"

"Oh, is that so?" He challenged, sitting up straight.

"Hm, hm, it is," she bit her bottom lip. "Did you sleep well?"

"Strawberries and whipped cream," he blurted, resting his left elbow on the family couch.

"What?"

"Is what I should have said to Olivia." He kissed her lips before continuing. "Had I known it was her you were talking to of course."

"I'm not so sure that would have been better." Her brow furrowed and she straightened.

"Probably not," he winked.

"She broke my heart, Harvey. She's feeling sad. And I suspect Nathan is too."

"I tried my best, Donna. Shared custody is all I could get." Harvey rubbed his neck. "They're not getting back together."

Donna straightened her shirt. "I think Katie regrets her decision."

"You think or do you _know_?"

"Fine, I know so." Donna stood up, taking a step forward.

"Donna that's fantastic!" Harvey was ecstatic. "We have to tell them."

She fidgeted with the button of her cardigan. "Just because you love someone doesn't mean you can make it work."

"The hell you can!" Harvey rose up from the couch.

Donna stepped back. She knew his outburst wasn't aimed at her but it still felt like he was attacking her.

"What about Lauren then?" Donna asked.

Harvey reached for her and said, "It didn't mean anything. She…" Wrong tense. Wrong pairing.

"It _didn't_ –"

"Slip of the tongue," he shrugged it off. "You know damn well what I meant so don't try to turn this around."

Donna stood proudly and crossed her arms. "Maybe Lauren's the one you need to have a chat with."

"Can we focus on one conversation here?" Harvey asked, pissed.

"This is one conversation," she sighed. "You need to make things right with your brother. You need to deal with the fact that he's seeing Lauren and…"

"And what? I told you what happened between us. I was a dick to her; plain and simple," he explained.

"You said it yourself Harvey, you have issues with the fact that I had a life before you, well allow me some of this too."

"There's no reason for you to feel this way about Lauren," he assured her.

"Let me put this in words you'll get. _I_ have the right to be jealous too." It hurt her. _He_ could hurt her with his commanding heart as if he were a solo pilot ready to lock up his target. Deep down Donna knew he'd inadvertently triggered her decoys. Irrational depths were in flying in plain sight.

"My history with her has nothing to do with any of this," he argued.

"Actually, I don't know that... Words carry meaning, Harvey. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to help my pretend niece find some happiness of her own."

"So that's it," he said, frustration evident in his tone.

"You know damn well it wasn't your place to interfere when you saw them kiss. Your brother and Katie are separated. But you're you so…" She trailed off, sensing she was going too far.

"I'm me so…" He baited her.

"You get mad at something just to hide the fact that you're mad about something else entirely."

"Right and _you_ know everything," he scoffed.

"You know damn well it's not as easy as that," she started to walk away but turned around at the last second. She thought she was done talking after that. Screw this. "As a matter of fact, one of the reasons why I was never able to move on from you is because you brought me to a whole new level of uncertainty in many regards. And that was exciting and thrilling and it made me feel like I was special around you."

"It's because you are," he let out softly.

"But it doesn't mean I know how to deal with it!" She practically cried.

"So just like that we're back to you not trusting me? I told you I can't live this… _freaking_ life without you." His mouth hadn't been this dry in a while. He licked his lips to calm himself, carefully thinking his words through before adding: "I need you to trust me that we're different. I'm not living in some fantasy… I just know like _you_ know things that you and I are certain."

The two moving portraits' gazes were attempting to pierce each other's soul. Dragged by the undertow of words they realized they were drowning, caught in this idea that maybe their love for each other was too good for this treacherous world. "I trust you, Harvey. You know I do. But don't ask me not to feel like I can't sometimes. I'm not wired like that. No one in their right mind would be."

He closed his eyes for a moment as she stormed out of the room.

_Communication truly is a form of art neither you nor I master, Donna._

* * *

6PM. Marcus was drunk. And ready to head someplace else with his buddies. Harvey had stayed away from Donna. She needed some space. And if he were being honest with himself for a moment, he knew he needed to clear his head too. So he helped out Bobby and Lily by cleaning, clearing the tables in the garden away and taking out the trash. Donna had spent the last thirty minutes looking for sweets with Olivia and Nathan. The poor boy didn't really understand why it mattered so much to his sister but went along with their secret plan. She gave them instructions as to how to approach Katie and Marcus. It was about finding the right moment. Donna hoped there would be one. But first they had to find a container. And then they would be all set for that grand gesture to happen.

By the time most of the guests were leaving, except for Marcus's closest friends who'd promised to go celebrate someplace else, Harvey still hadn't shown his face. And Donna was starting to feel remorse for the way she'd baited him into that fight over her worst insecurities. She hated herself for being so vulnerable, so human. The badass woman she was – that force of nature she exulted 99 percent of the time in her self-worship was never made of walls when it came to him. It was made of glass; breakable.

Katie said goodbye to some of the guests. And as if not-being-on-speaking-terms had become the rule or a complete moot point, Donna realized Marcus was saying goodbye to the other half of each couple. Things were definitely not good. When the redhead overheard Marcus speak of the bar they would go to in honor of 'His Sweet Divorce', she turned to Katie. It pissed Donna off because if she could hear it, so could everyone. The way Katie was staring at her ex-husband laughing his head off, beer in hand with Lauren and the 'boys' told Donna the future divorcée was beyond enraged. She inevitably marched up onto him and whisked him away.

"Hey Kay, can't you see I was in the middle of a conversation?"

Donna and everyone else could hear Marcus. He was definitely too drunk not to be loud. But she didn't need to be a mind-reader to know what Katie would be telling him. The COO moved closer nevertheless.

"Marcus… haven't you had enough to drink?" She frowned, concern overwhelming her features.

"No and I think you should have some too but definitely not mine," he laughed it off.

Donna had lost sight of Nathan in the process.

"No you've had enough," she tried to take his beer but he wouldn't let her.

"Well I've had about enough of you today!" He was getting mad.

Donna realized then she couldn't see Olivia.

"Olivia?" Donna called out a couple of times.

"We barely even spoke to each other!" She derided louder.

"Have you seen Olivia?" Donna asked around. Most of the guests whose names she didn't even know didn't seem to care. The scene unfolding before them was more interesting than the whereabouts of a six-year-old. She hated herself the moment she stopped looking for the girl. She was drawn to their fight too, unable to look away.

"Well aren't you straight on point here!" He lashed out. His face had reddened. Bulging eyes staring at a life ruined.

"Don't do this, Marcus. Be a fucking grown-up for a moment."

"Be a fucking grown-up?" He rolled his eyes. "Well fuck you! First I'm a gambler therefore I'm a _shitty_ husband and then I'm a terrible father for using my kid _once_ to cover it and now you want me to act like a grown-up because I made _one_ mistake?" He pointed his index finger upward virulently.

Donna couldn't intervene.

"Fuck you and your pathetic excuse of "I made a mistake".

She was frozen on the spot at the harshness of it all.

"You didn't trust that I could win!"

This wasn't a conversation between two people who could patch things up.

"At a freaking game of chance, Marcus!"

This was a terrible ending. Harvey was wrong.

"You should have trusted that I could win it all back."

They needed to talk but there was no way in hell those two people could move past their anger.

"You played with fire and you lost. And yes, I can't trust you because you're reckless, Marcus!"

This was mutual destruction.

"You said it yourself, I'm a screw-up. So just get out of my way."

"No, Marcus," she stood up to him, feet firmly anchored.

Marcus grabbed her arm, cutting her off somehow; he moved his face closer to hers and lowered his voice. "Is this about Lauren?"

"It's about everything, Marcus."

"God you're ridiculous. This _is_ about her!"

"Yes, because I'm still your wife until you sign those damn papers and _that_ alone gives me the right to –"

"You lost that right when you and I stopped fu–"

Katie slapped Marcus in the face and Donna and the rest of the crowd practically gasped when the crudely indecent term turned insult disappeared with it. The younger brother instantly covered his face as his eyes were wide open for the first time in hours. Donna observed them attentively. He looked as if he'd seen a ghost: maybe his wife, calling him out on his bullshit, had brought him back to reality. Marcus was now a man in the flesh: stupefied and ashamed.

"What the hell's going on?" Harvey shouted, walking into the living room with Nathan at his side.

_So that's where he went. To get Harvey._

Silence. Faces were low. All semblance of communication gone. Bobby and Lily followed close behind, probably troubled by the shouting match or Harvey running up here.

Katie wiped her tears away and started walking away when Olivia came back into the room, holding a small candies-filled flower-girl kind of basket.

_No, no, no! Not now._

"Come on, Marcus. Let's go," Lauren began placing a hand on his arm but he shoved it away, too entranced by his baby girl.

"Daddy? Mommy? I got you some sweets."

Nathan took a step forward. "Olivia! Come back he –"

"Wait," Harvey stopped his nephew.

The six-year-old continued: "Au't Donna said I should give you some and then hug you to make you happy again."

"What…" Marcus gave Donna a sideways glance, flabbergasted. "Why would you say that, Livs?"

"Because you aren't happy anymore." Olivia looked at both her parents.

"Honey…" Katie was unable to finish her sentence, emotions following their regular pattern in such situations – taking over everything and leaving their physical source desperate for comfort: unable to give and yet in great need of receiving.

Marcus picked up his daughter and held onto her protectively as he would hold onto a lifeboat. His eyes were burning red as tears crippled his sight.

"Mom needs my hug too!" The little girl giggled happily.

Marcus looked straight into his wife's eyes and extended his hand as an olive branch for her. No dominance, no judgement. Just what they were both owed: a taste of the past.

Nathan joined them immediately.

Donna and Harvey, now more physically apart than they'd been in a long time, stared at the pair and their kids holding each other for what felt like the longest minute. Lily and Bobby ushered Lauren and the rest of the gang outside.

"Thank you, Olivia," Katie said barely above a whisper.

"I helped out too," Nathan asserted.

"Thanks buddy." Marcus scratched his son's head with an appreciative smile on her face.

Engines started to roar. Flashlights hit through the curtains. They were leaving.

Harvey was focused on the couple before him. She noticed his Adam's apple bob before he mumbled something along the lines of 'screw this', picked up his car keys from the console table by the door and dashed out of the house.

"Harvey!" Marcus called after him, letting go of Katie. He put Olivia back on the floor and rushed outside only to find that Harvey ready to take Bobby's car.

"Harvey what do you think you're doing?"

Donna followed them outside barely reaching the threshold when she heard Harvey's voice.

"Just trust me," he said, getting in the car.

"I have to do it myself, Brother," Marcus pleaded for his brother to let him in the car.

"As long as you don't get in my way and let me do what I need to do," Harvey explained.

"Okay." Marcus nodded.

"Get in."

The flashlights at the front of the car had her caught like a deer in the headlights. She felt their entire exchange as if he were speaking to her and not Marcus. Always cryptic. It was so easy for her to trust he was going to do what she'd told him to. She wasn't so sure it was what she wanted him to do anymore.

Lily walked up to Donna and as if nothing had happened, said: "I have to make the kids dinner soon."

Katie joined them, hands hugging the basket full of sweets close to her chest. "Gran," she began, sniffling. "I guess you're right on time 'cause Olivia says it's been a long day and she wants to have dinner now."

"I've always thought I had the mind of a six-year-old. I have my priorities set," Lily chuckled.

"She must be really tired," Donna added.

"Take my car," Lily walked under the porch and signaled at both women. "The both of you."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Donna sighed.

"You," she said pointing at Donna, "I heard you two fighting earlier. You need to let him in on what's going on with you. Kiss and make up or whatever it is that you kids do these days." She then turned to Katie and added: "And you… you have to figure out how to make things right with Marcus. For your kids' sake."

They both tried to object but the Specter Mother begged them not to. Appealing to their senses as only a former loving wife, cheater and mother could.

"Please, I can't have my two boys feeling like their world's coming apart tonight."

* * *

"_You're driving," you said. It's completely dark outside. There are barely any cars around and I haven't felt this lonely in a while. Katie… why the silent treatment besides the directions I need to take? You didn't object to going. But why do I feel like this car ride is making you sick inside? Like something's about to end tonight?_

_A couple of minutes later at a stop sign, you finally decide to cut the bullshit._

"Why did you say that stuff to Olivia about sweets and hugs?"

Donna sighed, checking the crossroads. "Because Olivia asked to stay with me and Harvey for the night."

"Why?" Katie mused over.

"Left or right?" Donna sped up again.

"Left," the brunette said and asked again: "So?"

"Don't you know why by now?" Donna retorted.

"Olivia wants Marcus and me to be the same old us. That can't happen," she explained, sternly.

"That's not what she said. She said you weren't happy."

"We can't be happy, Donna. It's over."

Donna didn't hold back: "You know what I think? I think you two need closure. Whatever that means for the two of you. You need to define your relationship for your kids."

"That's the thing, Donna. I'll always love him and want to be with him but it's not working. Not right now. Maybe when –"

"You can't hope for maybe."

"You did with Harvey, didn't you?"

"No, Katie. I moved on. Or at least tried to but the man I was seeing said it wasn't our time. Maybe in the future… But now I know it wouldn't have been."

"Because of Harvey."

"It's because Harvey's all I have. You and Marcus may or may not work anymore but you have more than what Harvey and I have. You have kids; kids that need your attention and love. And they cannot have two parents hating each other because they can't come to terms with what each of them need."

"The bar's right after that alley," Katie pointed out.

"Okay," Donna said, ready to pull into the small parking lot.

Donna quickly parked the car and took a big breath. "Are you ready?"

"I don't know where to begin but yeah, I'm ready to talk to him."

"Okay." Donna shut the engine down.

"And you do the same." Katie unfastened her seatbelt.

Donna watched her passenger exit the car, subjugated by her determined gait. Donna rubbed her neck to ease the tension she'd been feeling because for the first time since her fight with Harvey she wasn't thinking about Katie and Marcus's future but hers.

* * *

The bar was a regular one with barely a crowd except for Marcus's friends. Shitty music and second class drinks would have to suffice while he waited. It was the kind of place Harvey never wanted to go back to. Besides the barmaid, there were no women around except for Lauren. The music was too loud. Too loud for him to hear what his brother was saying to Lauren. Harvey was gulping down his second scotch by the time Lauren had slapped Marcus in the face. Twice.

The blonde walked towards the lady's room, leaving Marcus alone. The younger brother was rubbing his cheek slowly to soften the pain as he headed to where Harvey was seated.

"It's over," Marcus explained.

"Good." Harvey nodded. "Still a shitty place by the way."

"Yeah, I didn't really think when I suggested we come here." Marcus seemed sufficiently angry with himself not to humiliate him further – even out of brotherly fun.

"Need a drink?" Harvey offered.

"No," he sighed. "I've managed to sober up a little. I'd like to keep it that way after what I said to Katie… I…"

"It's okay Marcus," Harvey began, scratching his stubble. "Whatever you told her –"

"I went too far, Harvey."

"Then when we go home, you tell her how much of a jerk you were and apologize."

"I'm such an idiot and I deserved to get slapped as many times as I was."

"Can't argue with that," Harvey said before noticing Katie entering the bar. "But no, Marcus. You're only a fool who's still in love with his wife."

Harvey set his glass on the counter, patted his brother's back and got off his stool.

"I don't think she's in a mood to hear whatever it is you want to say to her, Harv'," Marcus said, turning around to watch his brother heading for the bathroom.

"Not my fault you finally came to your senses and broke up with her," Harvey let out, loud enough and hoping Katie would hear.

"You really believe she dated me just to get back at you?" Marcus challenged slightly angry.

Harvey stopped dead in his tracks and turned on his heels to face Marcus again. "Some part of her did for sure."

"I'm just saying, she's probably bawling her eyes out in the bathroom. And she's definitely not looking forward to seeing you," Marcus warned him.

Harvey sighed. "I don't care." He walked backward slowly before turning around again and speaking over his shoulder: "I need to do this. For her and for me."

By doing so, Harvey missed the questioning look of the one person who'd come here looking for him.

* * *

_No one seems to stick around when I actually need them to. I actually have no idea what's going on. I saw you head into that bathroom. I guess I'll just wait until you come out._

_Katie's taking Marcus to a nearby booth. I should just leave them be. I notice James by the counter. He's waving at me._

"Hey Red," he said. "Care for a drink?"

"Whatever you're having." She didn't really care about the drink but she wouldn't mind the company. "I probably won't finish it, I have to get Lily's car home safely after all." She smiled at him.

"One more beer, please. But just so you know, she's not my girlfriend." He winked at the barmaid and then pointed at Donna.

The tattooed lady behind the counter shook her head. "In your dreams James."

"I haven't given up on us, Nelly!"

She laughed at his antics. "Then give up _now_."

"Never!" James practically shouted.

Nelly smirked.

"She _is_ interested," Donna whispered to him when the other woman went to get her order.

"Who wouldn't be?" James took a sip of his beer, proudly.

"Where's the rest of your little band by the way?" Donna asked, watching the barmaid working the beer tap.

James mused over the details to summarize for a moment, taking in his surroundings. "Most of them were around a minute ago. They're either taking a piss or in the back alley smoking and Lauren… well, Marcus just broke up with her so I guess she's somewhere walking off the news."

"On the house," Nelly said, placing Donna's beer on the counter before adding, "Just in case he'd try to make you pay for it somehow."

"Ouch!" James mimed being stabbed in the chest.

Nelly shrugged. "Girls need to stick together in these situations."

Donna thanked the barmaid for the beer and rose her glass to her.

"See? I told you, she's into me," he waggled his eyebrows.

"You tell yourself that," Donna chuckled.

_Tell me something I don't know, Harvey. Tell me again why I shouldn't have pushed it. You're probably in there with her. I can wait. I'm not going to pry. Some of the boys are coming back. They're asking me to dance. I don't want to at first but it turns out to be fun. And time flies. I realize I'm done with my beer some twenty minutes later. I danced, I laughed and kept hoping you'd show. Marcus and Katie have disappeared. I ask Tony if he's seen you. He says you left but I never saw you barge in back into the main room. I'm torn between going home alone without Katie or checking the bathroom for myself. I bite my bottom lip – I'm close to drawing blood. Inertia, stagnation and malaise creep in. I'm not seeing Lauren but I'm looking at her with my eyes closed right now. Look at her with her pretty blond hair and her smile that drew both of you to her. I'm not jealous Harvey at least not so much as it's about feeling like I don't want to lose control over this situation. I'm pissed at myself for asking you to deal with your shit. _

_I trust you Harvey but I don't trust myself not to open that bathroom door this very second. The music's still loud; surrounding me, moving up slowly in a uniformly all too loud motion. Between us is my been-here-before, my feet are telling me you're not ready as they guide me to something I need to see for myself. I should have left. But I'm afraid. Scared to death of a life with you because it implies it could turn out to be without you. Nothing's set in stone as the proverb says. And I love you so much I can't believe what I'm about to do. Opening that framed threshold onto the unknown is making me sick to my stomach because I don't trust my gut._

_I'm following moans of pleasure. Heavy panting and grunting. I walk up slowly with that gut-wrenching feeling I should have never had in the first place. It's too loud again. Even that damn muffled music from the bar. Too soon. Too close. I only have half of my attention as I push the half-opened door and see hot flesh rocking forward. Hands are trailing down your firm ass, giving it a squeeze – asking for more of you. It's messy, uncoordinated and rushed. There is sweat, lots of it. She's got her hands at the nape of your hair. The movements are so exquisite; you go faster and harder on her as you get an instant reaction to that connection. You're kissing, claiming someone I can't see, someone who isn't me. Oh God, she's biting your neck. I gasp and her eyes flutter open as she hears me. She shows me the exit with her eyes as they go wide. I rush out of the bathroom, practically bouncing off bathroom doors while searching for support only to hear nothing but the sound of her voice as she moans your brother's name._

_I had lost sight of Marcus and Katie; just as I have lost sight of me._

_Hold me while you wait for me, Harvey. Hold me with the memory of you and I. I'm coming home. And I'm taking the car._

* * *

Somehow, then, he was out of his clothes, in bed and alone, cradled by the thin sheets barely covering his naked self. She sighed when she found herself again: her sanity and him. The room was dark but that window didn't have blinds; it was easy to follow that small path to the bed. He was asleep.

"I'm sorry," she told him, touching every outside inch of his right hand.

"Hey," he said in a husky voice. His free hand drew circles on the mattress lazily. "I came home and you weren't there."

"It's because I was at the bar, Harvey." It was spoken like an apology with the words and what sounded like a sob stuck in her throat.

"What were you doing there?" He frowned and began rubbing her back.

She gasped at the touch. "I was waiting for you to get out of the bathroom and you never did."

"Oh," he let out, stopping his movement. "I talked to Lauren, told her I was sorry about the way I'd treated her but she kept insisting Marcus and I were cut from the same cloth and that we were the worst kind of men on Earth. When she was done yelling, I hugged her and left."

Donna kept her head low. "I didn't see you."

"I used the back entrance to get to the car faster…" He looked her over more closely. "But what happened to you? You're shaking."

"It's nothing I… thought you and Lauren were…" She licked her lips before admitting what had been eating at her: "Having sex in the bathroom."

"Wait a minute. What?"

"Right, I know, I know, I know… I was stupid and scared and pissed because we hadn't talked."

"Donna…"

"I know you said I have to trust you. But it's hard for me because it's you. You're everything, Harvey." She tilted her head back to finally look him in the eye.

"Do you wanna know what I told Lauren?" he asked with the softest eyes she'd seen on him in a while.

"Yes," she said softly.

Taking in the sight of her, he wasn't convinced. "Do _you_ wanna talk about us so I can tell you how much you mean to me?"

She bobbed her head but her eyes remained fixated on his unstable ones.

"Do you…" he pondered, his words rumbled low and deep in his throat, "wanna talk at all?"

She inched closer to his face, rubbing her nose against his until she found his lips. Moving in slowly, she probed the outer edges, eliciting a delicious shiver from him. She kissed his jaw, her lips open and hot against his skin. All the doubts, secrets and yearnings trickled down with her wet mouth. She quickly removed her top off and bra with it before cupping his face again. She could feel his rough tongue rasping her neck as she circled his shoulder, her nails digging into the flesh of his back. He leaned forward and tried to get her to straddle him but she refused, disentangling herself from him.

"Lie down," she urged, her tone was determined but soft.

He slid himself deeper into the mattress, settling his head on the pillow. She moved against him, hungry, needing him as far away from her as possible and yet she wanted nothing more than to taste his mouth.

He felt like a dead man walking – except he was glued to the bed. He was about to be killed by this seductress – an actual shadow of the woman she was all day; ready to close herself in every way possible by simply having him. She dared draw breath again to get rid of her bottoms quickly before discarding the sheet standing in her way of him.

No sacred stars to guide him but the white freckled translucence showing him no mercy, burying her face in his chest, stroking her cheeks between his pecs. She rested her sinful hands on each side of his ribcage and arched back slightly, her lips curving into a wicked smile, confident in her control over him. Her red mane was shielding her breasts from view. He wanted to see. Her lips looked slick. He wanted to taste. She was charging his dick with every move she made. He wanted to rub himself between her thighs. But he satisfied none of his fantasies for she plunged back in to kiss and lick each nipple, every brush of her lips and tongue felt like poisonous vines were stemming up from under his pores reaching all the way to his groin. She was raising hell inside of him; and he was burning, demanding more attention than he could save up the energy to ask.

She kept crawling lower and placed her palms on the small of his back. She nudged her face closer to his length and searched it with her mouth. Teasing, licking and barely sucking until she took ownership of his butt.

In one messy move, he skillfully grabbed her wrists, firmly pulled her body back against his and said: "Stop trying to talk me into this."

She offered him a wicked grin.

Harvey fiercely crashed his lips against hers. A moan escaped her as he drew the kiss deeper and deeper.

He left her lips to catch his breath and said: "You know I'm already in."

"Again," she requested, throwing her arms around his neck.

_Feral feelings, what's wrong with those?_

* * *

M&O

M&O

Thanks to my out-of-practice B for her support. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, don't hesitate to leave a review on . Thanks for all of your previous comments.

And by the way, just in case someone would like to theorize that I'm always making Donna look bad or act like a teenager: my theory has always been the same. Now that Harvey and her are in a relationship, I believe he's all in and doesn't believe for one second that they wouldn't work. While I think Donna's the one with trust issues. She lost faith in him once, she can lose it again. But the real aspect of her personality she's got to work on his her own confidence. And even though I've departed from canon with this fic (obviously), that's how I want to write Donna.

I'll start writing next chapter soon. So urge me on by hitting that review button. ^^

Yours,

B.


	13. Chapter 13

**Million and one**

_A darvey fanfiction_

(unbeta-ed, sorry about that)

Part 12: Mount Everest ain't got shit on Donna Paulsen

_There's no woman in this world that can fuck me the way you do._

_Slow or fast, light touches and heavy thrusts, I've got so much love for you I'm in disarray. You're the alpha woman to my own alpha. Power play's got nothing on us. Pull me in again. Push me back all you want. I can't stop watching you for I'm on top of the world when I'm that set of limbs for you to get off to. That bottomless mattress has me clung in sweat. I have so much money I don't know what to do with it. I have so much of you that I still want more. You weren't one of my goals. You just were my happy ending._

_I can't be satisfied when all I want to do is hold you and kiss you and be with you all the time. Translucent and sticky with every bit of skin I've been licking, kissing and clinging to. I bring my face closer to your breasts and devour them some more. Your knees should cave soon but I know you won't say it. You're ready to suffer for our pleasure. With my head pressed against your chest, I turn it aside and notice you've been gripping the covers tighter for support. I start helping you with my own moves. That makes you stop. I got you trapped. Up and down I go, back and forth I slow – down until I realize you're going to make me come just by the way you're cradling my face with your hands. Your eyes dart down to mine. I'm yours and you should know it. I get it, you want to be ravaged. I don't know why and to be honest I don't care right now. So I pull out and get behind you. I feel disconnected for what feels like eternity considering that fucking heatwave you and I are in. As I stare at your perfect ass, I know we'll never get enough of this._

_Fucking you doggy style might seem primitive to some but it's not. You make me feel like a beast, giving me back my dominant side for a moment. You allow me to pour my sweat out. I don't have to communicate with words when we're like this. You understand me and I understand you. You wanted to get me madly ready for you, harder than steel. And for me to make you come; because that's how you need me too – without having to talk me into it. That hot mouth of yours called me in the depth of this night, and your ragged breath only exaggerated our intensity. The exertion from the pearliest body I've ever seen deserves all of my attention now. You're my only focus Donna. And as your forearms give in, and your panting gets vocal as you feel each impact of my fucking balls dangling below, slapping up against your clit, I know I'm giving you everything you want. And you come for me. It's beautiful and I don't know what to do with this sight but come myself._

_I'll never fuck another woman. I'll make love to the many that is you._

Harvey crashed on top of her, trapping her flat under him and nudged the dead weight between his legs against her ass.

"I love you so much." His breath was erratic.

Still trying to catch her breath, she chuckled at his words and let her own drag out. "I know."

The different waves of her Harvey-induced climax had rippled and erupted through her body on a whole new level. She felt this was their peak. Their sex together could never top what she'd just felt. She had touched the sky and set the limits to her heart. He'd just made her forget all the boyfriends she'd been with and all the women before her.

They were both still reeling from their respective orgasm and she could swear she was feeling his heartbeat against her back.

"We probably woke up the entire house. Again." Harvey gave her some room for her to turn around and lie on her back.

She stroked his cheek, sliding her thumb against his lips. "Yeah, probably."

He kissed her thumb. "Do you want to talk now or say 'I love you too'?"

"How about we sleep?" She teased, arching an eyebrow.

He gulped before repeating: "I love you more than anything in this world Donna. And what we just did… it makes me feel like…"

"Like what?" She felt her heart stop. The need to know how he felt about her was stronger than the million conversations they had to have.

"Like a young boy and a grown ass dude doing crack at the same time."

Her mouth hung open. Salivating profusely, anticipating his next words more than the feelings they'd trigger.

"You make me high. You make my dick throb so strongly and my heart beat so fast I barely have time to feel satiated that I'm ready for more."

"That's your love of sex talking," she whispered seductively. "And by the way, what you just said… _super_ dirty."

"I've been subtle for thirteen years. That's my _love_ for you talking. My body can't do all the talking because you've drained my limbs out of me!" His smirk descended upon her lips and as he brushed them against hers he said softly: "I love you. So, say you love me now."

She smiled at his request. He'd loved her without the sex for twelve years. Feral feelings had been buried deep; forbidden to touch her heart. Having everything meant there would be no bracing for a fall with them. She was scared; scared of losing him more than she had ever been about losing them – who they've always been, for the very first time. There was nothing left for her but to vocalize the leap of faith she'd taken when he came to her apartment four nights ago. "I love you now…" She began sucking on his bottom lip. She could feel him shiver before she added, caressing his shoulders: "and forever."

Foreheads touched for a moment before he buried his face into her neck while she pulled the covers over them. And they waited, eyes closed and hands roaming freely, for sleep to get in the way of their embrace.

* * *

They spent the morning in each other's arms. Harvey was trailing light kisses on Donna's chest when she broke the silence.

"It was your brother."

"What?" He asked lifting his head.

"He was having sex with Katie," she elaborated.

He frowned. "And you thought it was me?"

"You two definitely have some things in common." She smirked.

"Mine's way thicker. I'll show you." He pushed himself off of her and got up on the mattress stark naked, striking a Superman-like pose with his hands on his hips.

She laughed at his antics. "It's not what I… I meant you have the same butt cheeks."

He turned around and pointed at his ass, flexing and then relaxing it playfully. "Mine's the one you like to kiss though."

"I never kissed your a–" She couldn't finish that sentence.

"Yeah, you did the other night when –"

She cut him off before he could remind her of that very affectionate moment. "Fine, fine I love your sweet ass more! But I never kissed it figuratively and I'm not about to start now."

He turned around again. And tilted his head to the side when he noticed her staring at his dick again. "Eyes up here."

"I'm not going to apologize for ogling."

"We don't have time," he warned her.

"We should make time," she said moving closer to him, bringing her face dangerously close to his groin area.

"I have to make sure it's –" she kissed his length without touching it and added, checking his eyes, seductively, "bigger than Marcus's."

He gulped at the sensation. "So you've seen it."

"Nope," she replied as she grazed his chest and torso with her nails. "Now, shut up and enjoy."

Harvey's eyes rolled at the back of his head when he felt her taste him. "Fuck," he bit out and titled his head forward to watch her, sat on her knees, her mouth and hand full of cock. He pushed her hair out of the way so he could watch her glance up, her eyes meeting his hot intense stare. She was drawing him out of her mouth, circling the crown of his cock with her tongue and making him grow with the back and forth movement of her hand. Pleasurable agony washed across his face as she began sucking him deeper into her mouth. He was about to reach the point of no return, unable to release his hold on her hair and on the verge of thrusting and sparring with her mouth when she broke away to catch her breath.

She was about to take him again when he grabbed his dick and tucked her hair behind her ear, his gaze roving over her face. Everything was standing right in front of him. They would both do anything for each other. He imagined everything in his dreams because he was afraid she didn't love him. In his dreams she could hurt him because she was in every one of them. In his dreams she could never want the best for him because she was never around when he'd wake up. In his dreams he hurt for her physical touch. In his dreams it was easier to think she didn't love him. In his dreams she was everything. Everything wasn't a dream anymore. It wasn't out of reach. It was certain and perfect. In his dreams, the window girl was Donna.

"Harvey, why are you making me stop?"

His heart was racing. "Donna, will you –"

The door suddenly shot open.

Harvey heard Marcus's voice. "And revenge box ticked!"

"Marcus for fuck's sake!" Harvey fell on top of Donna to hide her from view, covering her as much as possible with his body.

Marcus averted his eyes so as to not inconvenience Donna any further. "Told you a million times to lock that door. Now that there's a woman in it, my life's complete. Hi, Donna!"

"Marcus get out!" Harvey shouted.

"Oh and that was payback by the way, Dee. Now, hurry up you two." Marcus half closed the door behind him.

"Dickhead!" Harvey muttered.

"Oh and big bro?" Marcus added from behind the door.

"Seriously?" Donna asked, covering herself as she watched Harvey get off the bed, covering his dick with his hand to run after his brother.

"Did I ever tell you that you moan like a girl?"

Harvey picked up a shoe on the way to the corridor and hit his brother's back with it before he could run down the stairs.

The lawyer got back into the room and smiled up at Donna's. "I'm sorry about Marcus."

"It's okay. Katie must be in on this. She's the only one who saw me,"

"When you saw them," he confirmed.

She nodded. "I guess I deserved it for staring at his ass for so long last night."

He moved to the nearest chest of drawers and picked up towels for them both. "Guess we should hurry up. The _whole_ family seems to be waiting for us."

"Yeah," she let out, watching him come up to her to hand her a towel. But her heart was still reeling from his last words. "What were you going to ask?"

He seemed distant, staring at his towel and folding it in incoherent ways. "It can wait," he said, unconvincingly.

"Sure, okay…" She decided not to push. "It's not like Marcus just ruined years of blowjob practice anyway," she eventually joked placing the towel around her frame to walk the corridor leading up to the bathroom.

_That water tickling our skin is cool. But your stare is what's making me feel so cold. I can sense you're hurrying this moment. We're not alone. You're in here with me with your thoughts. Too many with-s. I pretend to be scrubbing your back when all I really want to do is touch you. At least you're not stopping me. Whatever you wanted to say I don't think it can wait, Harvey. Because if waiting means I have to suffer through another twelve years of you holding onto your thoughts and feelings, I don't think I can take it. You're the one guiding me through all of this. Us. I need you here with me. I kiss you on the lips and you thank me for the back rub before you leave me alone under that shower spray so you can go and get dressed while I finish washing my hair. The sexy, wicked and adventurous night and morning are a distant memory. A few minutes ago you were about to combust before me. Because of me and in the most erotic way. And I wanted this. You know I did. So much. So why did you stop me? When I'm done, I realize you're talking to your mother downstairs. I quickly walk to the bedroom. What's the point in prying on you guys? I trust you. I'm jumpy now. I don't even remember where the blow-dryer is so I get dressed. When I join you – and your family – into the kitchen, I know my answer will hang in the balance. We're Harvey and Donna and if memory serves right, we give each other looks we think meaningful even though we have no idea what we're supposed to convey at times. We get lost in each other, forgetting ourselves. And when we pin each other against hard surfaces or each other's bodies we think nothing can get in the way of us. We play along until we realize front doors are long gone and all our cards are on the table. We know how to love each other but we surely don't know how to talk._

_I'm not asking for diamonds Harvey. I'm not asking for anything normal with you. I'm not in this for fun. My heart's in it. In all of it. With you. _

_I sit down at the table. Marcus is sitting next to Katie and they're whispering things to each other. You're seated between Bobby and your mother. You give me a wink as if that unfinished business of ours hadn't happened. You ain't giving me no shit today, lover boy. I'm looking for a lifetime of talking with you. I fell in love with you long before I knew I was allowed to. You say you're sure of everything, right? You say I have to have faith in you. Then just come and get me, Harvey._

_You'll get to get away with everything so long as you get away with me in your arms. _

* * *

MAO

MAO

MAO

MAO

It's Sunday and everyone needs a new chapter on Sundays when there's no official suits BTS / Promos available. ;) This was the penultimate chapter. Next chapter will be the last. I'm going to be busy with season 9 love and I also have family around this summer so I won't have a lot of time to work on this story afterwards. I truly believe I'm at the end of this story anyway. Besides, Harvey and Donna are so perfect now, I don't feel like I need to torment them further. I hope you enjoyed the raunchy sex a bit, I had fun writing it even though first person pov still isn't my thing. But it was interesting to explore. I'm already working on the last chapter. So please, as usual feed me with your reviews, I need them. ;)

Thanks to my Blue for suffering through all this ordeal of 1st person pov and telling me I don't suck at writing. Most of the time, haha. ;) Thanks for everyone who's reviewed this story. You guys are the ones I write for. I wouldn't have written so many stories hadn't it been for your support and patience and love. ;)

Yours,

B.


	14. Chapter 14

**Million and one**

_A darvey fanfiction_

_(Again, this is unbeta-ed, you've been warned – sorry for the mistakes. Last chapter folks, brace yourselves!)_

Part 13 - Committed

"Good morning, Donna!" _Your mother greeted me. _"Do you want some coffee?"

"Yes, please," _I thank her and sit down next to Katie. _

_We're all pretty quiet. Katie and Marcus are staring at us while eating their breakfast. I notice you and Bobby join Lily in the kitchen to get some more toasts. As I can't take that silent treatment anymore, I take this as an opportunity to let my frustration out._

"What?" _I ask, pouring myself a glass of orange juice and proceed to check my surroundings to see what the kids are doing - they're playing - before whispering: _"I know I'm the most beautiful Donna you've ever seen but my threesome days are behind me."

"You just told me you didn't see anything!" Katie hit Marcus in the chest.

"I -" Marcus began but Donna cut him off.

"He saw everything." Donna nodded and smirked, taking a sip of her juice.

"Well you got to see us last night so…" Katie let the words trail off, slightly embarrassed.

"You guys seemed to be having fun." Donna took another sip, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"We were," Katie stressed. "I saw how surprised you looked. It's not what you think. We're not getting back together."

"Oh…" Donna let out, somehow a little saddened that the two people who had never looked more like a couple than today didn't want to go down the marital path again. "So this was goodbye sex?"

"I certainly hope it wasn't the last time…" Marcus began, gazing at Katie's face. He bore the most protective and loving look in his eyes.

"Marcus…" Katie touched his arm.

"Yeah, I know. We've had a good run so far. Thirteen years, that's more than most people can dream of these days."

This picked Donna's interest. "Thirteen years?"

Donna always thought they'd been together longer than that.

"Well we got married thirteen years ago."

"In a week," Katie clarified.

"What do you say we wait another week for me to sign those papers?"

"I say, I like that lucky number," Katie smiled.

"In some cultures, it's not," Marcus pursed his lips.

Katie offered him a genuine smile that encapsulated a thousand feelings, questions and answers that would need more than a day to get over with. So he continued his previous explanation: "But anyway, we agreed that it was best we found some common ground and kept the love we've shared so far for one another at bay and secure it for our kids. I need to get better. Find myself again. And I can't be the reason that prevents her from moving on either."

The uncertainty in Marcus's voice got to Donna. The younger Specter still hated himself for putting his wife through so many ordeals.

"I don't want to move on, Marcus." Katie reassured him. "But he's right. We'll have some amazing sex for a while and think everything's great again until it won't be."

"And we both need to have a healthy relationship. It's in our kids' best interest." Marcus concluded.

Donna realized Katie was feeling the same. Unsure as to where they'd go from here. But she was helping him, keeping him grounded and safe.

"I'm truly sorry and happy for you at the same time. You need to tell Harvey that," Donna added.

"I will. Before you guys leave. I will," Marcus said.

"But Donna, I have to ask. Last night you looked like you'd seen a ghost. I mean I get that seeing us like this wasn't ideal but -"

"I thought you were Harvey and…" Donna explained, still cringing from the image.

"Oh come on! Harvey never would have -" Marcus began before changing his angle of approach. "He loves you. Last night he told me I was a fool who was just in love with his wife." He turned to Katie. "I am and I'll always be no matter what or how long it takes for us to go back there."

"She'll always love you too, you fool." Katie caressed the back of his hand.

Marcus squeezed her hand back before he continued, addressing Donna again. "I know he's just like me… us. He'll never love anyone else the way he loves you. You're his window girl."

"I'm his what?"

"You're my what?" Harvey looked pale coming back from the kitchen with Bobby and Lily.

"Your window girl," Lily repeated, smirking.

"Who's that?" Donna asked.

"Here's your coffee, dear," Lily said pouring a cup. Her avoidance of the question didn't slide by Donna.

"And some liquid vanilla," Bobby handed her the bottle. "Harvey said it's how you take it."

"Thanks," Donna said turning her attention back to Harvey. "So, who am I?"

"Later," Harvey let out.

"Wow, sure, okay!" Donna said before mumbling 'rude' through gritted teeth.

Harvey seemed impatient and lacking confidence. He scratched his head. "Marcus, living room now!"

"Ucle Harbey!" Olivia ran to her uncle and jumped in his arms.

"Saved by the progeny!" Marcus jumped out of his seat and added: "Katie, can you come with me for a second?"

Harvey lifted Olivia in the air.

"In a moment." Katie turned to Donna and spoke in a low voice. "See this man over here Donna? You'll never be parted from him. You guys aren't me and Marcus. You've had time to grow apart. That's what we need right now. But you don't. In some twisted way, I think you and I have both found our happiness. But our way of getting there was just different. I don't have to wish you good luck. I guess that fateful number's on your side."

"How do you know I've known him for thirt-"

"Who do you think Harvey brought as a plus one the day I got married?"

"A blonde?" Donna smirked for she somehow knew this wasn't going to be Katie's answer.

"Maybe, I don't remember her to be honest. But I remember him calling you a few times."

"It was probably work related." Donna shrugged off.

"When the brunette wasn't around," Katie insisted.

"So you _do_ remember her." Donna arched a brow.

"It was work related and yet, it wasn't," she teased. "And forget the blonde."

"So, not a brunette anymore?"

"Donna!" Katie said, making sure Harvey who was still focusing all his attention on the little girl wasn't eavesdropping on them.

"Sorry," she apologized.

"I teased him about the way he was smiling over the phone. I called him out on it and asked him who it was. He said it was no one. So I pressed. Took a wild guess that wasn't so wild after all and asked him if she was funny but ugly?"

The suspense was killing her. Donna held her breath for a second before blurting out: "What did he say?"

"He said –" Katie began but Harvey cut her off.

"Not any of your goddamn business."

Katie bit her lips. "Hm, I don't recall –"

"Katie!" Harvey growled.

"Aaand I better go see Marcus."

Olivia giggled a couple of times, the sound filling the house with happiness. Harvey then proceeded to give her a light kiss on the forehead before putting her down. She looked happier than she had the night before. She ran to Donna after and whispered: "Thank you Autie Donna."

"For what?" Donna asked the little girl.

She asked Donna to pull her into a hug and said once secured n her arms. "Mommy and Daddy are happy again."

Katie heard everything and it brought tears to her eyes. She stroked her daughters back and mouthed the sincerest of thank you-s to Donna.

"And you definitely aren't ugly by the way," Katie appropriately corrected before joining Marcus in the living room.

_The redhead knew things wouldn't go smoothly for Marcus and Katie but at least they were on the same page regarding their kids. Their happiness mattered more than their mistakes. Mistakes come and go but Donna stood by this idea that two people have to want to be together to be happy. And it was clear to her that despite their love for each other, they didn't think being together would make them happier. The last time it had led to their impending divorce. Donna hoped they could find their way towards one another again. But for now a way to make the lives of those around them better would have to suffice. And seeing that Olivia's face had brought so much joy to Lily, Bobby, Harvey and the two parents, Donna couldn't think of a better reunion for now. Marcus and Katie hadn't been apart for the last thirteen years. And as soon as it had dawned on Donna that it was the exact same amount of time she and Harvey had been friends for, she wanted nothing more than for that number to disappear._

Olivia was still clinging on to Donna tightly. Harvey approached them both and sat on the chair that was formerly occupied by Katie.

"Do you ever want one?" Harvey asked bluntly.

It took her aback. This wasn't the conversation she wanted to have with Harvey while Olivia was sitting on her lap.

"What?" She asked, feigning cluelessness.

"Or two?" He smiled up at her before caressing Olivia's back.

The question was loaded. He wanted kids. With her. He wasn't just hoping for a lifetime. He was hoping for a legacy. Thirteen years later. Maybe thirteen years too late. Donna wasn't so sure her number was up. He certainly was the one man she wanted to have kids with – only because she didn't think he'd bring it up so soon.

"A little me? Oh yes Autie Donna, say yes! I want a little…" Olivia was searching for the proper word.

"Cousin?" Donna offered, staring at Harvey.

"That's it! Say yes, Donna! Say yes,"

"Yes, Autie Donna, say yes," Harvey added, playfully.

"Yes," she blurted out before adding, "but –"

"No buts!" He cut her off.

"Harvey, can you come with me for a second," Katie asked all the way from the living room before stopping at threshold leading to the kitchen. "And Donna can you keep an eye on Olivia for a second?"

"Yeah, sure," she said.

"And if you see Nathan tell him to pack up his bag," Katie added before leaving the room with Harvey.

"I can't wait to meet my first cosin," Olivia said to Donna once the other adults had left.

Nathan arrived at the perfect moment. "Hey Donna where are my parents?"

"They're talking to your uncle. They asked me to tell you to pack up your belongings. And take your sister with you while you're at it."

"Are you mad Autie Donna?" Olivia asked cryptically.

"No, honey bun, I just need to pack my things too."

_Until someone else wants some more. You are my more Harvey but it seems you want even more than that. That "will you" you never finished this morning still haunts me and now you're saying you want to make a baby with me? Maybe even two? I'm not getting any younger so that would mean now. All I can say is why the hell did you wait thirteen years if all you've ever wanted was this? You make it sound so easy. At some point your heart wasn't in it. This commitment. What changed? I watch the kids leave and I'm about to go out when a familiar hand grabs mine._

* * *

"So, what's going on?" Harvey asked the couple before him.

"We just wanted to thank you for what you did this weekend," Katie explained.

"And what did I do exactly?"

"You helped us decide who we want to be for our kids," Marcus added.

Harvey tilted his head to the side with a hopeful look on his face. "Are you guys getting back together?"

"No." Marcus left no room for confusion to set in.

"I don't get it… Why would you have sex then?"

"Because sometimes Harvey, that's the only way to start communicating again," Katie explained shyly.

"And I'm great in the sack," Marcus joked.

Katie elbowed him.

Marcus ran his hand smoothly on his side. "Fine, we just missed us. But we need some time apart."

"Then how does this newfound relationship of yours…" He made circles with his hand, index finger switching from Marcus to Katie before continuing, "make things better? What about Nathan and Olivia?"

"As far as they're concerned, nothing's changed. We're fully separated. But at least we're friends again and," she paused, looking lovingly at her ex-husband, "we haven't had so much fun in ages. It's like there's something new between us. A commitment that's bigger than our marital problems."

"Cut the crap, you guys just had trust-issues because of his gambling!" Harvey practically shouted.

"Trust issues are marital problems, Harvey," Marcus countered.

Harvey turned to Katie, trying to find some common ground. "You can't trust that he won't use the kids to cover up for his addictions again, Katie!"

"I can't. But I married him for a reason. And that reason still stands. I love him and I know he wants what's best for his kids. The only reason why he would lie would be for selfish reasons. Now that he knows I'm not going anywhere, he can ask for my help and won't have to lie to me about it. Besides, you made sure I can't take the kids away from him."

"So long as he doesn't do something stupid," Harvey said.

"I won't hurt Katie ever again, Harv'" Marcus stated.

"So you're saying you're keeping each other at arm's length so as to not break each other's hearts? Only to make sure neither of you can really move on from one another?" Harvey turned to Katie again. "How twisted is that?"

"You're the one to talk!" Marcus fired back. "Isn't it what you did with Donna to some degree for the better part of your adult life?"

"What did you just say to me?" Harvey closed his hand into a fist.

"Don't use that stance with me. You know I'm right. You wanted everything with this woman and yet which is why you made sure she could never move on from you: offering her a job, keeping her close, taking care of her. You were no better, Harvey."

"That… that wasn't the same." Harvey released his empty grip. "I…"

"You were protecting her from you, Harvey," Katie explained, taking a step forward to take Harvey's hand in hers. "Because you were afraid you'd screw up the one relationship you truly wanted."

"Which is exactly what Katie and I are planning to do moving forward," Marcus confirmed. "To save our family."

A tear rolled down Harvey's cheek as he chuckled. "You guys are idiots."

"Maybe we are," Marcus said, patting his brother on the back before adding. "But it's better than having no relationship at all, wouldn't you say?"

"That's what the old me would have said."

"Harvey," Katie began. "The old you built your relationship with Donna too."

Harvey remained still.

_Old me. New me. It doesn't matter. I __am __committed. And as enigmatic as Katie's words are I think I can find some appreciation in them. I love Donna more than anything in this world and because of that I don't always think. An hour ago I wanted to ask her to marry me. And then some ten minutes ago I was asking her if she wanted kids. I've been rushing against time as if I were in Katie and Marcus's shoes all this time. I want all of those things. But just because I want them doesn't mean I'm doing it for the right reasons. I've been pressuring her into the kind of stability I've always wanted. She deserves my truths and fears; for my desires are merely just a result of those._

* * *

"Lily you scared me," Donna lied, recognizing the woman's soft grasp.

"Can I show you something?" Lily asked, leading Donna outside.

Donna agreed and followed Lily to the garden. They were standing in the middle of it when Lily asked: "What do you see?"

"I beg your pardon?" Donna wasn't sure she understood.

"When you look at this place? What do you see?"

Donna took in her surroundings. Not that she needed to look much at the place. "I see a beautiful house and garden, a couple of trees, a fence…"

"You're right it is a beautiful house."

"I'm sorry Lily, I don't see where you're going with this."

"I'll tell you what I see." Lily paused and took a deep breath. "I see a lonely house with a once broken family with a mother who still loved her husband very much. And because of that love, she asked her son to lie for her. That woman was feeling lonely. And the lifetime she'd been promised when she got married vanished because life just doesn't always go according to plan. Whether it's your husband's job taking over everything or having to put your own needs aside for the one you love."

Donna chose not to interrupt. She never judged the woman. On the contrary, she understood all too well what she had gone through.

"What I see when I look at this house is the lack of neighbors on this side of the house. There's no one to call for help. And then I see that window up here. Harvey's room. I remember how he kept staring out it, sometimes for hours, telling himself stories out loud."

Lily pointed at the window and walked up to Donna. "You might want to know about that one specific story."

_The window girl?_

"Yes, of course you do. I can tell by your eyes." Lily sat down on the two-days-old mowed grass. "Sit with me, will you?"

Donna didn't care one bit about her Gucci pants and sat down next to the woman who'd made her feel at home over one weekend. "Harvey was about eleven when it started. He was very creative and had quite the imagination. I thought he was too old to have imaginary friends. But I knew I was responsible. My cheating… it happened in the room next to his. I knew he could hear us but I was a mess and –"

Donna could tell this was forcing repressed memories to the surface. "Lily, if this is too painful…"

"I sought help for this Donna. I can do it now. It's okay," Lily licked her lips, found some composure again and continued. "I guess he wanted to understand girls – women, a little more, and since he was a little league boy with barely any girls around to play with, he started picturing a perfect embodiment of our sex. A girl who was loyal to him, challenging his deepest feelings and thoughts on many subjects. She was someone who wasn't me that he could trust. I remember him asking this pretend girl once whether he was pretty."

Both Donna and Lily chuckled.

"And then he got older and stopped talking to her. But I knew she was around somehow, she was the neighbor, in that non-existing house across the garden; she was his escape. From this place. From his own family. She was the embodiment of, the dream-like family he wanted. She was his window onto a world he had every form of control over. It was his certain form of uncertainty."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"After everything I just said, I thought you'd be the one to open my eyes on son's feelings for you."

"I'm not her, Lily. He was just a boy who'd made up some fantasy girl," Donna said.

"Weren't you loyal to him all these years?"

"Yes but –" Donna began but Lily kept going.

"Didn't you challenge him?"

Those rapid fire questions weren't preventing her from thinking her answers through. "He surely could never stop me from trying."

Lily smiled up at Donna. "Do you think he's pretty?"

Donna smiled back and couldn't help but flash a tender look in her eyes at the woman behind lawyer-extraordinaire Harvey Specter.

"Then commit to him. Let him give you what you want."

Donna looked away for a moment and sighed. "He asked me if I want kids, you know?"

"Why do you think I brought you here? The walls in this house are very thin, remember?" The older woman laughed.

"I said yes because Olivia was here and I was feeling all this pressure…" Donna let the words trail off as if she didn't have the strength to face them all.

"I think the question isn't whether or not you want kids, I think you're afraid. Maybe because the clock's ticking, maybe because you're afraid of needing medical assistance, I don't know. But what I do know is that you both need to decide if you're ready to go through the good and the bad as a unit or not."

"We've been together for the better part of five days, Lily! Five!" Donna rationalized.

"You want me to say he's rushing into this and using some old boy fantasy to support his madness."

"Yes! Because that's exactly what all of this is!" Donna blurted out.

"But I won't say it. Instead I'll tell you he's had thirteen years where he didn't have to make her up."

_I'm speechless as I watch your mother stand up and go. Like mother like son. You two have a tendency to do that. Maybe I've done it too. Yeah I definitely have and sometimes it's annoying; sometimes gut-wrenching and sometimes necessary. I'm left alone with my thoughts. Now, I'm the one staring at that window. It's so high up above me. That's when your silhouette hits me like a flash. You must be packing. I don't think you noticed me. But I noticed you. And my heart's beating faster as I realize I've been admiring you from down here. Your 'life's like this speech and I want this' has never meant more to me than today as I believe I got up there with you. Maybe I was the one in that invisible house after all. Maybe we were always on the same page, at the same level and I was just looking at you from the wrong angle. I should have just seen what was right in front of me all along. The glass wall may just happen to have been my own fantasy. Damnit Harvey! Why is the grown ass woman that I am even considering the fact that you were my very own window man? Yeah… I know why._

Donna stood up from the grass for she had some packing to do too. For the first time in this get-away-slash-meet-a-working-dysfunctional-family weekend, she wanted nothing but the comfort of New York City, a glass of scotch and him.

* * *

_I'm packing when you come through the door. You look just as beautiful as ever. I probably forgot to tell you earlier. Because I'm an idiot. I should tell you every day. So I drop my suitcase on the bed, I walk up to you and as I put my arms around your waist, I do just that._

"You're beautiful," Harvey said.

Donna smiled up at him and said: "If you keep saying stuff like that to me and holding me close, we might miss our flight."

"I'm in no hurry to get back to work." He shrugged.

"But I..." She brought her mouth close to his ear and uttered, "want you to take me home, to your place and make love to me all night."

"I can do that." He gulped.

"I know you can." She smirked, placing her arms around his neck.

"I _want_ to do that." He observed, caressing the small of her back.

She let go of him and he did the same. She watched him pick up his suitcase and stare at the window one last time. His shoulder tensed up. She knew he was about to say something that had everything to do with communication. "This is ridiculous." He turned around.

"What is?" Donna asked, bracing herself once more.

"I told Katie you were a man's worst nightmare and fantasy at the same time."

Donna was speechless.

"And that I wanted nothing but to find you undesirable. But you and I hadn't had sex yet and I just couldn't stop flirting with you at work and over the phone apparently. And it bothered me that she'd figured it out before I did. That's why I snapped at her earlier."

Donna tried to force more words, more truths out of him. "Figured out that you…"

"That I was feeling everything I wanted to feel. And that for the first time… it was real. It never felt that real with any of the women I've been with. Maybe it was because I never had to lie to you."

"You lied about one thing though," she uttered.

"That I wanted you? Come on, Donna. You know it wasn't that simple."

"I know that… But thank you," Donna said.

"Thank you? And that's it?" He frowned.

"It can wait, window boy." She winked at him.

He watched her, wide-eyed at the realization that someone must have talked to her about it. His mother most certainly.

"Now, let me pack up my things. I'll be downstairs with you shortly. We don't want to miss our flight."

Donna heard him call out his mother like a twelve year old and inevitably sniggered at his baffled tone.

* * *

_You don't know this yet but Mom and I spent the last thirty minutes talking. It felt good. Honest. And if you knew just how much she validated your presence in my life, you'd be able to grasp how much you've helped us mend our offenses. As I watch you join us downstairs with Marcus behind you holding your bag, I realize we've all been talking to the members of my family for the past two days._

_As I tell Nathan he can have my baseball bat, I notice Katie saying Olivia's got a present for you. You're beaming as my niece hands you what looks like a drawing. You hold it close to your heart and say you'll get it framed. I ask you if I can see it and of course you show it to me. It's me and you and Olivia eating sweets with hearts everywhere; she's got mom's eye for details and drawing skills for sure._

_I hug Marcus, Katie and shake Bobby's hand until I realize I'm being an idiot. The man's been nothing but the perfect guy – step dad – to me; to us all this weekend. So I hug him too and he says something that does something to my heart. "Your dad would be proud of you for getting that girl. Hang on to her," he whispers. I pat his back and nod. You follow suit and hug everyone after me. I'm kissing Mom goodbye and give her the longest hug. She says she loves me and that we should come back soon. And I tell her Bobby and her can stay and visit anytime. From the looks of it, I'm certain you won't mind. Besides I don't see why we can't keep both our places. Mike and Rachel certainly kept their pied-à-terre in New York before moving to Seattle. _

_I catch a couple of words Mom says to you. The sort that could have had me dead on the spot._

"_I've never seen him so happy. You make him happy."_

_And she's right. I told you before. You do. Whenever I see your face. Whenever I catch that look in your eyes that is reserved for me. Whenever I can hold your hand the way I'm about to so as to lead you out of my childhood place. Whenever our reciprocated feelings take over us, make us, break us for a while only to patch us up._

_As I start up the engine and we wave our final goodbyes, I'm neither happy to leave nor sad to go because you know everything. And you got me to know myself and who I want to be. _

_The small talk on our way to the airport was nice until you had to check your phone and realized Louis had left you a dozen messages. Of course the man knew I'd never check mine – especially when I knew most messages would be from him._

_I tell you we'll deal with it tomorrow and you say I'm right. What do you think, Donna? I'm always right. My smug face makes you roll your eyes and you scoff before snuggling closer to me. The engine of the plane makes you doze off but I can't sleep. There's too much on my mind. And it's definitely not just work related._

_We're about to land. I should wake you but I don't want to yet. As I watch your sleeping form with you head resting on my shoulder, your light complaints of before about you not being my secretary anymore resonate in my mind, and put a smile on my face. We'll forever be able to joke about this because I know you don't regret it. Sure, it was about you taking care of me 99% of the time. But I still hope somehow that I evened this out. I'm not an idiot. I know I have. And I will never stop. You're my partner, Donna and as I kiss your temple, I feel you squeeze my thigh in appreciation. God, you're such a mind reader._

* * *

When we reach your condo, it's the night already. If I look spellbound to you it's because I really am. I've been here many times before; only never as Harvey Specter's goddamn girlfriend. I walk up to the windows and can hear you take our luggage to your bedroom. I'm in trouble because I know I'm getting used to this. You… Taking care of me; without needing grand gestures like bringing me flowers, offering me a car ride or saving me from an awful fate.

I take in the view for a moment and find it breathtaking. But it's just a view and I feel alone. I wonder if you've ever felt this way, watching all of those lit skyscrapers, towering the New York City skyline. It's a larger window for sure but did it ever bring you the satisfaction you wanted? I sigh. Overthinking window metaphors really wasn't what I had been planning on doing tonight. I head to the bathroom to freshen up and when I come out, you're the one staring out that window. Barefoot. Hands in your pockets. Sexy as hell and just as deep in thought as I was earlier. As I walk up to you, I realize you took off your cardigan and are left with the most blueish clean white HS branded shirt I've ever seen.

"Your reflection in my window… it looks good," Harvey said, never turning back.

"If I didn't know you that well, I'd say you were the embodiment of the Byronic hero…" She moved in slowly, circling her arms around his waist from behind and uttered against his strong back: "a proud, moody, cynical – no not really – with defiance on his brow, implacable in revenge and misery in his heart… and something about yet capable of deep and strong affection."

She could see him smirk from the reflection of the glass. "Did you just quote that from memory?"

"You always forget I know plays by heart," she shrugged.

"Louis knows plays by heart, you suck at remembering your lines," he joked.

She gently hit his shoulder. "I've always been saving the best ones."

He chuckled before tensing up again.

"So… Are you brooding over God knows what just to get the girl at the end of the novel? Because I'm pretty sure you already have her," she teased, placing her chin on his shoulder, holding him tighter.

His tone turned serious. "I'm scared of being alone. Of people leaving me. But you already know that."

"I know," she sighed in understanding.

"I want to be the guy who's got a home to come back to. A family that has room for us two and more if life ever grants it. Cause you're more than my family. You're my life, Donna." He turned around and pressed his hand against her cheek.

"Harvey –" she tried to say but he wasn't finished.

"I'm not perfect, Donna. I wish I was good enough for you but I'm not. So if it's me you want, it's the best you're going to get."

"You are the best, Harvey," she reassured him, resting her hands on his chest.

"Then build a family with me, marry me and move in with me," he said, pulling a small box out of his pocket.

Donna's eyes dropped to the black box that could hold nothing but a ring in it. She closed her eyes and then smiled up at him. "All in that order?"

"And all of it." He smiled back and opened the box before taking her left hand in his. "And taking my messages from Louis for me, of course."

"Only if I get a foot massage every night," she challenged.

"Deal," he said, placing the ring she hadn't had a chance to look at on her finger.

"Deal," she replied, kissing him before hugging him tight. The view of them was staring back at her.

I take in the view for a moment again and find it breathtaking. It's not just a view. It's you and me, framed together.

"How long have you had that ring?" Donna asked, truly looking at it for the first time since he'd put it on her finger.

"Mom gave it to me earlier. it was my grandmother's. She gave it to my Dad who proposed to my mother with it," Harvey admitted.

"It's beautiful." The ring was elegant; a three-stone engagement ring with a grey sapphire in the middle.

"When she gave it to me she said: 'Just in case you want to ask her a year from now.'" He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and searched her eyes. "I didn't want to wait that long."

"And you're okay with your Mom giving me her old ring… your father's ring?" Donna asked, a flash of concern hitting her face.

"Donna... she never stopped wearing it," he explained. "I didn't understand it at first. I couldn't. The ease with which she gave it to me, asking me to propose with it… It means the world to me."

"I'm…," she never finished that sentence as tears threatened to take over. Another kind of impulse took over. Only the kiss she gave him could communicate the unspoken, the implicit and the truth. This. Everything, had been done out of love.

"Wait a minute!" She frowned and broke the kiss. "How about you move in with me?"

"Who said anything about moving to my place?"

"True," she narrowed her eyes. He probably had won this battle but she didn't seem to give a care in the world anymore, watching him eyeing her wickedly with that smug face of his. She took a good look at the ceiling, then a quick glance at his bedroom door before setting her eyes on the scenic window." But just so you know… I don't mind your view." She sucked on his earlobe. "At all."

It was always the matter of when.

We perform in reverse. I let my lips trail everywhere but on your mouth.

My spirit is weak.

We thrive on unfinished business.

The last time I let myself feel this way, it was a long time ago.

And it's now, Donna. The never is gone.

Let me show you just how yours I am; let me caress your hair, rub my hands against your skin.

You got down on not one but two knees in the end. Sounds familiar.

Let yourself feel this way, Donna.

And I drop to the floor. Yes. Be still Harvey and keep your mouth down here.

There's no way to rehearse. You're the light to my end. The view onto my love.

This is all we ever sought. Those lights are the days we had, the days we'll discover together. Let's dream our life away together and cherish the million and one nights and days left ahead of us.

The end.

* * *

**MAO  
MAO  
MAO**

**This was the last one folks. I hope you understood the last part. You're not supposed to be able to differentiate the points of view here even though sometimes I used their names to make it clear. All you need to know is yes, Harvey's clearly doing something nice to Donna ^^ but I figure it's the rest that matters most. ;)**

**I like open endings even though I made it pretty clear that they're going to have everything. So picture the wedding, the kids and the white picket fence. I'm okay with that. That's how I see it too. **

**I'm sure some of you wanted more but isn't it good to want more sometimes? I know that's what keeps me reading fanfics. There are marvelous writers out there. Read them. And review.**

**This was probably my last long darvey fic. But you never know.**

**Happy season 9 gals. We've earned it. And besides even if the stories suck, Harvey and Donna could read the phone book they'd still be awesome.**

**Thank you you know who. **

**Thanks to all of the loud and quiet people who followed this story. It wasn't the easiest to write but I think I ended it the way I was supposed to.**

**See you soon. I'm always one tweet away anyway. ;)**

**Yours,**

**B.**


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